Fake kindergarten teacher deftly trolls the right

& more, including a thought about "The Problem of Whiteness" at UChicago

12-1-2022 (issue No. 64)

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above.

Before we get started: It will take only a moment for you to nominate the Picayune Sentinel in the Chicago Reader’s Best of Chicago poll. And it will take only a bit longer to give a gift subscription to the Picayune Sentinel — an ideal stocking stuffer! Renewals are now coming up for the first batch of paid subscribers. The first Picayune Plus, then called Picayune Extra, posted on Dec. 7, 2021; the first issue of any sort posted on Sept. 9, 2021.

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Paid subscribers get delivery of the Tuesday Picayune Plus edition, access to the comment threads and the satisfaction of supporting the enterprise.

In case you overlook that email — or in case your provider filters out email from Substack, as can happen — I wanted to do my best to make sure that you knew about this. I would very much appreciate your continued support, but not if it means being part of an opaque subscription process designed to take advantage of inattention.

This reminder is also a renewal of my commitment to keeping the PS going for at least another year.

This week’s table of contents:

• In which the right snaps at troll bait laid by a fake kindergarten teacher

• In which the left censors one of its own because he called an advocate an activist

• News and Views — On “The Problem of Whiteness,” Heather Mack, Justin Fields and more.

• A report on phase two of the mayor’s race

• Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go

• Saying goodbye to my Keurig

• A sneak peek at the great new number the Songs of Good Cheer band is rehearsing

• Mary Schmich — An autobiography in questions

• “The Mincing Rascals” teaser — Don’t nope out on watching the pre-show video!

• Re:Tweets — featuring the winner of the visual tweets poll and this week’s finalists as well as the great tweet challenge in which reader Jay Gerak offers what he thinks will be funnier tweets than mine.

• Tune of the Week — “Mayfly,” nominated by Barbara Brotman

In which the right snaps at the obvious troll bait

Over the weekend, Katie Martin, a Ph.D. student in MIT's Department of Linguistics tweeted a joke so broad that only the extremely stupid would have missed the satire.

Katie Martin @katiedimartin

i’m a kindergarten teacher and every day I make my students choose new pronouns and when they recite the pledge of allegiance they have to say “pride flag” instead of “flag of the United States of America” and “gay” instead of “God”

And yet!

Martin was inundated with vitriol from the right, expressions of contempt, promises to try to have her fired and numerous expressions of a desire for her demise.

Meanwhile, those who did get the joke weighed in as well:

• I am also a kindergarten teacher, and I have my students say "Thank You, Joe Biden" everytime they answer a question correctly, and each student gets a gold star before the end of class just for showing up.

• I started giving cookies to the kids who identify as trans and now most of them do! I make ciswhites go last for everything as reparations.

• I'm the school nurse and after lunch I get them set up with hormones and surgery.

• I'm also a kindergarten teacher and every morning I make my students recite the lyrics to madonna's “Vogue” and cat walk in high heels while I have margaritas with my husband's brother.

• If a kid says “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays” I pelt them with unsharpened pencils.

• I’m a kindergarten teacher too, but I’m not working this year because I’ve lined up various drag queens to substitute for me each week and teach the kids how to twerk. They promise to clean the classroom litter boxes.

In which the left continues to eat its own

Deep in a recent New York Times story about journa.host, a corner of the Mastodon social media site dedicated to journalists looking for an escape from Twitter, comes this anecdote:

On Nov. 18, the journalist Mike Pesca, who hosts the popular news podcast “The Gist,” posted a link to a Times story about health concerns associated with the puberty-blocking drugs sometimes prescribed to transgender youths, writing, “This seemed like careful, thorough reporting.”

In response, Parker Molloy, a (Chicago area) journalist who writes the Substack newsletter “The Present Age,” accused Mr. Pesca of anti-trans bigotry, and then posted angrily at (journa.host founder Adam Davidson, an independent journalist) for not removing the post.

“@adamdavidson’s decision not to take action on anti-trans content isn’t inspiring confidence and I totally understand why other places are doing instance-level blocking,” she wrote on journa.host. (Instance-level blocking refers to the ability, on Mastodon, for one server to block content from another.)

