The PS calls it: O'Neill Burke defeats Harris!

& Tweet Madness is down to the thrilling quarterfinals

3-28-2024 (issue No. 134)

This week:

• The slow vote count in Cook County has drawn the idiots out of the woodwork

• News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked on the flag burners, Pat Quinn’s promotion of yet another referendum and more

• Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go

• Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go

• What’s on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week

• Quotables

• Re:Tweets — The quarterfinal pairings in Tweet Madness ‘24

• Tune of the Week — “Texas Hold ‘Em,” a reader nomination.

Mary Schmich is busy, but will return!

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.

Slow vote count in Cook County draws the idiots out of the woodwork, but they’ll crawl back in soon enough

When Eileen O’Neill Burke is finally declared the winner over Clayton Harris III in the Democratic primary for Cook County state’s attorney, as has seemed inevitable for several days now, I expect a deafening silence from the addled conspiracy theorists who are promoting the idea that the slow pace of counting the votes and other minor hitches in this very tight race is proof that the fix is in for Harris.

Harris is the party-backed candidate and the anointed heir to retiring progressive State’s Attorney Kim Foxx. As of Wednesday evening he is 1,637 votes behind Burke, a retired judge who is backed by many conservative donors. It’s a significant margin. Though news stories dutifully point out that there are tens of thousands of mail-in ballots that have yet to be returned, it’s unlikely that more than a handful will trickle in now that’s it’s a more than week past the March 19 Election Day postmark deadline. Mail delivery in the Chicago area can be slow, but not this slow. Clearly, the recipients of those ballots, like some 80% of all registered voters in Cook County, didn’t bother to vote.

The Sun-Times deserves a deep bow for this headline Tuesday —

— calling further attention to the annoyingly protracted process. Delayed results translate into uncertainty and doubt among the tinfoil hat crowd despite the lack of evidence that vote fraud is a significant problem in the U.S. and despite expressions of confidence in the integrity of the process from the camps of both candidates here.

It would be better if mail-in ballots had to be postmarked four days before Election Day and/or had to arrive by Election Day, so that nearly all of them could be counted and included in the results that come out after the polls close. Moving the mail-in deadline back a few days is not to much to ask given the way delays are seen as part of a plot to change the outcome. I like this quote from a Tribune editorial concerning how city and county elections officials have confused the issue, in part by misreporting the number of outstanding votes:

The performance of both bodies over the past week certainly has sown dubiety. While most of the focus has been on the Chicago board's miscues, the Cook County board also has provided shifting information on how many ballots it has yet to count.

One does not get many chances in life to use the word “dubiety” (it rhymes with “piety,” and I invite limerick writers to have at this story), and the editorialist seized it.

For better or worse, expeditious returns enhance the confidence in elections necessary for the smooth functioning of democracy.

Assuming my forecast holds, when Burke is finally declared the winner by the mainstream media, the wild-eyed crowd will quietly accept the result and pivot to another paranoid notion. Or maybe they’ll settle for body shaming Gov. JB Pritzker, always relevant in their damaged little brains.

And I must note that not one single Republican elected in 2020 who ululated that the presidential election was stolen for Democrat Joe Biden expressed any doubt whatsoever about the integrity of the elections they won. Elections are rigged only when they don’t give you the result you wanted. Otherwise, they are free and fair.

Last week’s winning tweets

Eight tweets are now in the quarterfinals of Tweet Madness, my annual bracket tournament, which will conclude next week. You can go directly to the voting survey by clicking here.

News and Views

Flag flap

News: Ald. Byron Sigcho-Lopez, 25th, is weathering heavy criticism from nearly a dozen of his City Council colleagues for speaking behind a charred American flag at a Behind Enemy Lines protest calling for Chicago not to host the Democratic National Convention this summer.

View: Sigcho-Lopez says he was not present when a protester burned the flag, but he certainly gave his tacit approval of the incineration by delivering his remarks just feet away from what was obviously the charred remains of the Stars and Stripes.

(Matthew Kaplan/ for the Chicago Tribune)

And so what? Burning the flag in protest is constitutionally protected free speech, albeit an expression so provocative and offensive to so many that it seems likely to be counterproductive, pushing those on the fence on your issue over to the other side out of sheer contempt for your tactics.

Similarly, the violent confrontations with Chicago police that Behind Enemy Lines is promoting during the mid-August convention (see the flyer above) seem likely to backfire, hardening the positions of those who back Israel in its war on Gaza.

