Old man shakes his fist at the cloud taxes
& Stacy Davis Gates issues a public challenge to the mayor
11-21-2024 (issue No. 168)
This week:
News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked
That’s so Brandon! — Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s maladroit mayor
Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go
Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go
Mary Schmich — Thoughts after the death of a friend
Cheer Chat — An update on preparations for “Songs of Good Cheer”
Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately
Quips — The winning visual jokes and this week’s contest finalists
Tune of the Week — “No more Rice Krispies!”
Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.
Last week’s winning quip
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read. — @BobGolen
Here are this week’s nominees and the winner of the Tuesday visual-jokes poll. Here is the direct link to the new poll.
Chicago says it can raise $128 million by increasing the tax on what, now?
News reports about the ongoing budget negotiations on the City Council say that an increase in “the personal property lease tax on cloud computing” from 9% to 11% would raise $128 million a year.
I sought out an explanation and can offer this:
“Personal property” generally means property that can be moved, such as vehicles, equipment, livestock and so on. It’s categorically different under tax laws from “real property,” or land and buildings.
Lease taxes are similar to sales taxes when, say, you lease rather than buy a car.
In online postings, local tax attorney Samantha K. Breslow of the law firm Kilpatrick Townsend & Stockton explained:
In June 2015, the Chicago Department of Finance issued Chicago Lease Transaction Tax Ruling No. 12 (“Ruling No. 12”), which stated that a “nonpossessory computer lease” includes “cloud computing, cloud services, hosted environment, software as a service, platform as a service, and infrastructure as a service. …
Although the term a “nonpossessory computer lease” is not necessarily within the vocabulary of many taxpayers, the language has been a part of the ordinance since 1994 and generally applies to the usage of remote or computing software … in which the customer obtains access to the provider’s computer and uses the computer and its software to input, modify, or retrieve data or information.
Many jurisdictions consider cloud storage or remote-access data processing to be a service, not a product, for tax purposes. Chicago, however, recognized that the increase in computer functions being handled remotely represents a form of equipment rental.
For instance, if you pay Dropbox to allow you to store and retrieve your data on their remote servers, you are in effect renting space as much as you would if you were renting massive backup hard drives. Similarly, if you pay an annual licensing fee to be able to use certain software, such as Microsoft Word, or access remote databases, such as LexisNexis, it is equivalent to renting a tangible object of value.
Such a tax is rare around the country.
The term of art here is “software as a service,” which is commonly abbreviated SaaS, though since Illinois doesn’t tax services, the better acronym would be SaaP — software as property.
Breslow writes that when it comes to software and other services in the cloud, “the transaction tax will generally apply to customers whose residential street address or primary business street address is in Chicago, as reflected by their credit card billing address, zip code or other reliable information.”
A similar but smaller hike in the local tax on streaming services from 9% to 10.25% will raise an estimated $10 million a year.
Yes, the city needs money. But I’d like to see at least a little connection between that which officials want to tax and a government service, such as necessary supporting infrastructure. When I access a computer program or a streaming video from my home, the city has absolutely no involvement in the transaction, so taxing it feels arbitrary — as if there are no rules or principles involved in taxation politicians follow other than “if we can get away with it, we’ll do it.”
News & Views
News: Chicago Teachers Union leader Stacy Davis Gates wrote a letter Monday to Mayor Brandon Johnson telling him “it is necessary” for him to direct the current school board to settle contract talks with her union in the teachers’ favor.
View: The contents of the letter aren’t surprising. Johnson used to work for the CTU and the union bankrolled his successful mayoral campaign last year, so naturally Davis Gates wants to see contract talks resolved before the reconstituted board — featuring 10 elected members and 11 appointed by the mayor — takes over on Jan. 15.
“We are now at a critical juncture that requires your intervention,” she wrote in a letter the union posted online. “It is necessary for you to direct” the current board to settle the contract.
What is surprising is that Davis Gates imagines that applying this sort of pressure on Johnson publicly will be helpful. Johnson already suffers from the perception that he is a puppet for the union — and even if he wants to order the trustees he recently appointed to give in to the teachers’ demands, he now can’t do so without deepening that perception.
A phone call or quiet conversation would have been the deft way of advancing her argument. But neither Davis Gates nor Johnson seems to have the first clue about effective public relations.
News: Outgoing Cook County State’s Attorney Kim Foxx tells the Sun-Times that she “is confident she would have won a third term” had she chosen to run for reelection this year.
