Weighing the anchors: Which local TV newscaster is the GOAT?

& correspondence with readers along with some choice visual tweets

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Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.

Nobody’s in Mager’s league, if you ask me

Axios Chicago is conducting an online tournament for readers to choose the all-time best retired Chicago TV news anchor.

We chose (perhaps controversially) to exclude anchors who went on to be national stars. So no Lester Holt, Deborah Norville or Jane Pauley in this mix. Plus: We decided that this list should exclude current anchors. Not that we don't love Allison Rosati and Cheryl Burton, but we feel they have a leg up because people are still watching them. So who's it gonna be? The OGs like Fahey Flynn and Jorie Lueloff? The titans like Carol Marin and Bill Kurtis? Or will everyone just step aside for Skippy (Walter Jacobson)?

Other finalists in the Sweet 16 were Jim Ruddle, Diann Burns, Mark Suppelsa, Ron Magers, Mary Ann Childers, Joel Daly, John Drury, Warner Saunders, Linda Yu, Robin Robinson, and Floyd Kalber.

Here are the first-round results:

Lots of anchoring talent here, but for on-air presence, wit, integrity and grace under breaking-news pressure, I’m going with Magers.

Unforgettable actor on ‘Unforgotten’

Hayley Mills

On the most recent season of the very clever British crime procedural “Unforgotten,” Hayley Mills plays a minor role as Emma Hume, the wife of Lord Tony Hume, one of a group of murder suspects in a cold-case.

In some ways, her acting career has now come full circle. Her breakout role was in British crime movie, “Tiger Bay,” in 1959 when she was 12. She went on to star in Disney’s “Polyanna” (1960), for which she won an Academy Award in the since-retired category of “Juvenile Oscar,” and “The Parent Trap” (1961), in which she sang the hit song “Let’s Get Together” with herself in an early, primitive form of movie magic:

Mills, now 77, was the most popular child star of the early 1960s, and she detailed her struggles with fame in her aptly named 2021 autobiography, poignantly titled “Forever Young.”

Feeling blue

The reporting from ESPN on the sign-stealing allegations against the University of Michigan football program suggests profoundly scandalous misconduct on the part of my alma mater: Connor Stalions, a team “analyst” making $55,000 a year, somehow, reportedly, had the time and money to travel the country buying choice seats to games being played by upcoming UM opponents.

Sources confirmed to ESPN that Stalions purchased tickets on both sides of the stadium — across from each bench — for Ohio State's game with Penn State (last) Saturday. Michigan plays both teams in upcoming weeks. According to sources, the tickets purchased by Stalions were not used Saturday (after the initial allegations against him had surfaced). …

An opposing Big Ten school looked up in-stadium surveillance video from a game earlier this year, and sources said the person in the seat of the ticket purchased by Stalions held his smartphone up and appeared to film the home team's sideline the entire game.

This would certainly appear to violate NCAA Bylaw 11.6.1: "Off-campus, in-person scouting of future opponents (in the same season) is prohibited."

Coach Jim Harbaugh denies any knowledge of Stalions’ apparently verboten activities, but really? Stalions was hopscotching around the Big 10 on his own dime taking videos of sideline activities of future opponents for his own amusement? Sadly, I don’t think so.

Michigan is loaded with talent this year — ranked No. 2 in the country and a decent bet to win the NCAA championship. They do not need to cheat.

I will be deeply disappointed but not surprised if the league or the NCAA strips the team of all its 2023 victories and imposes severe sanctions on Harbaugh, who will richly deserve them. Everyone who knew about the scheme — if proven, of course — should be dismissed and the storied program, which I have followed since I was five years old, can begin the long process of rebuilding.

Notes and comments from readers —lightly edited —- along with my responses

Tom K. — Is this month's Israel-Gaza Crisis the most difficult news topic you've ever had to provide commentary on? If not, what is?

Zorn — That's an excellent question. I would take issue with the words "had to," as certainly most readers don't turn to the Picayune Sentinel for foreign affairs coverage. And my wife, who tried to talk me out of saying anything about the Hamas terror attack on those and other grounds, would take even stronger issue with those words.

Any columnist or editorial writer or electronic or online pundit will tell you that the biggest challenge after a major news event is figuring out something original and useful to say when it seems like everyone is weighing in and very little falls into the "this must be said!" category. Amplifying conventional wisdom isn't exactly in the job description, yet at times it feels callous to avoid at least touching on the story that everyone is talking about and thinking about; it feels like not commenting is suggesting the story lacks importance, which is itself a comment.

I would say 9/11 presented the biggest such challenge for just about all of us in the opinion game. Not much was known in the immediate aftermath, yet there was no other story to talk about for several weeks thereafter.

Natural disasters are also very difficult for columnists (as well as news organizations in general) because there's usually not a lot to say other than "damn, that sucks," and to quote people who have suffered great losses.

