Brandon Johnson's false statement about Dr. Arwady was probably not a lie, but just more incompetence

& a serious look at the implausible idea of making Canada the 51st state

5-15- 2025 (issue No. 193)

• That’s so Brandon! — A lengthy update on the misadventures of Chicago’s maladroit mayor, this one focusing on his repeated insistence last week that popular health commissioner Dr. Allison Arwady resigned

• Last week’s winning quip

• A serious consideration of the implausible idea of the U.S. annexing Canada

• News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked

• Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go

• Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go

• Video: Neil Steinberg reads a chapter from his most recent book

• Mary Schmich — Reflections on growing up Catholic in the South

• How some Tesla owner are keeping thiir cars safe from vandalism

• What’s on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week — Plus green lights from the panel

• Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

• Which side won the click poll about the Tribune’s Schakowsky photo?

• Quips — The winning visual jokes and this week’s contest finalists

• Good Sports — The 2025 Colorado Rockies look like they might cause history to forget the 2024 White Sox

• Green Light — Reader Mark K. green lights the Oscar-winning animated film “Flow.”

Real eyes realize real incompetence

Before I launch into this item, a tip of the cap to the Tribune and Sun-Times for their excellent, thorough coverage linked to the second anniversary today of Mayor Brandon Johnson’s inauguration. That coverage, as well as the exhaustive (and in places, exhausting) coverage of Pope Leo XIV and his roots in the Chicago area, were prime examples of why newspapers are still very important.

Anyway, on May 9, the Sun-Times posted a video of City Hall reporter Fran Spielman and WBEZ city government reporter Mariah Woelfel interviewing Johnson, and my eyebrows went up at this exchange, which followed one of Johnson’s trademark word-salad explanations about why he had Chicago Public Schools CEO Pedro Martinez fired:

Mariah Woelfel: What made Martinez different from someone like Dr. Allison Arwady? You know, you weren't shy about cleaning house in certain departments. So I'm just curious.

Johnson: Well, remember she left on her own . I did not —

Spielman: That’s not what she said, though.

Johnson: She did announce her resignation. I did not offer up a letter to her asking her to step down. She did that on her own, and (I) respected her decision. I didn't take umbrage with her desire to move on with her life.

It was a bizarre assertion — Arwady, the popular commissioner of the Chicago Department of Public Health who led the city through the COVID-19 pandemic — was unceremoniously sacked by Johnson in August 2023, a move that I and many of my left-leaning friends still hold against him. Oddly, Spielman didn’t mention this exchange in her story on the interview.

But Axios Chicago reporter Monica Eng noticed it, and she followed up during her interview Monday with Johnson:

Eng: There was one part of the interview with the Sun-Times and WBEZ that I was confused by, because I remember covering the departure of Allison Arwady. You seem to say that she was not dismissed, but that she left of her own volition, and you were respecting her wishes. But (mayoral ally and now-former 35th Ward Alder) Carlos Ramirez-Rosa went on Ben Joravsky's show and, actually, did like 15 minutes, “Here are the five reasons why the mayor fired her.” And she said that Rich Guidice said, "You have to go." She pleaded to please be able to say goodbye to her staff, and he said, “No, you need to go now.” Did I misunderstand that she was not fired? Did you say she was not fired?

Johnson: She issued her letter of resignation.

Eng: But she wasn't asked to?

Johnson: She issued her letter of resignation.

This was not true. Not even close. Arwady never submitted a letter of resignation and in fact was cashiered in a particularly abrupt, chickenshit way — via a letter from then-chief of staff Rich Guidice:

Johnson had disagreements with Arwady’s performance as health commissioner for Lori Lightfoot when she was mayor. WBEZ summarized:

During her tenure leading Chicago through the COVID-19 pandemic, Arwady clashed significantly with the Chicago Teachers Union — which backed Johnson’s campaign and previously employed him — over the return to school. Arwady and former Mayor Lori Lightfoot vowed school buildings were safe for kids, and pushed to open them sooner, while the union representing teachers demanded more safety protocols, such as district-wide COVID-19 testing.

Johnson and Arwady also differed significantly on their approach to delivering mental health care to Chicaogans. Johnson wants to reopen shuttered mental health clinics, which Arwady, under Lightfoot, did not opt to do. Instead, the city funneled money through nonprofit organizations to provide mental healthcare.