Zach Everson, one of the journa.host administrators, responded that he agreed with Ms. Molloy, then added, “Banning someone for posting a link to an NYT article sets a precedent that we really need to work through.”

I will interject here that Pesca and I are friendly. I’m a fan of “The Gist” and find his generally liberal but always skeptical takes on the news to be refreshingly fearless. And for anyone to label questioning of orthodoxy — any orthodoxy — as manifestly bigoted strikes me as the hallmark of a weak orthodoxy, particularly when that questioning comes in the form of a deeply reported story, whatever the problems with it might be, in a major media outlet.

I haven’t studied the puberty-blocker issue well enough to have a strong opinion about it, but it strikes me that one can be firmly in favor of equal treatment and respect for trans individuals — not “phobic” by any definition, in other words — and still wonder what the best options are for treating youths who identify as trans.

On Twitter, Molloy called Pesca an “anti-trans ghoul … promoting this shit under the guise of ‘just asking questions.’”

On (Nov. 19), journa.host suspended Mr. Pesca, who was informed via a text message from Mr. Davidson, a longtime friend. … According to Mr. Pesca, Mr. Davidson told him he had been suspended for referring to Ms. Molloy as an “activist,” which was dismissive. …

“We want to be a place for passionate engaged discussion,” said Mr. Davidson, who recused himself from the decision because of his relationship with Mr. Pesca. “But we don’t want to be a place where people insult each other.”

Hmm. So “activist” is an insult now? A dismissive term.

A 2014 article in the Windy City Times described Malloy as “an essayist and transgender media advocate from Chicago …(who) espouses the belief that through change in the media's treatment of trans people, society can begin breaking down some of the systemic oppressions trans individuals face.”

There may be a semantic difference between advocate and activist, but it’s not the difference between a descriptive term and an insult. The journa.host ninnies ought to get a grip, and Davidson should stop wringing his hands and say so.

Relevant links:

• Davidson writes to Pesca: “Cancel Culture is a myth.” Pesca replies: “Your Myth Missed — To deny cancel culture is to promote it.” Davidson makes the point that the number of people actually “canceled” for offering unpopular opinions is statistically insignificant. Pesca counters that each “cancellation” has a very broad chilling effect on speech and expression, which is, after all, the point. Round one to Pesca.

• Davidson discusses this issue in a video chat with Molloy, a conversation in which she says that she “majorly overreacted” to Pesca’s posting of the link. “I get it. Like. I can come off a little over the top, a little strong, a little angry. And like I understand that’s something I do need to work on. Calling someone a ghoul? … Not ideal. Not great. I’m trying to do better and be better. I don’t want to be the cranky person yelling. … I want to be as helpful as possible. Sometimes the internet brings that out in me.” She also says “I don’t consider myself an activist.”

News & Views

News: A proposed course titled ‘The Problem of Whiteness” triggered death threats against a University of Chicago instructor.

View: The ominous overreaction from the right over this proposed course — “death threats, veiled threats, and threats of sexual assault, as well as all kinds of misogynistic, racist and antisemitic language” according a quote in the The Chicago Maroon student newspaper — is deplorable, of course, but let’s not deny that the course title is designed to push conservative buttons.

The instructor, anthropologist Rebecca Journey, told WBEZ reporter Nereida Moreno that by “The Problem of Whiteness” she meant “problem” not in the negative sense of defect or failure but “in the philosophical sense of an open question … (with) whiteness as an object of critical inquiry.” In the Maroon, Journey said, “This class is about interrogating whiteness as a social construction, not as a biological fact.”

And fine! That sounds like a really interesting and useful area of academic inquiry. The title, though, is, um, problematic. “The Problem of Whiteness” is misleadingly and unnecessarily provocative, and let’s not pretend otherwise.