Sigcho-Lopez’ fellow alders ought to be much more concerned with the promotion of street brawls by the group he’s aligning himself with, and less concerned with the feckless symbolism of flag burning.

On Instagram, Behind Enemy Lines is asking people to sign a pledge:

I will not be (cowed) by “lesser of two evils” logic to give electoral approval to genocide and apartheid. No politician who supports Israel’s war and occupation should be able to claim moral decency or the political legitimacy that my vote would give them.

The loss of innocent life in Gaza has been horrifying and egregious, and I don’t pretend to know how best to negotiate a cease fire and stabilize the region, or whether the Biden administration could have done or is now doing things to advance long-term regional peace. I’ll even stipulate that they’ve failed to take steps that in retrospect would have saved thousands or even tens of thousands of lives.

But no organization that advances the view that Donald Trump would merely be marginally worse, if worse at all, for residents of Gaza than Joe Biden also should not “be able to claim moral decency.” Any left-wing or progressive organization that thinks withholding a vote for Biden in an election where he will be the only realistic choice against Trump is as foolish and naive as those people who think burning an American flag or doing street battles with police is a way to win converts and advance their cause.

I say this as someone who believes in protest and who supports the right to burn American flags (read my Rhubarb Patch debate on flag burning with a Northwestern University law professor or, for pithier argument, Neil Steinberg’s brilliant column in the Sun-Times).

Yes, amplify your voices with calls for specific action in the Middle East. Show strength in numbers. When powerful Democrats come to Chicago this summer, which they certainly will, the entire city will be a stage where you can make a noisy but ideally peaceful attempt to persuade them and the public that you have better ideas.

But enable Trump at not just your peril, not just the peril of the Palestinian people,, but also the peril of the world.

Pat Quinn, still trying to make the will of the people the law of the land

News: Former Gov. Pat Quinn is calling for an advisory referendum on the November ballot asking Chicago voters whether they want any state or local taxpayer money to be spent to build a new stadium or real estate development for the Chicago Bears or White Sox.

View: Taxpayers gave both teams huge subsidies not that long ago to build stadiums that they now realize are inadequate, and as angry as I still am about that, I’d be willing to listen to research-based arguments on how much if any public money for such construction would actually be a good financial investment.

Quinn produced the results of a scientific poll showing just 25% support for helping the teams build new facilities, and 66% opposition, with 9.5% unsure. I’m just eager right now to see how many of the alders who preened about democracy and the public’s right to be heard when it came to keeping the Bring Chicago Home referendum on the ballot will vote against seeking public input on stadiums, as they voted against seeking public input on whether Chicago should remain a sanctuary city.

From A.D. Quig’s story in the Tribune:

Wednesday’s proposal mirrors Quinn’s move in December 2000 when then-Mayor Richard M. Daley was helping usher along taxpayer help for the “spaceship” renovation of Soldier Field. Quinn at the time delivered a petition calling for a binding referendum on the stadium plan. It was blocked in courts and a bond issuance for renovations went forward.

Quinn had the right idea then, so give him that. But my guess is that lawmakers will decide the fate of these stadium proposals before November anyway.

Will Jussie delayed be Jussie denied?

News: The Illinois Supreme Court has agreed to hear the appeal of actor Jussie Smollett, who was convicted in Cook County of staging a hate crime against himself.

View: If there were a local bracket tournament to choose the most clownish, vain, obtuse, self-pitying public figure, Smollett would likely be pitted in the finals against the similarly insufferable former Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

Smollett still denies faking a a racist, homophobic attack against himself five years ago (!) despite the mountain of evidence against his preposterous story and his conviction at trial, and now he’s taking advantage of a clumsy diversion agreement struck by now-retiring State’s Attorney Kim Foxx to claim that his subsequent trial amounted to double jeopardy.

An Illinois Appellate Court panel disagreed with that claim in a 2-1 vote last year, but some among the state Supremes must think there is enough to his contention to merit the court’s review. Just when you thought we were done with this rascal, he’ll be back in the news again and might even earn a form of exoneration. If so, it will be rooted in an incompetent decision by Foxx’s office and amount to her parting gift a citizenry that largely holds Smollett in contempt.