Marc M. — The Republican Party needs a mainstream leader that might lose the first traditional vote for House speaker, but who then wins a majority with support from Democrats in safe districts. But this requires Republicans and Democrats who actually want to get back to work and believe that they can survive the voter outrage at being reasonable.

Zorn — So you’re saying it’s impossible? I don’t know who to root for in this speaker clusterevent. I like the idea very much of the Democrats throwing their votes to a moderate Republican — one who isn’t an election denier, say — instead of casting futile, utterly performative votes for Democratic Rep. Hakeem Jeffries.

There is absolutely no chance in hell that the Republican majority will give up the gavel to a Democrat, just as there would be no chance in hell that a Democratic majority would give up the gavel to a Republican. Democrats should deal with that truth and use what leverage they have to elect the least crazy Republican.

David G. —I’m old enough to remember a time when both sides saw abortion as a tragedy.

John N. — I'm old enough to remember a time when both sides saw abortion as a medical decision between a patient and her doctor and was nobody else's goddamn business.

Zorn — I am evidently not old enough to remember either of these times. Abortion has generally always been considered regrettable, even by the staunchest advocates for abortion rights. By definition, no one wants an unintended pregnancy, and my sense is that very few abortion-rights advocates see an abortion as morally or emotionally equivalent to, say, the removal of a benign cyst. But there is a big difference between considering something regrettable and considering it “tragic.”

At the same time, I can’t recall a time when there weren’t strong opponents of abortion rights who considered the fate of even the smallest clump of cells very much their business.

David L. — You posed the question, “What the hell is going on with this country when nearly half of the voting public wants this fact-averse fabulist (Trump) in the White House?”

Permit me to attempt to provide you with an answer to this question from my conservative perspective.

A lot of people are extremely concerned with an estimated 6 million immigrants illegally flowing over our open Southern border since Biden became president after Trump had maintained illegal immigration at a fraction of this with his extremely successful Remain in Mexico policy. No one can even estimate how many sleeper cells of various terrorist organizations may now be established within the US from our open border.

And that's just the biggest issue of concern. Americans are overwhelmingly disapproving of Biden's handling of the economy, and of course the cultural issues such as biological males being allowed in girls locker rooms and bathrooms, and competing against girls in sports. Of course, I know that you and the overwhelming majority of your readers may well disagree with all this, but I'm trying to explain to you why half the country is prepared to vote for Trump even after he gets indicted for alleged criminal activity over and over again.

I'll again register the caveat that I do not like Trump personally, I find many of his personal characteristics despicable and fervently wish the GOP would nominate a different candidate, my favorite being Nikki Haley. But, if the election sadly comes down to a Trump versus Biden rematch, I, like about half the country, will vote for Trump. I don't expect you to agree with that, but that is the reality that exists in our country today that I simply want to help everyone understand since you posed the question.

Zorn — The real question, though, is why so many Republicans go with Trump in the primary season. While you may not be part of a cult, you will ultimately become a cult enabler by pulling the lever for Trump, a man who has no respect for the norms of our republic.

A few other notes. “Open borders.” Come on. That is so lazy and so false. I invited you to read PolitiFact (“Tim Scott is wrong about more illegal immigration under Biden than under Trump and Obama combined”), the BBC (“How Joe Biden and Donald Trump's border policies compare”), the Pew Research Center (“Key facts about U.S. immigration policies and Biden’s proposed changes”) and a somewhat dated but still informative FactCheck.org post (“On the Increase in Illegal Immigration.”)

“Sleeper cells.” Please.

I will hang up and listen to your answer if you can explain why Americans should disapprove of Biden’s handling of the economy or, specifically why you disapprove and what you think Trump or a Republican would be doing that would change things. Yeah, inflation is too high, but it’s high all around the world. Here’s from a CNN Business report:

In January 2021 … unemployment was at 6.3% and the economy had yet to rebound from the shock of Covid-19. …Unemployment has been hovering near its lowest level in a half-century — roughly 3.5% — for the past 18 months. August marked the 32nd consecutive month of job growth. Real wages (meaning adjusted for inflation) are rising. That’s helped everyone feel confident about continuing to spend money, which keeps the US economic engine humming.

As for trans issues, Biden is hardly a radical on that. Here’s from the Washington Post:

Biden’s Education Department proposed a rule in April that would prohibit schools from issuing blanket bans on transgender athletes but also allow them to impose restrictions in individual cases. … Montana state Rep. Zooey Zephyr (D) said Biden’s team, while generally supportive of trans rights, missed the mark on the athlete rule and failed to recognize that compromising with anti-trans activists can embolden them…. Biden’s active but careful approach highlights the broader dilemma he faces as Republicans seize on volatile social issues heading into the 2024 campaign. Biden must energize a progressive Democratic base that polls suggest is lukewarm toward him, while also peeling off centrist and conservative voters who may be skeptical of gender fluidity.

