Zorn: The paradox of concealed carry
We know guns are too dangerous to be allowed in certain places, but why don't those places include our streets and sidewalks?
9-05-2024 (issue No. 157)
This week:
News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked
Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go
Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go
An unsolicited product endorsement for a home plumbing supply device
Mary Schmich — Finding the upside to getting your car towed
What journalism isn’t — A fine new column from Mark Jacob
Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately
In which I bang on again about the Tribune’s “premium issues” — We all need our hobbyhorses to ride, and this one’s mine
Quips — The winning visual jokes and this week’s contest finalists
Good Sports — Get on the Sox train to oblivion!
Tune of the Week — The father of the groom promotes his finest melody
Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.
Last week’s winning quip
I don't usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I've said it, late at night, for the rest of my life. — Unknown
Here are this week’s nominees and the winner of the Tuesday visual-jokes poll. Here is the direct link to the new poll.
It’s fine to tote guns, except where it’s not
Despite our culture’s generally gun-friendly laws, civilians can’t bring guns onto commercial airplanes, or into government buildings, professional and college sporting venues, public schools and playgrounds, businesses that serve alcohol, hospitals, zoos, museums, post offices and casinos, among other venues. The state and federal lists of restricted places goes on and on.
I get it. These are often crowded venues where tempers can run high and certain people may be especially vulnerable to attack. So the ban in Illinois against the concealed carry of firearms on public transportation seemed consistent.
But Friday, U.S. District Judge Iain Johnston of Rockford cited “American tradition” in ruling that restriction violates the Second Amendment, which guarantees the right to keep and bear most arms under most conditions.
Certainly some of those who pack heat on trains and buses do so to protect themselves on their walks to and from the stops; therefore, the ban disproportionately affects those who can’t travel by private car. But those who can’t bring their pistols into Bears games or courthouses and so have to leave their guns at home are at a similar disadvantage.
Behind all such restrictions is the idea that guns — particularly modern semi-automatic guns — are uniquely dangerous instruments, and the Constitution allows infringements on gun rights that reflect that reality, particularly in places where the stakes for misuse of firearms are high, such as airliners.
What distinguishes a crowded public sidewalk from a zoo, say, is difficult to understand. And why it’s fine to tote a gun watching a parade but not while mailing a package feels more than a little arbitrary, as does Judge Johnston’s ruling that trains and buses are categorically different from restaurants that serve booze or wagering establishments, for example.
The ghastly execution-style slaying of four people sleeping on a CTA Blue Line train early Monday was such a horrific one-off that it should not figure into the debate about concealed carry on trains.
The advantages of concealed carry touted by gun enthusiasts — the ability to drop or at least discourage an evildoer in the act of doing evil — aren’t logically limited, given that evil transpires nearly everywhere. But the idea that we’re generally safer in places where the carrying of guns by private citizens is prohibited logically points to keeping streets and sidewalks as theoretically safe as casinos and hospitals and limiting the right to keep and bear arms to the home.
News & Views
News: “Former Miss Teen USA contestant slams JD Vance for bullying” after he posted an old viral video of her giving an addled answer to a question with the caption, “BREAKING: I have gotten ahold of the full Kamala Harris CNN interview.”
View: I’m baffled by the Republican attacks suggesting that Harris is not an intelligent person. First, because it’s a schoolyard taunt. Second, because presidential nominee Donald Trump himself is clearly, spectacularly ignorant. And finally because, no matter what you think of Harris’ policies or her record in office, she is a well-educated woman and that will be apparent to anyone who watches next Tuesday’s debate. Vance, who is also well-educated, ought to know this.
Vance also ought to know that the former pageant contestant was plunged into depression over mockery of her, and an apology to her — which he has refused to offer — would be in order.
News: “Ravinia Brewing agrees to change name in trademark lawsuit settlement with Ravinia Festival.”