However the court rules, I hope they conclude with the same admonition to Smollett as U.S. District Judge Steven Seeger gave to Blagojevich in recent ruling::

Read generally Dr. Seuss, “Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now! “(1972) “The time has come. The time has come. The time has come. The time is now. Just Go. Go. GO! I don’t care how. You can go by foot. You can go by cow. Marvin K. Mooney, will you please go now!”

Choice developments

News: Birth control pills are now being sold over the counter, the U.S. Supreme Court appears unlikely to place new restrictions on a drug used for early-term nonsurgical abortions, French lawmakers have enshrined abortion rights in their country’s constitution and Donald Trump has disappointed anti-abortion activists by suggesting a federal law allowing abortions up to 15 weeks of gestation.

View: These are among the signs that proponents of abortion rights are winning the legal and political battle to give women more control over their sexuality and reproduction. There will never be peace or compromise in the abortion wars, only skirmish victories. But at some point, it will dawn on the anti-abortion rights zealots that the public has rejected their extremism and every seeming victory, such as the Dobbs decision undoing the protections of Roe v. Wade, sparks a backlash.

Will we always have Paris?

News: Paris Schutz, the co-anchor of WTTW-Ch. 11’s flagship news program “Chicago Tonight,” announced this week he will be leaving the station next month “to pursue an exciting new adventure” that he did not specify.

View: Schutz is an outstanding host, interviewer and reporter. The public TV station was very lucky to have him as long as it did. I hope he ends up with a local gig that takes full advantage of his comprehensive skills. NBC 5’s political reporter Mary Ann Ahern seems to think (or to hint?) that he’ll remain in Chicago:

Feds want to pop the green bubbles

News: The U.S. Department of Justice wants Apple to stop discriminating against non-Apple products in its texting app.

I share US Attorney General Merrick Garland’s vexation that Apple’s iPhone discriminates against text messages from phones and devices that use the Android application. “If an iPhone user messages a non-iPhone user in Apple Messages, the text appears not only as a green bubble (as opposed to a blue bubble when the message comes from an iPhone), but incorporates limited functionality," he said in a speech last week announcing antitrust action against Apple.

Garland said "the conversation is not encrypted, videos are pixelated and grainy, and users cannot edit messages or see typing indicators."

I find that I can’t reliably send photos or videos or other attachments to Android users on my iPad, an Apple device.

Last November, The New York Times reported:

On dating apps, green-bubble users are often rejected by the blues. Adults with iPhones have been known to privately snicker to one another when a green bubble taints a group chat. In schools, a green bubble is an invitation for mockery and exclusion by children with iPhones, according to Common Sense Media, a nonprofit that focuses on technology’s impact on families.

From Ars Technica:

Apple said it hasn't brought its own message app to non-Apple devices because the user experience wouldn't meet the company's standards and that it cannot ensure that a third-party device's encryption and authentication are secure enough. … Apple said it is not required to adopt different policies or designs for its competitors' benefit, particularly when doing so would degrade the iPhone user experience.

Land of Linkin’

• More coverage of the slaying of 11-year-old Jayden Perkins, who died trying to defend his mother in a domestic violence attack: “A man's second chance is more important than the lives of women and children” by LittleOwl12 on Ovarit: “The judge is responsible but so is Kim Foxx. … It's galling to see a woman in an excellent leadership position squander her power to center men.” Also, NBC News and CNN were among the national news outlets to shine a spotlight on this horrific Chicago story.

• I have mixed feelings about CWBChicago, the secretive website that reports relentlessly about crime, but I must tip my cap to this headline: “Man charged with burglarizing Wrigleyville apartment while on parole for a 2020 burglary he committed while on parole for a 2017 burglary he committed while on parole for a 2016 burglary.”

• “Chicago Tribune launches a new ‘What to Watch’ newsletter” for subscribers featuring the reliable insights of critics Michael Phillips and Nina Metz. I’ve signed up!

• “The Right's Infatuation With Fascist Strongmen Is Nothing New,” by Steve Chapman. “The Republican Party’s descent from Reagan’s principled and eloquent conservatism to Trump’s toxic narcissism and unabashed yearning for unbridled power is, for many, one of the great mysteries of our time. The party that was once fiercely committed to limited government, individual freedom, and the value of democracy at home and abroad no longer honors those ideals. Today, it has become a haven for Putin apologists, anti-Semites, insurrectionists, white supremacists, conspiracy nuts, and theocrats. Since 2016, the party has been engaged in a ceaseless flirtation with fascism.”