News: The Senate passed bipartisan legislation to protect same-sex marriage

View: Well, that was fast! I’m sure progress seemed glacial to same-sex couples who were denied their rights and their dignity for so long, but consider that we are just 18 years past the time when Republicans contrived to put same-sex marriage referendums on statewide ballots because they knew it would increase the chances that socially conservative Republicans would be elected; just a little more than 10 years past the day when then-Vice President Joe Biden took a position at odds with then-President Barack Obama when he said on “Meet the Press” that he is “absolutely comfortable” with same-sex marriage and that gay couples “are entitled to the same exact rights, all the civil rights, all the civil liberties.” And we are just eight years removed from the day the U.S. Supreme Court narrowly OK’d same-sex marriage.

“The winds of change have been at gale force for some years now,” I wrote at the time. “Younger Americans, even Republicans, support the rights of gays and lesbians to marry. The generations that oppose the idea are literally dying out. We will wonder, 30 years from now if not much, much sooner, what the big deal was.”

News: Heather Mack wants to live with her 7-year-old daughter while she awaits trial

View: Most of you, I’m sure, share my contempt for Mack, the former Oak Park resident convicted in Indonesia of helping to murder her mother in 2014 then stuffing the body in a suitcase. What she wants as she awaits trial in the U.S. for conspiring to commit that murder overseas is immaterial to me, and her legal presumption of innocence is, under these circumstances, a laughable fiction.

The question I have is, what’s best for Estelle Schaefer, the child born while Mack and her former boyfriend Tommy Schaefer were awaiting trial in Indonesia? And I suspect that having a close relationship with her mother, however vile her crime was, will be optimal in the long run.

News: The MyPillow guy is running for chair of the Republican National Committee

View: MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell is an election-denying ignoramus, a cartoonish man given to outrageous statements and spectacular lies. In other words, perfect for the Party of Trump.

In a series of so-called documentaries, Lindell has advanced an increasingly outlandish theory that foreign hackers broke into the computer systems of election offices like Clark County to switch votes – in what he has described as the “biggest cyber-crime in world history.” (CNN)

“We already have all the pieces of the puzzle,” Lindell said on Real America’s Voice (in January). “We have enough evidence to put everybody in prison for life, 300-and-some million people.” (Yahoo)

Following the insurrectionist riot (at the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021) incited by Trump, Lindell claimed the attack was “very peaceful” and blamed the violence on “undercover antifa dressed as Trump people.” (Daily Beast)

News: Michigan wallops Ohio State 42-27

View: As a Michigan alum whose parents were both on the faculty, I’m thrilled, of course, both with the victory in the biggest regular-season game of the year and with the restoration of a meaningful rivalry between the two schools.

OSU had beaten Michigan 15 of the last 16 times they’d played prior to last year’s Michigan victory in Ann Arbor (which some considered a fluke). Now that Michigan has won two in a row, I look forward to the end-of-season clash to be close and meaningful again for years to come.

Sam Block @theblockspot

Part of me wants to say Ohio State 56-10. I’ll go Buckeyes 41-17 to be nice. Today won’t be close.

I’m suppressing the urge to dunk on those like Sam Block who smugly predicted a rout by Ohio State because, honestly, like the oddsmakers, I, too, was expecting Michigan to fall short. They were losing to lowly Rutgers at halftime earlier this season, after all, and that was when their star running backs weren’t injured!

News: Bears coaches are trying to decide whether to play injured quarterback Justin Fields this Sunday against the Packers.

View: Shut him down! The Bears are going nowhere this season, and preserving the long-term health of the most exciting, promising quarterback they’ve had in many years must be the team’s top priority. 2022 was a bust, as all the experts predicted. Maybe 2023 won’t be with a fully healthy Fields.

Phase two of the race for Chicago mayor is now underway

The ground pawing and throat clearing are now over. Monday was the deadline for mayoral hopefuls to submit their nominating petitions and the day when we learned for sure that, for example, former Chicago building commissioner Judy Frydland, City Clerk Anna Valencia, former prosecutor and one-time candidate for Cook County state’sattorney Bill Conway are not running despite rumors to the contrary, and that a truck driver named Johnny Logalbo, who I’d never heard of, is running.

Or at least Logalbo has turned in petitions. I doubt very much that he has the 12,500 valid signatures needed to secure a spot on the Feb. 28 ballot. The next phase of the process will be the petition challenges, and I’m not only skeptical of Logalbo’s chances to stay on the ballot, but I’m also skeptical of the chances of activist Ja'Mal Green, Chicago police officer Frederick Collins and Ald. Roderick Sawyer, 6th.