View: I call shenanigans on the idea that the music venue has a trademark claim on the name of a community whose history predates it by decades:
In April of 1872, a group of real estate investors and developers met to plat the section of land located south of newly incorporated Highland Park. … They called the community "Ravinia," after the numerous steep-sided ravines that sliced the land.
I detest corporate bullies, even when they’re terrific cultural institutions. And the idea is far-fetched that there would be any more consumer confusion with Ravinia Brewing than there is with these existing businesses:
Ravinia Barber Shop Ravinia Plumbing, Sewer, Heating & Electric Ravinia Books, Antiques, Etc. Ravinia Bridal Ravinia Dental Ravinia Books, Antiques, Etc. Ravinia Custom Closets & Home Storage Solutions Ravinia Tutors Ravinia Coffee Station Ravinia Vogue Cleaners
Then again, maybe I should go to court with this Michigan City brewery:
Land of Linkin’
WBEZ: “GOP-tilted websites showed where Illinois judges live despite a law that protects their privacy.” “The attorney general’s office, in its lawsuit, alleged that (right-wing radio talk show host Dan) Proft’s political action committee provided the information to Local Government Information Services (an organization co-founded by Proft in 2016 that publishes Republican propaganda in the guise of local newspapers). … Proft, of Naples, FL., is chair and treasurer of an Illinois political committee known as People Who Play By The Rules PAC. At that committee’s request, the state election board provided it with 2020 voter roll information, a State Board of Elections spokesman told WBEZ.”
On Sept. 1, the diminutive, fat-shaming Hoosier hothead once again threw a self-pity party regarding his time at the Tribune:
Whenever he takes this tack I repost my link to “The truth about John Kass’ dispute with the Tribune and the Tribune Guild” and reiterate my offer to appear on his podcast to allow him to attempt to refute any of my assertions. He won’t invite me, of course, because everything in that post is totally factual.
“JD Vance: Everything You Didn't Know About His Shitty Past.” A 31-minute video.
Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam) re-recorded his classic 1970 song “Father and Son” in 2020 using his current voice for the role of the father and his voice from 50 years ago for the role of the son. The effect is cool, but the orchestration is disagreeably schmaltzy to my mind. The “Song Exploder” podcast had an excellent interview with Stevens about how and why it was done.
A strong Tribune editorial: “Summer is over, and an autumn reckoning awaits Mayor Brandon Johnson.” “More and more, a mayor who promised voters unprecedented investments in schools and neglected city neighborhoods appears cornered and faced with the reality that’s obvious to most Chicagoans: The money to finance a progressive ‘transformation’ of the city isn’t available.”
In Tuesday’s Picayune Plus, I posted a very good selection of letters from readers about the Amy Jacobson/Dan Proft story related to the mockery of Gus Walz, most of whom disagreed with my take.
Also from the Plus: “Sadly, yes, Bill Clinton is probably a rapist too.”
“Democrat Michael Dukakis led (George H.W.) Bush by 17 points, 55 percent to 38 percent, in a Gallup poll conducted July 21-22” of 1988, but Dukakis lost the presidential election that November by nearly 8 percentage points. Yet Roll Call explains “Why the Dukakis 1988 analogy is baloney.”
Columnist Mary Mitchell retires from the Sun-Times. I’m biased, but I consider local columnists to be the beating heart of newspapers, and I hate to see them going away and not being replaced.
Steve Chapman: “JD Vance keeps proving he's a terrible choice for vice president.” “The first requirement of a running mate should be the capacity to step into the most powerful office in the world on a moment’s notice, as several vice presidents have done. For Vance to be in that position would be like the office intern taking over as CEO.”
Squaring up the news
This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:
■ Popular Information: A murderer whose life sentence was commuted by Donald Trump has been convicted of domestic violence.
■ Columnist and cartoonist Mark Fiore: Trump literally campaigned over soldiers’ dead bodies.
■ Will Bunch at The Philadelphia Inquirer: “The unvarnished scorn for women that comes across yet again in the Arlington fracas has received little attention.”