Despite the differences, as mayor-elect, Johnson vowed to meet with Arwady once in office.

“In order to unite this city, we’re going to need the expertise from all of the different disciplines,” Johnson said in an interview with WBEZ on April 5, one day after his election victory. “I’m looking forward to sitting down with Dr. Arwady as well.

That sit-down, where such differences might have been reconciled, never happened. One need not get into the weeds of the “when should schools have reopened?” debate to know that people of good faith acting during a difficult and confusing time came to different conclusions. Similar good-faith-on-both-sides arguments can be made about the best way to provide community mental health services.

Arwady complained that she was dismissed and her email access cut off so abruptly that she didn’t even have the opportunity to say goodbye and thank her staff.

And when Johnson came under heavy criticism for the callous way Arwady was fired, he offered the cryptic, damning remark, “Real eyes realize real lies,” but otherwise refused to discuss the hows and whys of an incident that badly undercut his chesty proclamations about being a reasonable and collaborative mayor.

Was he clumsily trying to rewrite that ugly chapter in his history in those interviews with the Sun-Times and Axios Chicago? I contacted the mayor’s press office for an explanation. His spokesfolks did not respond to me, but Tribune investigative reporter Gregory Royal Pratt posted to social media that they had called him “to say Mayor Johnson mixed up Arwady, who was fired, with Jamie Rhee, who retired.”

That’s a bit hard to believe.

Eng’s question referenced Guidice, who bailed out on Johnson 11 months before Chicago Department of Aviation Commissioner Rhee resigned in February. The resignation, along with the resignations of Civilian Office of Police Accountability chief Andrea Kersten and Office of Emergency Management & Communications director Jose Tirado, came just three days after Johnson publicly warned, “If you ain’t with us, you just gotta go.” And though these resignations made news, they did not spark the widespread umbrage sparked by Arwady’s ham-handed firing. Ramirez-Rosa did not have to go on a podcast to defend these decisions.

Taking the press office’s message to Pratt at face value, it speaks to massive incompetence. Between the posting of the Sun-Times interview last Friday morning and Eng’s interview Monday, someone in his shop should have attempted to correct the record and jar Johnson’s memory so he didn’t make the same weird mistake again.

But no. For a guy who maintains that his low public approval numbers are rooted in communication failures, Johnson sure hasn’t learned the art of effective communication.

If he wanted to start off with his own hand-picked team of department heads two years ago, well fine. We all understand that new elected leaders are entitled to do that, even when the department heads are experienced and popular. And we also all understand that if a department head is failing or defying the administration, that person has to go.

But all along, Johnson has dangled holdovers from the Lightfoot administration on strings and then let them go without public explanation — “Real eyes realize real lies” notwithstanding — leaving the impression that he’s arbitrary, mercurial and out of his depth.

Last week’s winning quip

If you lose your khakis in Ohio, it means you can't find your pants. But if you lose your khakis in Boston, it means you can't start your car.

Here are this week’s nominees and the winner of the Tuesday visual-jokes poll. Here is the direct link to the new poll.

Wikimedia Commons map of Canada

Our 51st state? No Cana-do

I will stipulate that President Donald Trump’s bluster about annexing Canada and making it our 51st state is likely just another shiny rhetorical object meant to distract us from his trampling of the rule of law, engaging in irresponsible trade wars and grifting. But still. He keeps mentioning it, and I thought I’d at least entertain the idea.

Putting all of Canada into one state would not pass the fairness test. According to 2025 estimates, eight of Canada’s 10 provinces are more populous than Wyoming, our smallest state by population (587,618 is the current estimate). They are:

• Ontario — 16,182,641

• Quebec — 9,111,629

• British Columbia — 5,722,318

• Alberta — 4,960,097

• Manitoba — 1,504,023

• Saskatchewan — 1,250,909

• Nova Scotia — 1,079,627

• New Brunswick — 775,610

By population, Ontario alone would be our fifth largest state, right between Pennsylvania and New York.

Quebec is a wee bit smaller than New Jersey, which currently is ranked 11th in population in the U.S.