View: I agree. She won handily four years ago — by 19 percentage points in the Democratic primary and by 13 points in the general election — with the millstone of her botched handling of the Jussie Smollett case weighing down her campaign. It truly is old news by now. And for the most part, Foxx has exhibited the sort of smart, justice-minded approach to alleged wrongful convictions and prosecutorial priorities that many of us hoped for when she was first elected in 2016.
News: MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” co-hosts prompt furious blowback for their decision to have a fence-mending meeting with President-elect Donald Trump
View: Until I detect a softening of the tone of the criticisms that Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski have leveled at Trump, I won’t lend my voice to the lefty ululations of betrayal. The man who is soon to be the most powerful person in America if not the world agreed to a sit-down, and having a conversation with him — or any significant newsmaker — isn’t on its face outrageous or ill-advised.
On “The View” Monday, co-host Sunny Hostin said the country needs a free press willing to speak truth to power and she didn’t think it was necessary to travel to Mar-a-Lago to “kiss the ring.” A co-host, Alyssa Farah Griffin, said she thought highly of the MSNBC hosts for recognizing how many people voted for Trump.
Jeff Jarvis, author of the BuzzMachine blog and a retired journalism professor at the City University of New York, said online that “it is a disgusting show of obeisance in advance.” … Veteran cable news personality Greta Van Susteren called it “groveling.”
I listen only to the first hour of “Morning Joe,” the hour that MSNBC turns into an audio podcast, but through Wednesday I haven’t heard any evidence of groveling or the kissing of Trump’s ring or body parts.
CNN’s Brian Stelter reported “‘Morning Joe’ meeting with Trump was driven by fears of retribution from incoming administration, sources say,”
Last week, Trump ally and former White House adviser Steve Bannon warned MSNBC staffers to “preserve your documents” while predicting Gaetz’s Justice Department would pursue cases against them. Bannon name-checked MSNBC analyst Andrew Weissmann and anchor Ari Melber, cautioning “you young producers” better “lawyer up.”
But, again, until there are on-air signs of capitulation, I’ll withhold judgment. I’m unaware of any situation in which not talking to political leaders did a damn bit of good. Should I become aware of such signs on “Morning Joe,” however, I’ll join in the condemnation.
News: ‘Some Arab Americans who voted for Trump are concerned about his picks for key positions.”
View: Anyone who thought the election of Donald Trump would be better for the Palestinians than the election of Kamala Harris is an idiot. The disappointment of all those who thought they’d protest the Biden administration’s aid to Israel in the ongoing conflict by directly or indirectly facilitating Trump’s election was inevitable.
News: Chicago Tribune newsroom guild secures a contract after six years of bargaining with Alden Global Capital.
View: Finally! The negotiations seemed hopelessly stalled more than three years ago when I took a buyout offer and left the paper, and the company was so chilly and dismissive in the contract talks I listened in on as a member of the union that I thought the two sides might never ink a deal.
The contract, ratified with near unanimous support Friday, provides two years of consecutive raises and an immediate signing bonus to journalists who have not seen a raise since 2018. It also retains guild workers’ 401k match, raises minimum salaries to put the newsroom on a path to wage equity and contains essential protections against potential outsourcing of human journalism to artificial intelligence.
I now worry about layoffs among my former colleagues — they weren’t possible while talks were proceeding — but I’m glad they’re getting raises at last. There is talent in that newsroom and it’ll cost money to keep it.
News: Conan O’Brien will host the Oscars for the first time
View: I can barely stand to watch the protracted orgy of self-congratulation that is the Academy Awards broadcast, but O’Brien is brilliantly quick and witty. I’ll DVR the spectacle on Sunday, March 2.
That’s So Brandon!
Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s mayor
After insisting for days that he would attend the funeral of fallen Chicago Police Officer Enrique Martinez against the family’s wishes, Johnson finally backed down.
When will the mayor ever learn? He disgraced himself in almost exactly the same way back in April when the family of slain Officer Luis Huesca passed word to City Hall that they wanted the mayor to stay away from his funeral.
Fran Spielman in the Sun-Times reported:
The mayor’s office “initially agreed,” only to start “pushing back” the following day. … Chicago Police Department personnel told (Fraternal Order of Police union head John Catanzara) they had talked to the family, and “they understand that the mayor is mandatory to be here,” Catanzara said.
“I said, ‘You’re lying to the family. There is nothing mandatory about the mayor’s attendance, and shame on you for even trying to tell the family that this is the only option they have.’”
A flurry of conversations ensued, one including Chicago Police Supt. Larry Snelling on speakerphone with other police brass, one of whom told Huesca’s mother, in Spanish, it was “mandatory that the mayor had to show up.”