■ Asked about criticism of the event, Trump running mate JD Vance said Kamala Harris “can go to hell”— even though historian Heather Cox Richardson notes that “Harris [had] not, in fact, commented on the controversy.”
■ USA Today’s Rex Huppke: Vance “is officially the worst vice-presidential candidate pick in all of U.S. history.”
■ Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow updates “the continuing adventures of MAGA-Man and his youthful sidekick, Fertility Lad”—now joined by “the legendary Roadkill Warrior.”
■ A CNN anchor expressed disgust over a misogynistic social media post by Trump: “Makes my stomach feel sick.”
■ Public Notice’s David Lurie says Harris is “cutting off Trump’s political oxygen” by refusing to take the bait from Trump—or the media.
■ Shared to the Chicago Public Square Facebook page Friday: Stephen Robinson’s column, “What’s wrong with the fact-checkers?” Ironically and puzzlingly, Facebook’s “fact-checkers” took it down, with this explanation: “It looks like you tried to get likes, follows, shares or video views in a misleading way. … This goes against our Community Standards on spam.” Meanwhile, Facebook was also suppressing journalist and podcaster Mark Caro’s post linking to his Northwestern University Local News Initiative piece about the value of news organizations’ homepages—in an era during which “X/Twitter, Facebook and Google are directing less traffic to news sites.”
■ Frustrated by paywalls? The free Postlight Reader browser extension may get you in.
You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.
Unsolicited product endorsement
The Drain Weasel is an inexpensive plastic routing tool that snags hair out of slow-running drains. I’ve used it for several years and find it much more effective and quicker than harsh chemicals that attempt to dissolve hair clogs.
The results can be a dismaying and more than a bit gross, as seen in this picture from the product’s website —
— but I swear by this product. It has saved me considerable time and money.
Mary Schmich: The upside of the downside
My former colleague Mary Schmich posts occasional column-like entries on Facebook. Here, reprinted with permission, is a recent offering:
I. Let me start by pleading guilty.
Yes, I left my car parked on my street this morning in front of a sign that warned no parking in that spot after 9 a.m. on Sept. 3, for reasons the sign did not specify.
I’d seen the sign on Sunday when I parked my old Prius there and figured that after I went out on Monday I’d park somewhere else. But I never got in the car on Monday and instead enjoyed the laziness of an unmotorized Labor Day.
By the time Sept. 3—today—rolled around, I’d forgotten I was in the danger zone.
Until shortly after 9 a.m., when my front door buzzer began frantically buzzing. I opened my door and peered down 3 flights of stairs toward a kindly neighbor who was calling, “They’re towing your car!”
I scurried down the stairs—never a good idea—and just as I bounded out of the building, the tow truck turned a corner and disappeared, holding my car hostage.
“I should have stopped them!” my neighbor said. I assured her it was not her fault.
Maybe, she said, they were simply going to “relocate” it on a nearby street, which, to my surprise, tow trucks sometimes do. She offered to drive me around in her car in search of my vanished car.
We drove around. No car of mine.
I called 311. The woman I talked to said, “Are you sure it was a city tow truck? Are you sure it wasn’t stolen?”
“There was definitely a tow truck,” I said. “Which means it wasn’t stolen, right?”
“Oh, there are tow trucks that steal cars,” she said.
------------------------
II. On the street across from the spot where my car had been there sat a giant, grunting, fume-spewing orange crane. Hauling mysterious giant things to the top of one of the street’s giant new residential buildings.
Dirt, explained one of the workers. And plants. And grass. For the new rooftop deck.
He said my car was probably in the auto pound on Lower Wacker Drive.
---------------
III. Have you ever been on Lower Wacker Drive?
It’s a smelly, labyrinthine netherworld below the glitzy downtown streets. It’s where the Blues Brothers did their stunts. But it’s not nearly as fun on a Tuesday afternoon when you are wandering on foot looking for the City of Chicago Auto Pound.