• Barack Obama took a victory lap on the 14th anniversary of “Obamacare.” Still waiting for the details of the “big, beautiful alternative” that Trump promised.

• PBS: The plastic industry knowingly pushed recycling myth for decades, new report finds: “The plastics industry pushed recycling as a solution, even though industry officials have known for a long time that it wasn't going to be viable at scale. … They really looked at recycling as a way to kind of fend off regulation, and to keep selling more plastic.”

• Connecticut Public Radio: “A once-enslaved man’s music was hidden for centuries. Go on a journey to rediscover his melodies.” A fascinating story. Sawney Freeman’s melodies sound very much like English country dance music to me.

• USA Today reports that the Tennessee Senate has passed a bill based on the crackpot theory that “chemtrails” from airplanes are part of government experiments to disperse chemicals into the atmosphere.

• Patrick Pfingsten in The Illinoize: “Which Republicans Are Positioning For A Run For Governor?” His top guesses: “Former state Sen. Darren Bailey, former Cook County Republican Chair Aaron Del Mar, former Rep. Jeanne Ives, Congressman Darin LaHood (R-Peoria), Republican National Committeeman Richard Porter.”

• I have recently added to my online archive of written debates on major issues including abortion, guns, school choice and the existence of God.

Squaring up the news

This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:

■ A new global report ranks Chicago second among major U.S. cities for 2023’s worst air pollution, prompting a U.S. EPA scientist with the Chicago region’s Air and Radiation Division to observe, “We have never seen anything like this.”

■ Columnist Noah Berlatsky: “It’s fun to watch Donald Trump turn his pockets inside out and go crawling about on his belly looking for loose nickels.”

■ Columnist and former Sun-Times CEO Edwin Eisendrath shoots down 10 MAGA lies.

■ Notus: A former Democratic operative is testing the limits of what a newsroom in battleground states can be.

■ Ex-U.S. Rep. Adam Kinzinger, now a CNN contributor: “Can any of these prosecutors prosecute?”

■ From “ “I love you” to “asshole”: Politico reports that, “after decades of building a ‘close, personal’ friendship with Benjamin Netanyahu, Joe Biden has had it with the Israeli prime minister. Now he’s hitting him hard—and it may be working.”

■ “A lot of things I’ve kept buried in my notebook have become newly relevant.” Puck’s Theodore Schleifer shares five years of intel on Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s choice for vice president, Nicole Shanahan. (Gift link, courtesy of Square supporters.)

■ CNN’s Oliver Darcy delivers an autopsy of “one of the worst corporate public relations calamities in recent memory”: NBC’s decision to hire—and then dump—Ronna (Romney) McDaniel as a paid contributor. But ex-Baltimore Sun media critic David Zurawik says NBC “might actually have done the nation a favor.”

■ LateNighter columnist Bill Carter: How late-night show hosts ended their wars to become “The Get-Along Gang.”

■ Chicago Magazine: A Northwestern University program offers inmates the chance to earn a degree from the school—even though some will never leave prison. And here’s one prisoner’s essay for award-winning Northwestern professor Alex Kotlowitz: “Cleaning is Something I Can Do.”

■ Journalist and climate tech investor Molly Wood has launched an electric car buying guide.

You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.

Minced Words

Cate Plys, Brandon Pope, Austin Berg and I joined host John Williams for this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” news-chat podcast. Topics included the state’s attorney’s race, the controversy at the City Council over the decision of Ald. Byron Sigcho-Lopez, 25th, to support the effort to keep the Democratic National Convention out of Chicago and whether TV news operations should hire highly partisan pundits. Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.

Quotables

I love the pure, peaceable, and impartial Christianity of Christ: I therefore hate the corrupt, slaveholding, women-whipping, cradle-plundering, partial and hypocritical Christianity of this land. Indeed, I can see no reason, but the most deceitful one, for calling the religion of this land Christianity. I look upon it as the climax of all misnomers, the boldest of all frauds, and the grossest of all libels. — Frederick Douglass

Critics of the ShotSpotter system insist that it is inaccurate and ineffective. Some say it is racist. Cook County State’s Attorney Kim Foxx claimed that ShotSpotter does not contribute significantly to firearms-related prosecutions in the city. Our team reads hundreds of Chicago police reports every week. We can say with certainty that ShotSpotter alerts routinely result in the arrests of armed men—and they’re almost always men—after shots are fired in the city. — CWB Chicago