British Columbia has nearly the same number of people as Minnesota, our 22nd largest state.

Alberta has nearly half a million more people in it than Louisiana, our 25th largest state.

Manitoba through New Brunswick would rank in the 40s, each of them larger than Alaska, Vermont and Wyoming.

The two provinces that are smaller by population than U.S. states — Prince Edward Island (179,280) and Newfoundland and Labrador (545,579) — could merge, respectively, with Nova Scotia and Quebec. The lightly populated northern territories — Yukon (47,126), Northwest Territories (45,074) and Nunavut (41,414) — would have to be absorbed into the provinces to their south.

(Admission: Before digging into these numbers and studying the above map, I couldn’t have told how how many provinces and territories Canada had or locate most of them aside from Ontario and Quebec.)

Bottom line, annexing Canada fairly would result in eight new states, not one.

Gemini

Is joining the nations a crazy idea, even though an overwhelming percentage of Canadians oppose it — 80% to 90%, depending on the poll.

On Medium, Mohammad Huwaidi, who has lived in both countries, listed some of the pros and cons:

Pros

Economic Synergy and Lower Taxes: Integration would bring Canada into the larger U.S. economy, creating opportunities for businesses and individuals. Eliminating trade barriers and standardizing policies could result in significant economic growth. Additionally, cutting Canada’s high income tax rates — common in its current social welfare model — would put more money into people’s pockets.

Stronger Defense and Security: Becoming part of the U.S. would give Canada access to the world’s most advanced military infrastructure. …

Opportunities for Innovation: Merging with the U.S. would expose Canadians to a more competitive environment, fostering innovation and entrepreneurship. …

Expanded Global Influence: Canada, as a single state within the U.S., would gain access to the global clout of the United States. Canadians would find their voices amplified on the international stage. …

Harmonized Policies and Infrastructure: Joining the U.S. would mean unified infrastructure, trade policies, and streamlined border management. …

Cons

Loss of Sovereignty and Identity: Canada’s unique cultural identity, deeply rooted in its values and history, would risk being overshadowed by the United States’ influence. …

Healthcare Transition Challenges: Canadians cherish their universal healthcare system, and a shift to the U.S. model could lead to significant public dissatisfaction. …

Disparities in Political Representation: Canada would have far less political influence than it does as an independent nation. This could be a significant disadvantage in representing the interests of its people. …

Cultural and Social Differences
Despite similarities, Canada and the U.S. have notable cultural differences. Aligning these differences could be challenging and might lead to social friction.

I’m curious if Americans would like to add eight new states:

News & Views

News: Former Republican presidential hopeful Nikki Haley, reacting to news that President Donald Trump is accepting the gift of a $400 million airplane from Qatar, said, “If this were Biden, we would be furious.”

View: About time! The lack of ethical consistency from conservative Republicans in the thrall of Trump has been brazen and nauseating. Decent lawmakers and party bigwigs should have been realizing this and saying it all along: They can’t pitch a fit about Hunter Biden and then look away at Trump’s grifting, his violation of constitutional and legal norms, and his cruelty without appearing to be either partisan hacks or despicable cowards.

News: “‘The Bear’ Season 4 Premieres June 25 With 10 New Episodes”

View: I’ll watch this justly acclaimed, Chicago-based Hulu series, just as I’ll watch Season 4 of “Ted Lasso” on Apple TV+, but a three-season arc for both shows seemed sufficient to me.

News: Democratic consultants David Axelrod and Pete Giangreco are urging Gov. J.B. Prtizker not to run for reelection if he intends to make a White House bid.

View: Far be in from me to second-guess these veteran strategists, but I’d like to see Pritzker continue on as governor while he makes what I suspect will be an unsuccessful effort to win the Democratic presidential nomination. As the Sun-Times reported:

Overall, six presidents won the White House as sitting governors … The most recent example was Republican George W. Bush, who won the 2000 presidential election while he was Texas governor. Before him, Democrat Bill Clinton ran for and won the presidency in 1992 while serving as Arkansas governor. …

Eleven times, sitting governors were their parties’ presidential nominees but lost the election, including Democratic Illinois Gov. Adlai Stevenson in 1952.