On “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week, my fellow panelist Heather Cherone noted that a third of the candidates who submitted petitions for mayor in 2019 did not survive to make it to the ballot. If that same portion obtains this time, the field of 11 will consist of just seven or eight candidates.

My best guess is when all the challenges are resolved, the field will consist of these seven:

• Lori Lightfoot, incumbent mayor

• Willie Wilson, entrepreneur/philanthropist

• Sophia King, 4th Ward alderman

• Kam Buckner, Democratic state representative and chairman of the House Black Caucus.

• Paul Vallas, former Chicago Public Schools CEO

• Chuy Garcia, U.S. representative

• Brandon Johnson, Democratic Cook County commissioner

A Tribune editorial Tuesday offered a respectful tip of the cap to those willing to run and put very smartly the “who would want this job anyway?” question:

The job of Chicago mayor is by any standards a difficult job, even aside from all the unavoidable criticism, of which we deliver more than our share, even when the problems flow from the mistakes of others.

A tribal City Council has to be appeased. Department of Streets and Sanitation workers have to be told to take instant care of the snow and ice, as inevitable as an aldermanic rebellion. Then there is the unappetizing prospect of waking up in the morning to the news that more kids have been shot, followed by the inevitable questions as to what you, Mayor, plan to do about an issue that clearly is rooted in causes that extend far beyond the borders of Chicago.

Plenty of ambitious A-listers have pondered all this over Italian beef sandwiches and decided their ambitions lie elsewhere. The job of mayor in major cities lacks the political glamour and opportunity of governor posts and assignments in Washington, D.C. They are retail positions with all the attendant problems of the duty manager.

Land of Linkin’

• BuzzFeed: “35 Incredibly Cool Charts About Cooking And Food That Will Make You So Much Smarter —Reading this is like taking a cooking course in a five minutes.” The headline oversells this listicle, but there are a good two dozen interesting entries here, especially if you’ve always been interested in doughnut-wine pairings.

  

• If you’re at all interested in folk violin styles — and come on! you really should be! — take a look at these four stunning videos from Michael Burnyeat: “30 Different Fiddle Styles,” “Another 30 Fiddle Styles,” “20 Different Types of Fiddle Tunes” and, just posted, “10 Canadian Regional Fiddle Styles.”

• 2023 Chicago Mayoral Scoreboard — keep track of who’s in and who’s out.

• Celeste Fisher’s Tribune op-ed, “My husband, Republican Jim Durkin, is an endangered species,” is a sharp indictment of the crazies who have their grip on the Illinois GQP (not a typo).

• After reading about the Thanksgiving Day defacing of a statue of Abraham Lincoln in the Edgewater neighborhood evidently motivated by Lincoln’s decision to allow the execution of 38 Dakota warriors in 1862, it behooves you to read the fact-check at Snopes.com. “Although Abraham Lincoln did approve 39 death sentences (one of the condemned men was ultimately spared), he also prevented the hangings of 264 other Native Americans by commuting their death sentences. … Despite intense political and popular pressure, Lincoln spared the lives of many more Dakota fighters than he condemned, albeit not as many as he could have.” East Carolina University historian Gerald Prokopowicz, my friend and a Civil War expert, added, “It gained (Lincoln) no political capital and flew in the face of warnings from Minnesota political leaders that settlers would take matters into their own hands if the government didn't carry out the executions.”

• I will keep expanding this list of fictional Northwestern football scores as readers offer suggestions.

• Also in Tuesday’s PS, I cast a hairy eyeball at soccer triumphalists.

• Capitol Fax illustrates proposed language changes to the SAFE-T Act. Mark Maxwell has a similarly useful Twitter thread.

• “The Markup created a browser extension that identifies (products Amazon sells under its more than 150 private-label brands) and makes their affiliation to Amazon clear. Brand Detector highlights product listings of Amazon brands and exclusive products by placing a box around them in Amazon’s signature orange. This happens live while shoppers browse the website.”