Siri was very, very confused, which meant so was I.
I finally hailed a truck carrying two construction workers. Could they point me to the pound? They started to explain. Then the guy in the passenger seat hopped out and pointed to the driver.
“Get in,” he said. “It’s hard to explain. He’ll drive you. I can walk.”
So I hitched a ride with a chatty construction worker who told me how crazy property values had gotten in his neighborhood of Logan Square. As we drove through the netherworld—past saggy tents, old mattresses, and some unhoused people--I assured him he had earned 1.5 million karma points, which I hope will help him pay his property taxes.
---------------
IV. In front of me in line at the pound were two women trying to retrieve a 2003 Toyota. They’d paid $100 to an Uber driver to get to the pound because apparently they had no other way.
I couldn’t quite follow why their car had been towed—something to do with a license tag and an emissions failure. They thought they’d brought the right paperwork to get the car back.
They slid the paper through the opening to the guy behind the plastic shielding. He slid it back. Sorry, something was missing from that paper. They’d have to come back.
As they stormed out, one of the women cried, “I hate this effin’ city.”
As much as I didn’t like the fact that this escapade was costing me $275—$175 for the towing, $100 for the ticket—at least it won’t break me. I was upset on their behalf.
---------------
V. But I got my car home at 4:30 p.m. Parked it back exactly where it had been at 9:30 a.m. when it was abducted. The No Parking sign was gone. I assume that roof deck is a garden paradise.
---------------
VI. If you were still writing a column at the Tribune, a couple of friends said, at least you could have gotten a column out of this. Precisely. Which is why I’m typing this Facebook post.
And also because it’s always good to remember that many downsides have an upside, in this case a kindly neighbor, a nice construction worker and an unexpected walk downtown on a beautiful September day.
Mary Schmich will be interviewing author Mark Jacob at the Printers Row Lit Fest this Saturday at 4 p.m. on the Plymouth Court Stage at Polk and Plymouth in Chicago’s South Loop.
Jacob, a former Chicago Tribune metro editor and now ace political Substacker, co-wrote “Globetrotter: How Abe Saperstein Shook Up the World of Sports” with Matt Jacob, his brother.
What journalism isn’t
Speaking of Mark Jacob, his recent Substack column “What Journalism Isn’t” was so good I obtained his permission to reprint it here in full:
Journalism isn’t the mere act of turning on the microphones and letting politicians talk.
Journalism isn’t inviting proven liars to come on your TV show and lie to your audience, and then thanking them for it.
Journalism isn’t a process for normalizing a madman.
Journalism isn’t blaming “politics” or “division” instead of blaming the people who play politics and divide us.
Journalism isn’t entertainment.
Journalism isn’t done for the benefit of journalists.
Journalism isn’t listening to a lie by a lifelong liar and pretending to your audience that he might be telling the truth this one time.
Journalism isn’t a game of access that’s won when you avoid asking hard questions and doing follow-ups.
Journalism isn’t thinking the purpose of politics is to create a dramatic competition you can cover, rather than a way to choose leaders who will make people’s lives better.
Journalism isn’t describing plain old racism as something that’s “racially charged” or “racially tinged.”
Journalism isn’t presenting poll numbers as if they’re vote totals.
Journalism isn’t easily distracted.
Journalism isn’t reflexively finding fault with “both sides” as a posture of objectivity.
Journalism isn’t writing passive headlines that suggest a bad thing happened for some mysterious reason, even though the story itself tells you who was responsible.
Journalism isn’t throwing shade on positive news by using lame phrases like “doubts remain” or “the future is uncertain.”
Journalism isn’t helping unnamed sources take anonymous potshots at their enemies.
Journalism isn’t treating crime statistics as less important than the vibes of people in diners.
Journalism isn’t thinking one side’s lies and the other side’s truths constitute a “debate.”
Journalism isn’t self-promotion.