The story also points out that seven men won the presidency after stepping down as governors, most recently Jimmy Carter (1976) and Ronald Reagan (1980).

News: Republican busybodies are trying again to ban pornography

View: Putative freedom-loving conservatives want to take away your freedom to view content that "appeals to the prurient interest in nudity, sex, or excretion," and "depicts, describes or represents actual or simulated sexual acts with the objective intent to arouse." Illinois own U.S. Rep. Mary Miller is a co-sponsor.

Land of Linkin’

• Submitted for your approval: WGN-TV’s weekend meteorologist Mike Janssen has one of the all-time great voices.

• Add to the list of good-news sites “Reasons to be Cheerful,” founded by David Byrne of Talking Heads: “Through stories of hope, rooted in evidence, Reasons to be Cheerful aims to inspire us all to be curious about how the world can be better, and to ask ourselves how we can be part of that change.”

• An eye-opener from Axios: “Here's what it'd actually take for Trump to revive Alcatraz.” The story does not include a cost estimate, but The Associated Press put the figure at $3 billion. and The Independent added “Everything you need to know about Trump’s bizarre plan to reopen Alcatraz.”

• Austin Berg of the Illinois Policy Institute and I were paired up for the most recent episode of Mike Pesca’s “Not Even Mad” podcast.

• Reader Bob E. points us to a 2020 article from Illinois Public Media, “Five Charts That Show Who’s Leaving Illinois And Why.”

• Curious about contra dancing? Sierra Walden of Bloomington, Indiana’s Harmony School has just released “Thank Your Partner,” a 15-minute documentary. If you like what you see, check out the Chicago Barn Dance Company website.

• Work requirements for Medicaid recipients? A 2020 research paper in the journal Health Affairs, “Medicaid Work Requirements In Arkansas: Two-Year Impacts On Coverage, Employment, And Affordability Of Care,” concluded that they do not promote employment.

Squaring up the news

This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:

■ “The pact is backfiring”: The Wall Street Journal reports (a gift link, courtesy of Chicago Public Square supporters) that a venerable New York law firm that cut a deal with Trump is bleeding lawyers.

■ As Trump’s pick for the U.S. attorney in Washington, Fox host Jeanine Pirro, prepared to be sworn in, a Washington Post editorial (another gift link) suggested the appointment is illegal.

■ A “Saturday Night Live” cast member was injured mid-show on Saturday, appearing with a crutch as the credits rolled.

■ Popular Information’s Judd Legum: “Why Qatar is bribing Trump.”

■ Contrarian Jen Rubin: The president’s willingness to accept a Qatari “gift” of a luxury jet is looking like “too much grift … even for MAGA Republicans?”

■ Lawyer Robert Hubbell takes a stab at answering a common question from his readers: “How does Trump get away with it?”

■ Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents on Sunday detained a U.S.-born American citizen—progressive Twitch pundit Hasan Piker—at O’Hare. Apparently, Wonkette’s Evan Hurst says, for “no other reason besides his political beliefs and the fact that he says them out loud, to people who subscribe to him.” Piker says, “They straight up tried to get something out of me that … they could use to basically detain me permanently.”

■ Marisa Kabas at The Handbasket: “The Trump administration is willing to sic its agents on media personalities.”

■ Piker gave “The Daily Show” a tour of the internet’s toxic “manosphere.”

■ The Intercept: Journalism students studying in a Columbia University library were suspended for a protest they took no part in.

■ Mediaite: “MAGA stars completely lose it over Leo XIV’s anti-Trump tweets.”

■ The Sun-Times reports that the public Facebook account of the older of the Chicago-born pope’s brothers is rife with hateful stuff—such as “anyone with a transgender child is ‘a sh__ty parent,’ former House Speaker and fellow Catholic Nancy Pelosi is a ‘drunken c___’ and ‘anti-Trump Democrats’ should ‘be arrested and tried for subversion and even treason against the U.S.A.’” But Louis Prevost has acknowledged he needs to tone it down for his brother’s sake: “I don’t want to get him in trouble or raise any grief.”

■ A suburban store dedicated to selling Trump-themed stuff faces closure for violating municipal sign and building codes.