• YouTuber Mark Rober is an engineer, inventor and educator who puts out wildly inventive, kid-friendly videos with roots in science and engineering. One fan recommend starting with “World's Largest Devil's Toothpaste Explosion,” “Backyard Squirrel Maze 1.0,” and “World’s Largest Super Soaker.”

• “Once you trade your moral compassion for a cookie, you’ve been bought. Don’t bother explaining what a good cookie it is,” writes Neil Steinberg in “Hatred is their secret sauce — Blowing kisses at bigots is what Trump does.”

• Steinberg illustrated the blog version of his column with an image generated by DALL-E 2, the artificial intelligence image creator. I asked the DALL-E program to render “Abraham Lincoln using an iPad,” which is what I asked cartoonist Scott Stantis to draw for me many years ago when I inaugurated the Land of Linkin’ feature on my old blog. The result tells me that Scott should not be too worried about being replaced by a bot:

  

• The Picayune Sentinel on the air: On Thursdays at 4:30 p.m., WCPT-AM 820 host Joan Esposito and I chat about ideas raised in the new issue. This week I’ll be chatting with guest host Turi Ryder. The listen-live link is here.

• The Picayune Sentinel preview: Tuesday at 11:30 a.m. I talk with WGN-AM 720 host John Williams about what’s making news and likely to be grist for the PS mill. The WGN listen-live link is here.

Many of you feel bad for my Keurig. That is because you’re crazy.

The Zorn family Keurig, on its way to the alley Sunday evening

A month shy of 10 years ago, we replaced our Braun drip coffee maker with a Keurig brand single-cup coffee maker (along with refillable pods, because we are Extremely Green). And it provided reliable service until a few weeks ago, when it began brewing only intermittently. Over Thanksgiving weekend, it stopped working altogether, so I unplugged it from its prominent spot on the counter and took it out to the garbage in the alley — pausing only to snap this “gone but not forgotten” photo for the archives.

It was a workhorse, and I’m bound to say I’m astounded anymore when an appliance or device of any sort functions smoothly for a decade. We have been through three electric kettles during that time, at least four toasters and two oven igniters.

The sentimental twinge I felt setting it on top of the bin put me in mind of the classic 2002 Ikea ad from director Spike Jonze in which the punchline was, “Many of you feel bad for this lamp. That is because you’re crazy. It has no feelings. And the new one is much better.”

I’ve replaced the Keurig with a one-cup French press carafe. Neither has feelings, unless you buy into the premise of the delightful podcast, “Everything is Alive.”

Jonze cut a follow-up spot in 2018 that provided a happy ending for the lamp. Both commercials are in this video:

So maybe, just maybe, a little girl rescued my Keurig from the alley — somebody did! — and is now somehow delighting in it, making pretend cups of not-quite-hot-enough coffee for her dolls, perhaps.

Songs of Good Cheer update

I’m so glad we’re attempting this song again for our shows Dec. 9-11 at the Old Town School. Beverly Smith composed it not long ago, but it has an antique, three-chord Carter Family feel. I’m as excited about the song lineup this year as I’ve been in the 24 years Mary Schmich and I have been hosting this event. Old classics and numbers like this one that deserve to become classics.

The stars foretold of a blessed savior 
Born in Bethlehem
Not in a castle, but a lowly stable
The child of everyone.

Will you know him         When you see him?            Will he
                (Will you know him              When you see him? )   
Look like any other man?
(Will you re  -   cog   -     nize         your re- dee – mer )
Will you recognize your savior? Will you know your redeemer
As the child in Bethlehem? 

We are pilgrims, weak and weary 
And we traveled from afar
With hope to see him that innocent baby
Beneath that wonderful star

We watched the night skies, signs and wonders
That would guide us on our way
To the innocent baby the heavens told us 
Would be born on Christmas Day

Ticket info

Mary Schmich: An autobiography in questions

My former colleague Mary Schmich posts occasional column-like entries on Facebook. Here, reprinted with permission, is her most recent offering:

Over the summer, as I was sorting through a closet, I ran across a notebook I jotted in while on vacation a few years ago. The place I was staying was deep in the California mountains, without WiFi or cell reception, so in the absence of the usual distractions, I had time for Big Thoughts, which led me to make a list of self-reflective questions.