Journalism isn’t pretending dangerous people are not dangerous people because you don’t want those dangerous people coming after you.
Journalism isn’t using a campaign’s talking points as your list of questions when you interview their opponent.
Journalism isn’t ignoring important news because your competitor broke the story.
Journalism isn’t trivial.
Journalism isn’t presenting political criminals as amusing characters.
Journalism isn’t nodding your head during an interview as if you think the newsmaker is saying something reasonable, even though you know it’s batshit crazy.
Journalism isn’t the process of inventing clever euphemisms, such as praising a flip-flopping politician’s “ability to massage her message to the moment.”
Journalism isn’t interested in minimizing fascism.
Journalism isn’t assuming the best from the people who always give us their worst.
Journalism isn’t measured by clicks.
Journalism isn’t measured by ratings.
Journalism isn’t measured by salaries.
Journalism isn’t a task that’s possible if you tolerate lies.
Journalism isn’t easy, but it’s damn important, and more people in the news industry need to start doing it before they wake up one day and realize that journalism has become illegal.
Sign up for Jacob’s “Stop the Presses” newsletter about media and politics.
Minced Words
I was joined on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week by host John Williams, Austin Berg and Marj Halperin. We discussed my son’s upcoming wedding, the court ruling saying that concealed-carrry permit holders should be allowed to carry their guns on the CTA, the funding crisis in Chicago and in the Chicago Public Schools, Stacy Davis Gates’ accusation of “stalking” against Austin, the illegal exposure of home addresses of judges and the latest presidential polls.
Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.
Read the background bios of some regular panelists here.
Quotables
A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately
OK, sweet boy, go now on your journey. I hope it's as good as the trips you dreamed about, because finally, my sweet boy, finally, finally, finally, finally you are free. I will love you and I will miss you every single day for the rest of my life, but you're right here. I know you're right here. I just have to teach myself how to feel you in a different way. — Rachel Goldberg-Polin eulogizing her son Hersh, who was slain by his Hamas captors last week
The essence of Trump’s failure as president — and the fundamental reason he doesn’t merit a second term — is not that he has behaved in childish and vindictive ways or is “weird.” It is that he sacrificed — and continues to sacrifice — the processes and institutions that undergird America to achieve his own selfish aims. He abused the trust we place in a president to preserve and protect the nation’s capacity for self-government. Trump is a traitor. He and the Republican party — now a personality cult based on Trump’s “big lie” — violate everything America stands for. — Robert Reich
This past week, I've watched the lies and the truth just get manipulated, and I'm just sitting back going, “When my time comes, yeah, oh, am I gonna speak.” — Amy Jacobson on WIND-AM 560
You’re talking about a system that has 145 rail stations, 1,500 rail cars, 1,800 buses, covers almost 240 miles of track, and over 1,500 miles of bus routes, over 10,000 bus stops. — Chicago Transit Authority President Dorval Carter about the difficulty of providing security on the transit network
The reason the Democratic Party is so soft on criminals is that criminals vote overwhelmingly Democrat. They don’t want to offend their customers! Democrat party is literally the party of criminals. — Elon Musk
In recent days, the Republican candidate for president has falsely claimed public schools perform sex change operations, that doctors execute babies and that he has every right to interfere with elections. Where are the corresponding stories about his fitness for office? — Former ABC News reporter Chris Bury
I don't write about the Israeli-Palestinian mess much because nothing ever changes. I could pluck a column from 2004 or 2014 and post it and it would be just as current and just as futile as what I'll be writing today. — Neil Steinberg
You take a look at bacon and some of these products, and some people don’t eat bacon anymore. And we are going to get the energy prices down. When we get energy down, you know, this was caused by their horrible energy — wind, they want wind all over the place — but when it doesn’t blow we have a little problem. — Donald Trump
The transgender thing is incredible. Think of it. Your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation. The school decides what’s going to happen with your child. And you know many of these childs, 15 years later, say “What the hell happened? Who did this to me?” — Donald Trump
I'll give you one example. …My little brother, when we were younger, we would go on family trips in a station wagon. And the thing was, nobody wanted to sit with him because he had car sickness and would always throw up on us, that sort of thing. There’s really nothing else. — Jeff Walz, Republican brother of Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Walz, commenting on his Facebook boast that alluded to “the stories I could tell”
Tribune Sunday home delivery subscribers, did you enjoy this month’s $14 “premium issue”?
