On 8th grade graduations and birthday memorials

Email from readers and the best visual tweets of the week.

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Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Become a paid subscriber to receive each Picayune Plus in your email inbox each Tuesday and join our civil and productive commenting community.

Did you have a graduation ceremony in grade school? Junior high?

I have no idea how true this tweet might be. I did not have a graduation ceremony from grade school or junior high in the 1970s— it never occurred to me that we should and I didn’t feel the loss, though the end of junior high was a poignant moment for me since half my friends were headed to a different high school. It still didn’t feel like a significant moment of passage or particular accomplishment.

My kids, now young adults, had such ceremonies at their schools, and I’ve got to say they weren’t “some shit,” but rather sweet moments in which they said goodbye to a building, a set of teachers and administrators and, in many cases, to one another. They were moments not to celebrate some great accomplishment — my God, if they hadn’t made it out of eighth grade! — but to savor the view backward and ahead.

But maybe the Grinchy spirit for which I’m generally known if not occasionally admired has deserted me here, so I’ll put it to the readership:

Notes and comments from readers —lightly edited —- along with my responses

On Memorial birthdays

Approval ran high for Thursday’s lead item in which I wrote that birthday observances should not be just for the living and the famous and suggested families make special note of ancestral birthdays long after death.

Margaret L — I still consider my parents' and grandparents' birthdays to be special days even though they aren’t counting years anymore.

Dennis A. --For decades I’ve been tracking family days of birth and days of death. And I ignore those friends and family who think it’s ‘morbid’. I view it as my own personal time to reflect on whomever may be occupying that little square on my old-fashioned paper wall calendar.

That inevitable slide into obscurity you reference can never be denied—just think of the billions that have preceded us in death. But at least for my time on this mortal coil, I am humbled occasionally by the reminders of those I knew who came before me.

Zorn — Demographers estimate that a little more than 100 billion* human beings have died throughout history, but, yeah.

*earlier typographical error corrected

 Paula D. --  I have kept on my calendar both birthdays and day of death for those whom I have been close. I reflect on their lives and find that comforting. Also having their death dates is a time to offer condolences to those who may be still grieving or to share a memory. Unfortunately electronic address books or calendars don’t have a slot for death but I include it in a note in the address book.

Cindy – Isn’t your idea what the Mexican holiday Day of the Dead is about?

Zorn — Sort of. Día de Muertos in early November honors deceased family members all at once, and some may prefer that to parceling out mini-memorials over the course of a year.

On the greatest Father’s Day song ever

Alice R. — The last verse of “New Harmony,” your Tune of the Week, left me in tears. I usually ignore poetry, but this rocked my world.

Cassidy P. — I dunno. Keith Urban’s “Song for Dad” gives your nomination for best Father’s Day song ever a run for its money:

In everything he ever did, he always did with love
And I'm proud today to say I'm his son
When somebody says I hope I get to meet your dad
I just smile and say you already have

And so does George Strait’s “Love Without End, Amen.”

 Let me tell you a secret about a father's love
A secret that my daddy said was just between us
I said daddies don't just love their children every now and then
It's a love without end, amen

Zorn — Those are good. Both are in the online list of “50 Best Father's Day Songs That Celebrate Dad,” while my suggestion is not. What I like about “New Harmony” is how subtle the allusion to fatherhood is. In fact, I thought it was a song of faded romance for many years.

On the propriety of using “enormity” as a synonym for “largeness.”

Jake H. --- I'm pretty fine with sticking with dictionary definitions for words like "enormity" and encouraging students to do so as well. I'm likewise in favor of dictionaries that maintain their prescriptive authority over those that, on the descriptivist principle, easily cave to rampant error. And I certainly support a prescriptive approach in education. If school is not the place to tell kids that "Me and him went to the concert" is wrong, for example, where is?

To which the response from many a linguist is, “Language changes, it evolves, as evidenced by such usage histories as the one discussed in Merriam Webster's enormity entry. That's all fine. In fact, it's more than fine. It's fascinating! How about I help you get that giant stick out of your ass, shall I?”

Fair enough. Yet I look at it a little differently. Whatever your time and place, there are usages that some significant number of people will think is simply wrong. And they will judge you for making them. They'll judge you harshly! They won't say anything, because they're nice, and they know, intellectually, that your error is no big deal. But there will be other brain operations going on in those people, operations that basically scream, "What an idiot!"

Perhaps you, reader, are not such a person and can't imagine being one. Well, imagine your reaction to a cringey joke, or horrible breath, or some other offense against social norms (also evolving) that does put you off.

I mean, when I hear "eck-cetera" -- as I do ever more frequently, I mean, constantly -- to my ear, you basically did a giant fart in the elevator. Even worse. For a moment, all the respect I had for you and your ideas flies out the window.

Unfair, I know, but I have to make an effort to get past it.  

Zorn — The results of a click poll filled out by 330 PS readers revealed a marked indifference to the expansion of the meaning of “enormity” from “great wickedness” to simply “largeness.”

And yet, as Jake points out, more than a third of people are going to hear or read you saying something like, “I’m always surprised by the enormity of Lake Michigan” and think a tad less of you.

On being chill with being lousy at golf

Dan P. Regarding your item, “ I choose to be a crummy golfer, thank you very much,” I learned early on that I wasn't willing to invest the time or money to become good. But that's not why I play. I play to spend a few hours with friends. That to me is the treasure of it. I don't keep score and I really don't care. I hit a ball. If it sucks, I throw down another ball.