■ Pritzker vs. “puppy-killer”: The Daily Beast says Illinois’ governor made clear that Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s visit to Springfield wasn’t his idea. Read his news release: “We would urge all pet owners in the region to make sure all of your beloved animals are under watchful protection.”

■ The Handbasket: In D.C., Noem was denied “another camera-ready moment of cruelty.”

■ The AP reports that Pennsylvania Democratic Sen. John Fetterman raised alarms with a wild outburst—“Why does everyone hate me? What did I ever do?”—at a meeting with union representatives.

■ A New York City teacher shares a firsthand account: “My school banned phones for the year. Here’s what happened.”

You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.

Just one of the goddamn days

I had a good seat at the recent event for Chicago Fights Back at the Hideout at which Sun-Times columnist Neil Steinberg spoke and read from his most recent book, “Every Goddamn Day — A Highly Selective, Definitely Opinionated, and Alternatingly Humorous and Heartbreaking Historical Tour of Chicago.” Here’s the entry for Dec. 10, 1924:

Mary Schmich photo

Mary Schmich: Growing up Catholic in the South

I grew up Catholic in the 1950s and ’60s, in that strict German-Irish-Latin-Mass way so prevalent in those days.

But this was in the South, which made it different. Catholics were a fringe group in the South, and at one point even targets of the Ku Klux Klan. I didn’t think about that as long we were in Catholic schools. In fact, I thought the Protestants were the strange people and I didn’t understand why they had so many churches, plus something exotic called Vacation Bible School. I mean, who read the Bible? Not the Catholics I knew. Snippets of epistles and gospels, fine. But the Catholics I knew limited themselves to a few Biblical excerpts intoned from the pulpit and they never opened the whole dang book.

But when I was in 6th grade, my parents could no longer afford — or even pretend to afford — Catholic school tuition and so we transferred to public schools. I was surrounded by aliens! Methodists, Presbyterians, Baptists! Even Lutherans! What were Lutherans?

I was puzzled when, one day during recess at my new public school, a boy walked up to me on the playground and said, “Go back to your own school.”

During that period, my seven younger siblings and I were living in my grandfather’s house in Macon, Ga. My father had gone bankrupt and we couldn’t afford food or rent, so my mother took us to live with her father.

My father, meanwhile, went to live on the outskirts of Atlanta, where he ran a Norge Village laundromat and sold Amway and Encyclopedia Americanas door-to-door.

But Dad usually came to visit on the weekends — in part, I think, to make sure we went to Sunday Mass. My free-thinking Southern mother was a convert and was more relaxed in her approach to sin and damnation, but he was an Iowa Catholic — meaning old-school. In his little town of Carroll, Catholics were divided between the Irish and the Germans, as distinct and divided as the Sharks and the Jets. They did, however, share certain things, among them the conviction that hell was always waiting for those who disobeyed the edicts of The Church.

There were two Catholic churches in Macon — a lot for a small Southern town. One was St. Joseph’s, the big church for white people, a sanctuary of stained glass and marble that stood on a hill downtown.

The other was St. Peter Claver, the little brick Black church on a street of shacks. The two churches weren’t far apart in miles, but racial segregation was as fortified as a stone wall.

But at some point, when I was in seventh and eighth grades, my family and I started going on some Sundays to St. Peter Claver. We were the only white people there except for the priest and nuns. I’ve never quite known why we started doing that.

Was it because my mother, in her kind and quiet way, always made it clear to us that forced segregation and its attendant evils were wrong? Or because my father felt it was easier to be poor in the little Black church than in the fancy White one?

These memories have been sparked by two recent events. One: the death of the egalitarian humanitarian Pope Francis. And two: I was in Macon last month and I stopped by St. Peter Claver to see what was going on.

It was food pantry day at the church, and I found several white women and a couple of Black men assembling brown bags of food. The place was modestly spiffed up. One of the women let me into the locked sanctuary and I gazed around, remembering how our family of 10 would line up in the back pew. One of the parishioners sometimes took my sister Gina in her arms to quiet her crying.

On the day of my visit, I was told that in the ‘70s, the church became racially integrated. Now, I was told, the church has a large Hispanic population and popular Spanish Mass. And many of those Spanish speakers are here—working— without legal papers. So in the past few months, in the menacing conditions of a new administration, many of them have been afraid to come to church.