It seemed an easier approach to thinking about Life than writing full sentences and paragraphs, and it turned out to be an entertaining, even useful, exercise.

I had a birthday this week—always shocked and grateful—and it seemed like a moment to revisit the questions. I’m sharing a few—not all— in case you find it an entertaining exercise for yourself. And, of course, you could write your own questions. The possibilities are endless.

• Which of your parents do you most resemble temperamentally?

• What are the names of three people—outside your immediate family and your closest friends—who influenced you?

• What is a childhood book that influenced you?

• A book that influenced you as a teenager?

• What was the hardest period of your life?

• How did you get through it?

• Who was the first person you loved romantically?

• Who loved you romantically?

• Are those names the same?

• What is something you were taught to believe as a child but no longer believe?

• Name two or three friends who marked you before high school.

• In high school?

• College?

• Have you made close friends as an adult?

• How do you define “close friend”?

• How many homes did you live in before you left home?

• Are you religious?

• If so, when did you become so? If not, where do you find meaning and guidance?

• Name an event that happened to you in childhood that shifted the course of your life.

• What is something that hurt you?

• Did you get over the hurt?

• Who have you known who makes you laugh really hard?

• Who makes you think really hard?

• What is your greatest fear? How do you deal with it?

• Are you afraid of dying?

• Name an article of clothing you’ve owned for more than 10 years.

• Why did you keep it?

• How many places (cities/towns) have you lived in? What are they?

• Do you like to talk to strangers?

• Who do you talk to in your inner dialogues/monologues?

• When you look back at things you’ve said and done, what makes you cringe in regret or horror? Just one.

• Do you like answering questions?

— Mary Schmich

Minced Words

Heather Cherone of WTTW-Ch. 11 and I joined host John Williams of WGN-AM 720 on this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” to talk about the mayor’s race, the retirement of veteran 14th Ward Ald. Ed Burke, soccer and Donald Trump’s decision to dine with antisemites. Ace political reporter Mark Maxwell of KSDK-5 St. Louis dropped in for a segment on how the Illinois General Assembly is amending the SAFE-T Act.

I’m grateful to Heather for introducing me, during our pre-show confab as seen in the video above, to “nope” as a verb. She said she and her family went to the Christkindlmarket, “but it was so crowded … that we noped out of there pretty fast.”

I yepped to that usage.

Subscribe to “The Mincing Rascals” wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can now hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.

Re: Tweets

In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor and so can’t be included in the classic Tweet of the Week contest in which the template for the poll does not allow the use of images. Subscribers vote for their favorite, and I post the winner here every Thursday.

Here’s the winner from the pre-Thanksgiving poll:

Ben Rosen @ben_rosen

three of the worst flavors imo

And here’s the winner from Tuesday’s poll:

Prof. Feynman @ProfFeynman

Schrödinger's Plates: They are both broken and not broken until you open the door.

The new nominees for Tweet of the Week:

• BOSS: Where were you yesterday? ME: I went back in time and killed baby Throgston. BOSS: Who? ME: *under breath* My God, it worked!” — @fro_vo

• At first I was skeptical of the Monkees. Who are they? Do they put anybody down? Do they, as their name suggests, monkey around? Such doubts were soon laid to rest. — @kipconlon

• Elon Musk has the same energy as the kid that would rage-quit tag when they were it. — @nadabuntic

• I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”— @CooperLawrence

• Trying to write erotica but I'm almost in my mid-50s so everything is like, "It felt good, like putting on a brand new pair of socks for the first time." — @RodLacroix

• I often get racially profiled. Servers in Asian restaurants automatically bring me a fork. — @RickAaron

• That recipe looks so good I cannot wait to add it to my bookmarks and forget that it exists. — @roastmalone_

• Whoa, Black Friday (bam-ba-lam), Whoa, Black Friday (bam-ba-lam), Black Friday is wild (bam-ba-lam), I just punched a small child (bam-ba-lam). — @mattytalks

• My parenting style right now is like “gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, I’M CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!!!, gentle parenting, gentle parenting.” — @bekindofwitty

• If you want to know why Americans aren’t into soccer it’s because to us it looks like “Riverdance” with a ball. — @BobTheSuit

Vote here in the poll. For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Just about every week I get notes and comments from readers who complain that the finalists are below average or even not funny at all. I take these in stride because humor is subjective, I rely on what crosses my feeds, it’s harder than it looks to find good ones, and, well, sometimes I agree with them. I think today’s crop is pretty good, but it’s hard to dispute matters of taste.