If you’re disgusted and worried and angry and you still aren’t registered to vote, you’re not disgusted and worried and angry enough yet. Get there. — Unknown

It’s hilarious to see the Republicans who fired Ronna McDaniel act outraged because NBC fired her too. — Mark Jacob

The Internet didn't disappoint . … Turns out that many people who know more about COVID than scientists and doctors, and have a better understanding of elections than judges and scholars, are also experts in maritime navigation and the seismic design and analysis of bridges. — Richard Roeper

MAGAs are labeling DEI as “Didn’t Earn It,” which is wild because, in reality, generating historic wealth through 2 billion acres of stolen land from Native Americans, enslaving black people for 300 years, banning Asian immigration until 1965 and banning women from financial access until 1974, all without paying a single red cent in reparations or restitution, is the living breathing example of not earning it. — Qasim Rashid

How sad it must be, believing that scientists, scholars, historians, economists and journalists have devoted their entire lives to deceiving you, while a reality TV star with decades of fraud and exhaustively documented lying is your only beacon of truth and honesty. — Unknown

I think you’re wrong. Also dumb. — Amy Dickinson, dispensing apt advice to idiotic parents

Straight people: If a restaurant was taking the money they make and giving it to organizations trying to dissolve your marriage and take your kids away from you, you wouldn't give a shit if they “have really good lemonade.” You wouldn't eat there. Don't eat at Chick-fil-A. — @FaithNaff

One benefit to buying a Bible from Trump: You can be absolutely sure it’s never been used. — Mike Bates

Re: Tweets

Tweet Madness ‘24, the bracket tournament to choose the best tweet of the last 12 months, has reached the quarterfinals. Next Thursday will be the Final Four in which I’ll ask voters to rank the remaining contestants.

Vote here on the following matchups:

Doctor: Your parents were in a car accident. Me: How are they? Doctor: They're extremely critical. Me: So they're awake, that's good. — @Browtweaten 

vs.

A week ago my mother-in-law began reading “The Exorcist.” She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil she couldn’t finish it. She took it to the beach and threw it off the pier. I went and bought another copy, ran it under the tap and left it on the bedside table in her room. — @deelomas 

---

Sometimes I have to remind myself to get off the internet, go outside and judge people in person. — @Tbone7219 

vs.

When I was a kid you could go to a store with just a dollar and come home with four comic books, three candy bars, two packs of trading cards, a bag of chips and a cold drink. Now they have cameras everywhere. — Unknown 

---

Once you hit a certain age, life is just a delicate balance of trying to stay awake and trying to fall asleep while slowly getting worse at both. — Unknown 

vs.

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity. — @MumOfTw0 

---

Me: it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up. Cop: That's not how field sobriety tests work. — @HenpeckedHal 

vs.

The main cause of immigration is that we're still a country where people want to go. But we're working on fixing that. — @InternetHippo 

Again, the link to vote is here.

Review the previous rounds here.

Look for the Final Four pairings in this tournament and the simultaneous visual tweets tournament next Thursday, April 4

Usage note: To me, “tweet” has become a generic term for a short post on social media.

For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Tune of the Week

I’ve been opening up Tune of the Week nominations in an effort to bring some newer sounds to the mix. I’ve asked readers to use the comments area for paid subscribers to leave nominations along with YouTube links and at least a few sentences explaining why the nominated song is meaningful or delightful to you. The following nomination of Beyoncé’s new monster country hit is from reader Marianne:

There's a new, toe-tapping tune that's been showing up in my social media feeds. It features Rhiannon Giddens, a Black female banjo maestro who has won a Pulitzer Prize, two Grammy awards and a MacArthur“genius” grant for her eclectic folk music, and the vocal stylings of native Houston pop star Beyonce Knowles-Carter. "Texas Hold 'Em” is the first single by a Black woman to top the country charts. Reading about this foot-stomping ditty, I learned that the banjo has its origins in Africa and was a Black instrument before it became a white one. Beyonce's commitment to exploring all the roots of Black music in America is pretty impressive. And I also just like the song a lot. It has a good beat and you definitely want to (line) dance to it.

Zorn note — “Beyoncé’s country roots” is an episode of Vox’s “Today Explained” podcast that notes, “For over a century, Black artists have been central to country music — and for just as long, their work has been overlooked or under-compensated by the predominantly white country music establishment.”

Consult the complete Tune of the Week archive!

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