Standing in that small beautiful sanctuary I saw a vast sweep of American history, the good and the bad and the ever-changing.

Programming note

For three and half years, my former colleague Mary Schmich has generously allowed me to share the occasional column-like entries like the above that she posts to Facebook — musings, updated thoughts, poems (hers and others) and long photo captions.

After my sharing this post (from April 23), she’s decided to step out of this particular limelight, but you can still find her on Facebook, and of course I’ll update readers on her latest projects — most recently the critically acclaimed podcast series “Division Street Revisited” — and the annual progress on our “Songs of Good Cheer” shows.

Big thanks to her for a great run.

One way to deter vandals

Reader submission

Minced Words

Cate Plys, Marj Halperin and I joined host John Williams on this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” podcast. Are we Pope’d out? No! Also: The gift airplane from Qatar, the new book on the cover-up of former President Joe Biden’s mental decline while in office and Brandon Johnson at the midway point of his first term.

Recommendations:

• John: A green light for humorist Dave Barry’s new book, “Class Clown.”

• Marj: A green light for “The Residence,” a Netflix drama.

• Cate: A green light for fennel seeds.

• Eric: A green light for “The Pitt” on what will soon once again be known as HBO Max.

Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.

Read the background bios of some regular panelists here.

Quotables

A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

You are about to watch the whole world respect a person’s chosen name. It’s that easy. — unknown

For many years I refused to touch (the Chicago Tribune), since doing so seemed like laying flowers on the grave of its former publisher, xenophobe and Hitler bootlicker Col. Robert McCormick. — Neil Steinberg*

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. — unknown

And so the Greeks sent me this horse. We're talking about one of the most beautiful horses you've ever seen. So big. So strong. Normally they keep this kind of horse for themselves, but they were such big fans. They said, “Sir, please take our big wonderful horse. Will even bring it to your house.” — Drew Magary

If you dislike Pope Leo XIV because he is too liberal, I have some very bad news for you about Jesus. — unknown

When any Democratic politician, including Gov. JB Pritzker, dares to stand up to extreme Republican rhetoric with any language beyond polite pablum and pious platitudes, pundits tell Democrats to lower the volume, cut the contempt and be nice. Democrats might alienate some putative centrist voter, and it just lowers the dignity of our political discourse. Heaven forbid Democrats do such damage to our precious polite political discourse! Meanwhile, Republicans such as our current president spew contempt like volcanoes of hatred, prejudice and madness. And that’s regrettable, but Democrats should be nice? While the Republican lava flow of contempt incinerates our constitutional separations of powers, our economy and (especially for women) our very bodily liberty, we must be nice. — Bill Savage

Can girls have 30 dolls if they’re a gift from Qatar? — unknown

(The attack on Ukraine was an) imperialist invasion in which Russia wants to conquer territory for reasons of power given Ukraine’s strategic location — Then-Bishop Robert Prevost, now Pope Leo XIV, in 2022

Personally, I think telling kids they'll have fewer toys for Christmas because of your tariffs while having yourself a $45 million military birthday parade is kind of a dick move, but what do I know? — unknown

*This line reminds me of a very old joke someone told me when I first came to work for the Trib: A first grade teacher in Chicago called the home of a student to speak to his parents. “Today in class I asked the children what their parents did for a living,” she said. “And Bobby told me his father plays piano in a house of prostitution. Is that true?” “Well, no,” answered the mother. “His father is a reporter for the Tribune, but you’re not going to tell a child that.”

Split decision

Last week I argued that the Tribune’s front-page photograph showing U.S. Rep. Jan Schakowsky weeping after she announced that she will not seek re-election last year was misleading and unflattering. But many of my friends in the journalism community thought the photo captured a beautiful moment. I took a click poll and, for the first time, saw a 50/50 split:

My last word on this is that, yes, it was a emotional moment on an emotional day, but making it the lead photo was akin to putting a photo of a sobbing mother of the bride on the cover of a wedding album.