“ At one point, there was an implication that the honors funeral is tied to the mayor’s attendance. That was the guilt trip that we’re laying on this family,” Catanzara said.
Johnson finally backed down. But when word came out last week that the Martinez family did not want him at the funeral, his office released a statement saying, “These official honor services are solemn moments to honor the sacrifice of our officers and first responders. It is the Mayor’s honor to support the officers of CPD."
Whether their desire not to have the funeral turn into a photo-op for the mayor or a rebuke of his leadership doesn’t matter. It’s a funeral, for God’s sake. Offering to show up is common courtesy. Deferring to the wishes of a grieving family — as Gov. JB Pritzker did immediately when the families made the same request of him for both funerals — is common decency.
Johnson accused alders who are fighting him on the budget as “having tantrums“ and said, “It’s time to grow up. The people of Chicago don’t have time for that.”
What the people of Chicago don’t have time for as the end-of-year budget deadline rushes at us is public bickering. Johnson says he’s the “collaborator in chief,” but he’s evidently yet to figure out that certain discussions and negotiations need to take place behind closed doors so you can have the votes lined up before you go.
“Johnson sticks with underbudgeting for police lawsuits as actual spending soars.”
WBEZ’s Chip Mitchell reports:
Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson’s 2025 budget proposal recommends the same funding level for Police Department settlements and court losses that the city has allocated annually for five years … $82.6 million … even though the costs soared last year to a record $150.8 million.
Illinois Attorney General Kwame Raoul warned Johnson that his budget cuts to police reform efforts could find the city being held in contempt of court.
Raoul flexed his legal muscle on the same day the federal monitor overseeing compliance with the consent decree warned Johnson’s plan could deal a “devastating blow” to the reform efforts. … Johnson’s proposed $17.3 billion budget includes a 45% cut — from $6.7 million to $3.7 million — to CPD’s Office of Constitutional Policing and Reform, which is charged with implementing the consent decree. The office’s staff would be cut from 65 budgeted employees to 28.
Land of Linkin’
I will be chatting on WCPT-AM 820 with host Joan Esposito from 3-4 p.m. Thursday. Tune in or listen live here.
Streetsblog Chicago offers “Advocates from peer cities that have lowered their speed limits, with impressive results, offer encouragement to Chicago.” From the article: “Data from other cities that lowered their speed limits to 25 or lower years ago makes the potential benefits of the proposed Chicago policy obvious. For example, New York has seen a 23 percent drop in yearly pedestrian fatalities in recent years, as well as that city's lowest pedestrian death rate in a century.”
In case you’re tracking the national popular vote for president, you’ll see here that Donald Trump has now fallen just below 50%.
“‘Senior freeze’ tax program riddled with errors, lax oversight, Sun-Times finds” was an excellent bit of investigative journalism and resulted in “Fritz Kaegi OK'd tax breaks for 'low-income' seniors, now demands proof they qualify amid Sun-Times probe” last Friday.
“Cheaper Eggs,” is a timely new country song by Tennessee Brando.
In the Atlantic, podcaster Mike Pesca writes: “The Democratic Party resembles that most American of institutions: the HR department. Like human resources, the Democrats are a party of norms, procedure, bureaucracy, DEI initiatives, rule following, language policing, and compliance.”
How a banana duct-taped to a wall became worth $1 million to nutty art collectors.
Picayune Plus: Kamala Harris barely mentioned transgenderism in her campaign, but the Republicans cynically though deftly made it a big issue, and public opinion is not trending in the direction you might think.
The list of 96 things to do with dementia patients mentioned in a New York Times article reprinted in the Tribune can be found here.
This news item, “Oklahoma revokes license of teacher who gave class QR code to Brooklyn library in book-ban protest,” is a few months old now, but the effort is ongoing to share the code that allows teens in benighted backwaters access to e-books and audiobooks about race, gender and sexuality that their school and library boards have removed from the shelves and the curriculum:
Squaring up the news
This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:
■ A joint investigation by Borderless and the Investigative Project on Race and Equity concludes a contractor running a city-funded Chicago migrant shelter did a poor job of it.
■ Sun-Times D.C. bureau chief Lynn Sweet: “Donald Trump plans to use the U.S. military for mass deportations: Be scared, be very scared.”
■ Help refugees: Columnist Steve Sheffey spotlights a Biden administration initiative—the Welcome Corps—that lets groups of five or more Americans sponsor a refugee or refugee family’s entrance to the U.S. Here’s where to start—at least until a Trump administration kills it.