Reader Jay Gerak told me he thought he could do better and asked if I would present his top 10 and ask readers to vote on whose curated collection was the most amusing. I’m glad to do it! And if anyone else wants to try, I’ll host another, similar challenge.

Jay Gerak’s Top Ten

• Your Coffee shop OPENS at 10am? Oh yeah y’all definitely money laundering, — @whoaitsderick

• So it turns out that a home DNA test is not a good baby shower gift — @Mariana057

• Told my husband, “don’t forget the two things we talked about,” knowing full well we only talked about one thing, just to see him sweat. — @MumOfTw0

• Me: What's for dinner? Wife: I’m making a quinoa and kale— Me: [already at McDonald's] — @RodLacroix

• I complained about a crying baby to the flight attendant; turns out they won't accommodate you if the baby is yours.— @oneawkwardmom

• [on my deathbed] everyone's in here, why are the lights on in the living room? — @raoulvilla

• My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. My daughter Chewbacca not so much. — @GaryDaBaum

• Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years? Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening. — @bdnovo

• Remember to help your wife around the house. She needs to know when it's laundry time and when certain areas of the house are dirty and need cleaning. Help her with dinner as well by making sure she knows ahead of time what you want to eat. — @dadmann_walking

• Vasectomies are up, which is weird, because the MAGA hat was sufficient. — @Logically_JC

Tune of the Week: ‘Mayfly,’ from guest nominator Barbara Brotman

At a recent dinner gathering, my friend and former colleague Barbara Brotman said how she and two friends had wept during a concert when Chicago musician Steve Dawson sang his song “Mayfly.”

It is a sweet song. But before you click to play it, here’s Barbara’s explanation why she found it so moving:

I teared up at the first line.

“In the dream the rain is ending…”

Why should I cry? There was nothing tragic in the lyrics. Steve Dawson, of the beloved Chicago band Dolly Varden, was singing us a story, from the stage at FitzGerald’s as we in the audience sipped our drinks and listened to “Mayfly.”

“It is 65 degrees. It is very late September; there is yellow in the leaves of the trees, and we are driving on a highway…”

It was partly the music. The beauty of the melody, and the tender sweetness of Dawson’s voice, signaled that this story was going to hit home.

But it was also the words. They are driving on a highway. She is wearing a blue dress. She is looking down and laughing. Nothing is happening — just life.

Time is passing in the song, and also in front of our eyes. Dawson was performing with his wife and musical partner, Diane Christiansen, backed this night by the band The Lucid Dreams. The story was surely personal.

“Mayfly” is short, but it covers decades. In the song, their hair goes gray. The title is referenced when Dawson sings about hovering over his life like a mayfly. But to me, it was about the brevity and preciousness of life. An adult mayfly lives for one day. On a universal scale, we don’t live much longer.

But how to live? That, in less than 7 minutes, is the subject of“Mayfly.” Most of us live far offstage. We drive on highways. We dream. We love. We age. Ordinary things — but “Mayfly” valorizes them and puts in the perspective that life eventually teaches. Ordinary life — the people we love, the experiences we share, the trees that just turned flaming colors this fall — is extraordinary.

“We are lucky,” Dawson sings. “I must not forget.” He repeats that last line three times.

As the song ended, I turned around to my friends. Louise and Liz were dabbing their eyes. They are longtime fans, and have heard “Mayfly,” one of Dolly Varden’s most beloved songs, countless times. They cry every time.

That night was the first time I heard it.

I’ll be crying every time now, too.

Consult the complete Tune of the Week archive!

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