Zorn: The perfect wedding poem on a perfect evening

Plus letters from readers and another visual jokes poll

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Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.

Tuesdays at 11:30 a.m. I talk with WGN-AM 720 host John Williams about what’s making news and likely to be grist for the PS mill. The WGN listen-live link is here.

The Neil Gaiman poem read at the altar at my son’s wedding Saturday

 This is everything I have to tell you about love: Nothing.
This is everything I've learned about marriage: Nothing.

Only that the world out there is complicated,
and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,
and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,
is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,
and not to be alone.

It's not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it's what they mean.
Somebody's got your back.
Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn't want to rescue you
or send for the army to rescue them.

It's not two broken halves becoming one.
It's the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home
because home is wherever you are both together.

So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,
like a book without pages or a forest without trees.

Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.
Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.
Because nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours,
and it's a road you can only learn by walking it,
a dance you cannot be taught,
a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.

And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,
not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.
And your hands will meet, 
and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.

And that's all I know about love.

We are thrilled to welcome Cori to the end of the alphabet. She and Ben were married in an apple orchard in Northwest Indiana on an evening we’ll all remember forever!

Notes and comments from readers — lightly edited — along with my responses

Guns on the CTA?

Mark K. — In last week’s meditation on concealed carry, you wrote, “The ghastly execution-style slaying of four people sleeping on a CTA Blue Line train early Monday was such a horrific one-off that it should not figure into the debate about concealed carry on trains."

I had to re-read that paragraph just to make sure it wasn't sarcasm. How many times should something like that happen before it should figure into the debate? Will more people have to be shot in this manner for it to matter?

Zorn — If execution-style slayings committed by licensed carriers of guns were anything like a regular occurrence and if the accused shooter here were himself licensed to carry, this recent tragedy might be relevant.

NBC-5 reported that when the suspect was arrested in February 2021 for unlawful use of a weapon police noted that he had a valid firearm-owners identification card, “but not a concealed carry license.” Since concealed weapons are, well, concealed, I fail to see how the “Zero Eyes” gun-spotting technology will do much to deter crime on transit lines.

The White Sox and their potential date with infamy

Deni — I’m excited everyday to look at baseball scores in the hope that the Sox will soon make history by becoming the losingest team in Major League Baseball’s modern era.

American sports rarely has anything interesting going on at the bottom of the standings as a season winds down. One of the fun things about European football (soccer) is that the system of promotion and relegation means the teams at the bottom of the standings still have something to play for and gives the fans something to watch. In America it is only a rare season like this one that you have any reason to watch or root for teams that are way out of contention. I'm genuinely excited about the prospect of witnessing history.

James McCarthy — I'm predicting that the Sox will go 38-124, making them the worst team by winning percentage in the 20th and 21st centuries. And 124 huzzahs to you for following their ineptitude in the PS all summer. It’s just mind-boggling!

Rick Weiland — So how many games of the No-No White Sox have you attended in person this year? My count is 1.

Zorn — Zero, but we're planning to go later this month to witness a bit of potential history. A record of 38-124 is a winning percentage of .235, a better percentage than .228 (33-112) which is where the Sox stand after Monday night’s loss to Cleveland. To hit 38-124 they need to go 5-12 (.294) in their last 17 games. To avoid setting the single season record of 121 losses, they need to go 9-8. Stranger things have happened

Check Thursday’s main issue for a full update.

Ravinia Festival v. Ravinia Brewing

Eldon Ham —I appreciate your commentary about how a lawsuit filed by the Ravinia Festival got Ravinia Brewing to change its name. Yes, there are lots of local businesses with "Ravinia" in the name who haven’t been sued, as you point out, but my understanding is that this one used the LOOK of the image and so the word Ravinia is confusingly similar to the Festival look. Plus, I read that the parties already had a joint existence agreement and that it was allegedly violated by the brewing company.

Zorn — The legal complaint by the Ravinia Festival does say:

As a good faith show of support for a local business, Ravinia agreed (in 2018) not to object to RBC’s planned use of the name “Ravinia Brewing Company” for its beer brewing operation and related neighborhood business provided that RBC complied with simple guidelines intended to minimize potential consumer confusion as to the lack of any relationship between world renowned Ravinia and RBC’s local restaurant and bar. …

(But) RBC’s owners expanded their restaurant and bar business, still using the name “Ravinia,” far from Highland Park. The owners of RBC formed a new company (RBC Chicago) and proceeded to open a much larger restaurant and bar approximately 20 miles away in Logan Square in Chicago. … Both Defendants are actively sponsoring musical performances under the RAVINIA Mark at their respective Highland Park and Logan Square venues, without any disclaimer in their broadly distributed marketing materials (as RBC had specifically agreed in the 2018 Agreement to provide in connection with activities at its Highland Park location) or other communication making clear to consumers that Defendants are not affiliated with, nor are their musical performances sponsored by, Ravinia. … In addition to sponsoring live music at their venues, Defendants reference Ravinia in their social media marketing to promote sales of their food and other products, including by posting pictures of their beer being consumed at Ravinia Festival Park. Defendants also introduced a music-themed beer, “Key Strokes,” with can art featuring a grand piano on its label using colors associated with the Ravinia Festival, further trading on an implied association with Ravinia.