And anyway, this particular culture war skirmish doesn’t impact very many people compared to the wholesale trashing of our democracy by an allegedly felonious would-be dictator.

Alan — Regarding your enthusiasm for the story of Tyson Bagent, the undrafted rookie Bears’ quarterback from a small college who has been thrust into a starting role: Of course you are a progressive rooting for the inferior white quarterback instead of the superior Black quarterback, the injured Justin Fields. Typical progressive. You support Blacks as long as they are your useful idiots.

The great thing about sports, especially these days, is that we’re going to find out sooner or later who is the “superior”quarterback. Passer ratings, won-loss statistics and other measurements will be revealing, and sports fans of all political persuasions and attitudes have shown an ability to root for the best athletes regardless of color or national origin.

I hope Bagent continues to do well. His debut start was promising but not overwhelmingly so. Fields probably has a greater upside given his running ability, and I expect the Bears to get him back in the starting lineup as quickly as they can. But if you’d rather make accusations than enjoy a potential Cinderella story, be my guest.

Jake H. — The idea that self-driving cars will, on average, be safer, is cold comfort. It would be particularly galling to have a loved one, say, who is a very careful driver and has never had an accident, be killed by their robot car's mistake. I can say confidently that a self-driving car for *me* would not represent a safety improvement but a downgrade. I think many millions will probably have the same reasonable view, and not want to hand over the wheel.

Zorn — More or less galling than a loved one killed by an inattentive, drunk or just generally reckless human behind the wheel? The chances of that happening are already far greater, per mile, for conventional vehicles than for self-driving vehicles, and as the technology improves the safety advantages of self-driving cars will only grow.

Skeptic — What happens when a driverless car with one passenger is on a multi-lane highway behind a truck which suddenly stops or has a large part of its load drop off the back? There is not enough time to stop before hitting it. The road is crowded and there are cars on both sides with multiple passengers. A minimize-injury algorithm would have the car choose to hit the road hazard putting risk only to its sole occupant rather than risk hitting more cars.

Zorn — Good question! What should a human driver do in such a situation? What would you want a human driver to do if you were in the car in the adjacent lane?

Charlie R. -- We recently flew home from eastern Canada and, due to weather delays, we had a very tight window in Montreal to get to our connecting flight to Chicago. The attendant announced that there were 10 people with tight connections and asked everyone to let us leave first. As we got in line to leave the plane, there were exactly 10 of us standing. I love Canada.

Zorn — Nice! I’m reminded of this riddle: Q. How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool? A: You shout, “Please get out of the swimming pool!”

Michael G. -- I am surprised by how many people cannot hold two thoughts in their head. One, that the Hamas massacres in Israel were monstrous and evil. Two, that the Palestinians are an oppressed and occupied people subject now to a far-right intransigent government led by a political scoundrel.

When a people are oppressed, colonized, and subject to another people to the extent that they have no hope, in almost all cases the worst elements rise. See Hamas terrorism, the IRA Provos, the Mau Mau in Kenya and numerous other nationalist leaders ... and innocents die on both sides while the oppressors and the terrorists from the oppressed become more extreme and violent.

Zorn — I have learned a lot from reading the email and comments about Israel and Gaza along with checking in with numerous other sources. I hold with my original view — which now seems increasingly common — that Israel needs to be as surgical as possible in its response to the October 7 terrorist attack so as not to risk further inflaming tensions in the region, which are already dangerously high.

Joanie W. -- I really like this publication and the forum it creates for discussion. The mixture of serious topics and not-so-serious topics, music, and fun is just about right. And the tone of the comments is often, although not always, less trolling, hostile, and aggressive than social media generally. There is actually some light in the darkness. I learn things and my ideas are challenged. That said, sometimes news stories, like what’s happening in the Middle East now, can hit very close to a person’s sense of identity. Other news stories and comments have hit very close to my sense of identity. And sometimes comments of others can feel like an assault on who you are. That’s the nature of communicating by text. When that happens to me, I take a break from the Substack publication. But I will come back if there is actually some light in the darkness.

Zorn — Nearly two years in and I remain quite satisfied with the exchanges on the comment threads. Not always polite, true. But compared to most corners of the internet it’s a regular colloquium here. I’m grateful to those who offer their thoughts.

Ya gotta see these tweets!

Here are some funny visual images I've come across recently on social media. I am finding myself in need of nominees, so send them my way!

Enjoy, then evaluate:

Vote for your favorite. I’ll share the winner in Thursday’s main edition.

Note:

This man at the Pence campaign event appears to be longing for the sweet release of death

Usage note: To me, “tweet” has become a generic term for a short post on social media.

There’s still time to vote in the conventional Tweet of the Week poll!

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