Bob E. -- We are peas in a pod. I play at about the level I played at 30 years ago, but unlike back then, I don't get upset at bad rounds. I enjoy the camaraderie playing with friends [or former strangers, who become acquaintances], enjoy walking the course whenever allowed, enjoy the weather [most of the time]. I'm blessed to be alive and playing golf. I don't need a score to confirm or reject that thesis.

Zorn — Golf is very time consuming, fairly expensive and environmentally unfriendly But it’s not boring, particularly, as these correspondents note, when you’re out with friends. And it doesn’t have to be maddening as long as you accept the inevitability of inadequate shots and feel somewhat compensated by the occasional amazing shot.

Golf has a deserved reputation for being a sport of the privileged. Somehow skiing escapes that stigma, as does the very act of having season tickets to professional sports teams — I guarantee you I spend way less on golf every year than a game-attending Bears fan spends on his or her hobby.

On the Tribune’s opaque and exploitive subscription policies

Here are just a few of the letters and messages that came in regarding my item last week based on another dollar increase in the price of the Tribune’s “premium” issues that many subscribers don’t even realize they’re paying extra for.

Dennis D. -- We pay the outrageous price of $152 every 4 weeks for the printed Trib. And I usually only read the digital version, which is free for print subscribers. I keep saying I'm going to cancel the print version, but my wife likes to play the games. And I use it to cover the bathroom sink when I trim my beard. What would we do without it?

Liz M. -- I paid $3 for 1 year of the Trib (digital access only). I'm in the 2nd year of this deal. As my first year was close to ending, I called Customer Service to see if I could renew at that price. The rep said they could not offer that deal, it was online only. So I waited a week, and received an email offering that price. Snapped it up!

It continues to astound me what some people are charged for their subscriptions, and don't know to challenge the pricing!

Zorn — Three dollars is not enough to pay for a year of access or any sort to the journalism of the Tribune. That sets expectionas far too low. What astounds me is how shifty and shading their pricing schemes seem to be.

Jeanne DeV. — Thanks for the nudge about the Tribune rates again. I finally called customer service and my $34-a-month rate became $6.50 for 6 months. In 6 months I'll call and attempt to cancel again and we'll see what they offer.

Pamela B. -- I am so frustrated with the Tribune! I call every 6 months to cancel the special editions, so  thank you for that reminder.  Tribune  billing is so obscure, I don’t know if I am billed for issues or not. How about vacation hold? Did I get a credit? When I donate the days, do they get the paper? No way to find this out.

It is so confusing, my husband made a spread sheet. There have been times the bill has covered 9 weeks or as little as 5.4 weeks. The price per week ( I get the Wednesday and Sunday print edition) has been $5.59 to a new high of $13.34 (6.9 weeks). I called and spoke to “Larry”. My promo rate expired. I didn’t know I was on a Promo Rate. He would be happy to drop it to $8.25 a week. But the new numbers didn’t add up. That’s because there is a $3.50 fee to bill me. I asked if he was kidding? You charge me to bill me.

Zorn — I understand the surcharge for paper billing as paper billing is a paperwork hassle. I also understand why the paper doesn’t give credit for vacation holds, even though paying for a paper that isn’t delivered does stick in the craw. Think of it like the cable TV subscription you pay for even when you’re on vacation for a few weeks or the health club dues you have to pay even when you’re out of town.

Steve H. --  As someone who's long been frustrated / baffled by the Tribune's clandestine and preposterous subscription practices, I appreciate your continued criticism of them.  As you've noted, it's particularly galling for a news organization, purportedly dedicated to honesty and transparency when it comes to the folks it covers, to be so purposefully shady when it comes to its own accounts.

It's a conundrum, wanting to support a local paper, yet not knowing what would actually be a fair price, and being treated like a fool. Reading that you're paying about $120 a year for the same service for which I’m paying $163 did not make me happy. And knowing that if we cancel, we'd get some great offer either immediately or in a little while is annoying. 

I’ve given up asking Tribune Publishing management for how they would respond to such criticisms. But if any of those in charge of this area of the business want to comment, I’m easy to reach.

Also…

Michael G. — When Bette Davis learned that Joan Crawford had died, she said "Of the dead, speak nothing but good. Joan Crawford is dead. Good." My sentiments exactly on learning of the deaths of Ted Kaczynski, Pat Robertson, Silvio Berlusconi , and Robert Hanssen.

Steve H. --Last Thursday’s tweet poll points once again to the problem you identified a while ago — that tweets with a political theme tend to outperform more conventional tweets, even when they’re not as objectively funny because readers like the point they’re making. Obviously, this is very subjective, but "So HBO Max is now just 'Max.' Your move, Peacock." is one of the funniest tweets you've posted in months. The "lock her up" one is solid, but I purposely didn't vote for it, because I wanted Peacock to win and I assumed that the "stick it to the MAGA crowd" one would do well. Last I looked Peacock was in second place behind “Lock her up!”

Zorn — Yeah, for a while I was running separate political-tweet polls to blunt this effect and given this week’s likely result I’ll probably resume that practice as election season heats up.

I’m not the only one, I guess…

This letter to the Tribune’s Voice of the People published Sunday amplifies my gripe about the paper’s choice of editorial cartoons.

Two of my favorite photos of all time

I posted this 70-=year old photo of my parents to Facebook Monday in honor of my father’s 92 birthday:

And this is from the same era; my folks in their early 20s on the right track

Ya gotta see these tweets!

Here are some funny visual tweets I've come across recently. Enjoy, then evaluate:

Vote for your favorite. I will disqualify any tweets I later find out used digitally altered photos. I’ll share the winner in Thursday’s main edition.

There’s still time to vote in the conventional Tweet of the Week poll!

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