It strikes me that “customer confusion” is highly unlikely here. But I guess RBC knew when it was licked.

David Leitschuh — I believe you are downplaying Palestinian support for Hamas when you quoted the Times of Israel:

(A) poll, conducted by the Palestinian Center for Policy and Survey Research (PCPSR) between May 26 and June 1, found that overall support for Hamas in the Palestinian territories stood at 40%, a six-point increase from the previous survey three months ago. …Before the war, overall support for Hamas stood at 22%. … In the Gaza Strip, support for Hamas today stands at 38% (34% three months ago)

But The Media Line reports “71% of Palestinians believe the Oct 7th attacks were justified, and 61% approve of the Hamas leader.”

The death of noncombatants is always an unavoidable tragic aspect of war. About a million Germans were killed in the Allied bombing and invasion of Germany in WWII. Was that genocide?

Just as the Allies could not stop the war until the evil Nazi regime was totally defeated and eradicated as a governing power, neither can Israel cease their offensive until Hamas surrenders or is defeated from power in Gaza. Leaving in place a regime openly committed to the genocidal elimination of the state of Israel and that has repeatedly launched attacks in violation of previously agreed upon truces is unavoidably a prescription for future attacks and a continuation of the cycle of violence.

The suffering of the Palestinian people in this war is undeniably an immense tragedy. But Hamas commenced war with Israel, and there is indeed support for Hamas among the Palestinian people. It is simply not accurate to characterize Palestinians as being victims of Hamas when they are much more supporters.

Zorn — I see them as victims, not, in the main collaborators. This paragraph from a Slate article says it well:

Hamas’ absolute rule of Gaza is not what the Palestinians voted for back in 2006. In fact, since the median age of Gazans is 18, half of Hamas’ subjects weren’t even born when the election took place. Since they have known no alternative, have absorbed little information but Hamas propaganda, and have witnessed periodic outbursts of violent conflict with Israel throughout their lives, it is impossible to know what they really think about their rulers.

People who live under dictatorships have a hard time thinking for themselves, as it's not encouraged, to say the least. And then smug Americans come along -- some of whom blindly swallow Trumpian propaganda about, say, Mexico paying for the wall or that a big beautiful alternative to Obamacare is just around the corner — and wonder how they could have so little insight.

Opacity in newspaper subscriptions

Jim — Recently I spoke at length with a Chicago Tribune customer support
representative, overseas of course. Several times he said, "We want to
be transparent." All evidence is to the contrary.

The Tribune has no less than three hidden fees. One can avoid the
ridiculous "paper bill" charge of $6.50 every 13 weeks by supplying an
email address. The "carrier surcharge" applies to those like myself who
receive a printed newspaper, and even the Tribune doesn’t always know
how much it will be in advance. I have no sympathy. Businesses
routinely estimate their costs in advance, and a hidden fee is a hidden fee.

Of course the "premium issues" surcharge is even more absurd than the
paper bill surcharge, and what you wrote is quite correct.

Zorn — If the newspaper wanted to be transparent they would make it easy to see online what you are paying for your current subscription.

On Journalism

Edward Cook — I've never read Don Quixote, but it seems more and more you and your old-media colleagues are simply tilting at windmills.

I get it. You were columnists during an age when writers would sell their soul to be a major newspaper columnist. You reached literally millions. Your views became others' views.

And now it's all gone. 

What pushed me over the edge was the "What Journalism isn't" rant by Mark Jacob.

What's the point? Does he think that resonated with one person under 30? (Not that one person under 30 even read it.) He wrote it for himself. Maybe he missed his own advisory, "Journalism isn't self-promotion."

Zorn — I thought it was a terrific piece, not in the least nostalgic, and I doubt Jacob was aiming it at people under 30 unless they are working journalists. Still, readers of all ages will benefit from the list of reminders. And yes, I’m gloomy about the decline in the number of local newspaper columnists.

Anyone else have this problem?

A reader writes, “I signed up for a Substack subscription with you and was automatically signed up for a half dozen Substacks I did not want. I am old and decrepit so maybe I pushed a wrong button but I don’t think so. I don’t want to support those writers. “

Has anyone experienced this problem? It’s not hard to unsubscribe from a Substack — the option is at the bottom of every newsletter — but it would be a pain in the spam to be signed up for newsletters against your will.

What the well-dressed woman is wearing

Bloomingdale's is selling these Golden Goose athletic shoes — befouled at the factory — for a mere $645. Don’t take the fashion risk of showing up to your next fancy party with clean new shoes!

The week’s best visual jokes

Here are some funny visual images I've come across recently on social media. Enjoy, then evaluate:

The Borat image popped up on my screen when I was walking in my neighborhood the other night, not on social media. But props!

There’s still time to vote in the conventional Quip of the Week poll!

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Contact

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