■ One suburban mayor is pledging “whatever it takes” to be ready for the worst of Trump’s policies.
■ Trump’s nomination of Gaetz put a Boner in the mouths of late-night hosts.
■ Columnist Jeff Tiedrich has a tip for CNN’s Dana Bash.
■ “The censorship is stunning”: Investigative journalist Ken Klippenstein reports that, within minutes of his publication of the Trump campaign’s vetting dossier for Sen. Marco Rubio—Trump’s pick for secretary of state—“Facebook banned links not just to the article but to every other article from this newsletter, notifying thousands of accounts [including Chicago Public Square] that their links had violated its terms of service.”
■ The editor-in-chief of Scientific American, the nation’s oldest magazine, is quitting after posting an expletive-filled rant about Trump voters on Bluesky.
■ The Sun-Times’ Stephanie Zimmermann explains how Illinois’ low-profile Citizens Utility Board has quietly saved consumers billions of dollars.
■ It’s offering a free guide: “A cheaper, cleaner way to heat our homes in Chicago.”
■ Columnist Neil Steinberg: “Historian Shermann Dilla Thomas had a six-figure day job at ComEd; then he took the CEO’s suggestion and ended up canned.”
■ The American Prospect’s Rick Perlstein takes aim at Google search’s AI fuckery: “The last thing the world’s information infrastructure needs is ‘experiments,’ with all of us serving as guinea pigs.”
■ Wired: How to protect yourself from government surveillance.
■ Advisorator Jared Newman explains why phone carriers want you to sign up for a supposedly free tablet or smartwatch—and why you shouldn’t.
You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.
Mary Schmich: ‘Enjoy your time.’
My former colleague Mary Schmich posts occasional column-like entries on Facebook. Here, reprinted with permission, is a recent offering:
A friend of mine died a few days ago. I woke up to the news from his wife. My first reaction was shock, followed by sadness for him, for her, for all of us who had had the pleasure of his presence.
And then from the ether, I heard a voice say: "Enjoy your time."
In the days since then I've heard that voice repeatedly: Enjoy your time. Don't fritter it away on fretting over what you can't control. This will all be over before you know it.
That thought doesn't depress me. It reorients me. And it brings to mind one of my favorite poems, "Nothing Twice" by Wislawa Szymborska. These are the first and last stanzas:
Nothing can ever happen twice In consequence, the sorry fact is We arrive here improvised And leave without the chance to practice. Why do we treat the fleeting day With so much needless fear and sorrow? It's in its nature not to stay Today is always gone tomorrow.
Cheer Chat
An update on preparations for the 26th annual Songs of Good Cheer winter holiday sing-along programs at the Old Town School of Folk Music.
You probably aren’t familiar with this gorgeous song of the season we’re preparing to lead at this year’s shows. In the rehearsal video below, Fred Campeau is noodling on guitar the banjo part that the vacationing Steve Rosen will play during “Songs of Good Cheer,” and that Steve plays on our new CD, which we hope will be available by showtime.
Lead vocal here is Anna Jacobson. Jim Cunningham is her understudy on this song.
Want to sing along with this and nearly two dozen other holiday-related songs? We’re printing up songbooks this week. Shows are Dec. 12-15, and tickets are now on sale online and at the Old Town School of Folk Music.
Minced Words
Cate Plys, Brandon Pope, Austin Berg and I joined host John Williams to talk about President-elect Donald Trump’s daffy Cabinet picks and the latest misadventures of both Mayor Brandon Johnson and the Chicago Bears on this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” podcast. Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.
Read the background bios of some regular panelists here.