Quips

In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor. Subscribers then vote for their favorite. Here is the winner from this week’s contest:

The new nominees for Quip of the Week:

• My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said, “Wow, that’s an amazing car.” He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year” — @weekdayjokes

• Bewildering that more songs have been written about West Virginia than Funky Town. — @benedictsre

• I'll never forget my grandpa’s last words: "Quit shaking the ladder you little shit!" — @UncleBob56

• People talk about AI being a “friend,” but my real friends would never hesitate to infringe on Disney intellectual property if I needed help designing a birthday card. — @johncoogan

• I can't believe anyone can't believe I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is not butter. — @wheeltod.bsky.social‬

• There are people in this world who have never heard a dial tone. — @poutinesmoothie

• Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again The Fashion Industry: No. — @bestestname

• Packer fans, your souls have never been in greater danger. — @Longwall26.bsky.social

• Pony: Is this your card? Me: Yes! Cool trick! Pony: Thanks! Me: Can you do any others? Pony: *sighs* No. — @uncleduke1969.bsky.social

• If I start a sentence “I find it interesting…” what I probably mean is, it pisses me off. — @ddsmidt

Vote here and check the current results in the poll.

For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Why the new name for this feature? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.”

Good Sports

Rocky bottom?

I find the ineptitude of the Colorado Rockies this year to be fascinating, and for the foreseeable future, I intend to keep track of their bid to avoid losing 122 games this season and snatching from the White Sox the distinction of owning the most number of losses in MLB history.

After 43 games, the Rockies are 7-36 (.162) . At the same point in the season last May, the White Sox were 13-30 (.302). They’re now 14-29 (.326)

The Rockies fired manager Bud Black on Sunday, a day after a football-score 21-0 loss to the San Diego Padres. I tend to think baseball managers take way too much blame for ineptitude on the field, but I suppose long-suffering fans want to see ownership doing something.

It might be hopeless. Yahoo Sports reports:

Little help will be coming from a minor-league system that ranks 18th among baseball's 30 organizations, according to MLB.com. The payroll is saddled with horrible contracts, such as the seven-year, $182 million pact with (former Cub) Kris Bryant, who has played 170 games in his four seasons with Colorado and just had surgery to alleviate a degenerative lumbar condition.

The Rockies are on pace to lose 136 games this year, which will cheer Sox fans from here to Rome.

Telander returns!

Former Sun-Times sports columnist Rick Telander has penned a profile of Bears’ top draft pick Colston Loveland for Fox 32.

Green Light

Green Light features recommendations from me and readers not only of songs — as in the former Tune of the Week post — but also of TV shows, streaming movies, books, podcasts and other diversions that can be enjoyed at home — i.e., no restaurants, plays, theatrical films, tourist sites and so on. Email me your nominations, and please include a paragraph or two of explanation and background along with helpful links, perhaps including excerpts from reviews or background articles. For TV shows, please include links to trailers/previews on YouTube and advice on where to stream them. The debut nomination is from Mark K.:

I'd like to nominate Flow, this year's winner of the Oscar for best animated feature. I finally watched it a couple of days ago, and it's still staying with me. Adults might overlook animated movies, but this one is really special and should not be missed. Beautifully crafted, with a hypnotic, affecting score, exploring universal themes of resilience, empathy and kinship, very relevant to current times, without a single word of dialog.

The Wrap reports that “you can watch “Flow” on streaming with a subscription to HBO Max, or find it available to rent or purchase on most major digital platforms.”

Info

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise. Browse and search back issues here.

Contact

You can email me at ericzorn@gmail.com or by clicking here:

I read all the messages that come in, but I do most of my interacting with readers in the comments section beneath each issue.

Some of those letters I reprint and respond to in the Z-mail section of Tuesday’s Picayune Plus, which is delivered to paid subscribers and available to all readers later Tuesday. Check there for responses.

If you don’t want me to use the full name on your email or your comments, let me know how you’d like to be identified.

Social media

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ejzorn

• Twitter: https://x.com/EricZorn

• Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ericzorn.bsky.social

• Threads: https://www.threads.net/@ejzorn

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ericzorn5

Help?

If you’re having troubles with Substack — delivery, billing and so forth — first try “Picayune Sentinel Substack help, Frequently Asked Questions.” If that doesn’t work check out the Substack help page. And if that doesn’t work, shoot me an email and I’ll be happy to help.

Thanks for reading!