Quotables
A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately
There’s nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule. — Mark Twain
It’s funny that when you tell a Trump supporter that you hope they get everything they voted for, they get mad. — AES
Dear Merrick Garland: If you wonder how someone like Matt Gaetz could possibly be Attorney General, the answer is simple: You did not do your job. — Don Winslow
If you think Donald Trump is too crass or cruel or incompetent to be president—if you are disappointed or even astonished that, having tried and failed to subvert the will of the people in the last election, he has come back to win fair and square—you should be asking yourself this question: why, to so many Americans, does the Democratic Party seem worse? — The Economist
(Here is) the core dynamic that has crippled the Democrats for the last decade. A tiny faction of usually young, well-educated, very-online social justice activists have been using the classic campus tactics of the far left to capture the interest groups and nonprofits that dominate Democratic policy-making. The weapon the activists use: classic internal accusations of racism/sexism/transphobia, empowered by staff revolts, Twitter mobs, and other social media. And then the Democrats, believing these groups represent actual public opinion, especially among minorities, take positions far outside the mainstream with scarcely any public debate — and become paralyzed when challenged. — Andrew Sullivan
You cannot trust medical advice from medical professionals. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
There is no vaccine that is safe and effective. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
I’m going to NIH (the National Institutes of Health) my first week, I’m going to call all the division heads and I’m going to call all the bureau chiefs, and I’m going to say, “We’re going to give drug development and infectious disease break —a little break, a little bit of a break — for about eight years,and we’re going to study chronic disease.” — Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
MAGA spent almost ten years furiously fulminating against invisible people it pretended trafficked children. And now Matt Gaetz, someone who genuinely traffics children, is nominated for Attorney General and they can't look the other way fast enough. Fakes, liars, hypocrites, and performative drama queens, the lot of them. — Betty Bowers
I see people are getting excited about the prospect of the hacked report on Matt Gaetz's illegal escapades being released. It's adorable that you still think Republicans care about morality or will be swayed by bad behavior. Bless your hearts. — Betty Bowers
The same people who’ve spent the last several years decrying “unqualified DEI hires” are now shoehorning through Cabinet nominations who can’t even pass a basic background test. — Brian Tyler Cohen
The wypepo vote in the presidential elections has gone for the Republican candidate since the dawn of race-based exit polling in 1976. 2024, not included in the chart, showed white voters supporting the Republican 57% to 41%, roughly the same as 2020.
Quips
In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor. Subscribers vote for their favorite, and I post the winner here every Thursday:
The new nominees for Quip of the Week:
Doctor: You have a disease Me: Oh no! Doctor: You can cure it with diet and exercise Me: Oh no! — @Kica333
It’s crazy that we get one toothbrush as a kid and we have to use it once a week for the rest of our lives. — @MoMohler
The trick is to be incompetent enough that they never ask you to do anything but just competent enough so it's too much trouble to get rid of you. — @wildethingy
Don't worry if your parachute doesn't deploy. You have the rest of your life to try to fix it. — @weekdayjokes
“Hey dud!” “You mean dude?” “I said what I said.” — @JMoneySlimer
Work is just a series of conversations reminding people of when you tried to talk to them about what they’re now surprised about. — @EdgarPoop1
Prank idea: Give every person access to all the information in the world without teaching them to discern what's true. — @InternetHippo
When I say "I'll take it under advisement," understand that I have no intention of taking anything under advisement. — @Heff_Ra
I kind of feel guilty telling my 4-year-old daughter that cupcakes are made from horses. I should’ve just given her a bite. — @JimGaffigan
Interviewer: Why did you bring a lawyer to a job interview? My lawyer: You don't have to answer that. — @Swan_Corleone2
Vote here and check the current results in the poll.
For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.
Why the new name for this feature? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.”
Tune of the Week
This came to mind the other day — perhaps the greatest TV commercial of all time:
If the test for musical sophistication is hearing the aria “Vesti la giubba" and thinking of the 1892 opera “Pagliacci" and not the late 1960s spot in which actor Johnny Haymer bellowed “No more Rice Krispies!” to the tune, then most people in my generation will fail.
Geeks notes:
The legendary ad agency Leo Burnett is responsible for the campaign that gave us the classic Rice Krispie commercial. … The commercial features a family seated at a breakfast table, where Haymer … is ready to eat, only to find he has been handed an empty box of cereal. In unutterable dismay, the actor begins singing of his woes. …
The fun part of the commercial is when Haymer's mother-in-law comes through the door singing the opera tune. She tells her son-in-law that she has brought enough Rice Krispies to last two months, and he cries that this is her 15th visit this year.
Younger readers may remember Krusty the Clown singing it on “The Simpsons.”
I’ve been opening up Tune of the Week nominations in an effort to bring some newer sounds to the mix. I’m asking readers to use the comments area for paid subscribers or to email me to leave nominations (post-2000 releases, please!) along with YouTube links and at least a few sentences explaining why the nominated song is meaningful or delightful to you.
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Here's what I don't get about releasing the Ethics Committee report on that pervert Gaetz. While he did resign from Congress, he was also re-elected to his seat in Congress on November 5.
So if he isn't confirmed as Attorney general & that's likely, he can still be sworn into the House as a representative on January 3, 2025, or even days later.
So for that reason alone, the report should be made public, because it would've been made public this week if he hadn't resigned.
The disgusting hypocrisy of that Christo-fascist Speaker Johnson is appalling!
"[N]either Davis Gates nor Johnson seems to have the first clue about effective public relations."
Amen!