Buried in the fine print of your subscription agreement is this passage:
Your subscriptions may include up to fifteen premium issues per year. For each premium issue, your account balance will be charged an additional fee of up to $13.99 in the billing period when the section is published. This will result in shortening the length of your billing period.
These “premium issues” are not labeled as such, and usually look like just another insert in the paper. I had to call customer service to be sure this was one of them, in fact.
The number of them per year has risen from “up to 12” to “up to 15,” and the price per “premium issue” has shot from $8 to $14 just since 2022.
Some of you would be willing to pay $14 for a pro-football preview magazine. But most of you, I suspect, would not. Fortunately — and not mentioned in the fine print — you can call customer service at 312-546-7900, work your way through the phone tree and ask to opt out of paying for the “premium issues,” though you will still receive them.
You will save up to nearly $210 a year. That’s more than enough for four gift subscriptions to the Picayune Sentinel, where every issue is of premium quality.
I’m just saying.
The catch is that you have to call at least every six months or the charges will resume. Why can’t subscribers opt out permanently? I’d like to know, but Tribune publisher Par Ridder won’t answer my emails. Maybe he will answer yours!
Quips
In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor. Subscribers vote for their favorite, and I post the winner here every Thursday:
The new nominees for Quip of the Week:
Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad I walked out of my own house. — @GraniteDhuine
I asked my Grandma which walker she preferred to use. She said Johnnie. — @Dadsaysjokes
Willy Wonka: I’m thinking about succession planning. I can’t run this factory forever. Lawyer: Good! What do you have in mind? Willy Wonka: A sweepstakes. We’ll bring in five random children and absolutely traumatize the unworthy. Lawyer: I have concerns — @JonBaker
Stages of beard length: 1) sexy stubble 2) sea captain 3. prisoner of war 4. homeless person 5) wizard. — @flinnie
Happy return of “Yes, of course it’s bedtime. See how dark it is outside?” to all parents who celebrate. — @realgirl_fieri
I hate it when people write tweets with the algorithm in mind. Everyone’s trying to Taylor their content to what’s popular. I’m Swift ly losing patience with this. — @MartinPilgrim1
The 19-year-olds who attend my favorite university didn’t score enough touchdowns today so I’m blacked out, face down in the driveway. My wife is crying, begging me to come inside and sing “Happy Birthday” to my son. “Please just reverse the Rav4” I whisper into the concrete. — @atdanwhite
My 6-year-old has recently discovered the concept of “opposite day,” and in keeping with the theme, let me just say I love it. It's a lot of fun. — @HenpeckedHal
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to think of reasonable sounding ways to blame other people for things I could totally change but consistently don’t. — @aliterative
Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year, and yet some still deny climate change. — @BobGolen
Vote here and check the current results in the poll.
For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.
Why the new name for this feature? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.”
Good Sports
The No-No Sox
Local sports media has begun paying a lot of attention to the 2024 White Sox race to the bottom. Sun-Times columnist Rick Telander urged Sox fans Monday to lean into the pathos:
Come to Guaranteed Rate Field and witness history in the offing. … Get some of this. Remember it. Bring the kids. They’ll talk about it forever.
You don’t have to cheer for the losing, but you need to respect it, hope for it, be happy when it rears its little head above the fray.
Because what good is winning?
Right. But baseball is unpredictable. Wednesday night, the team with the best record in the American League, the Baltimore Orioles, lost 8-1 to the team with one of the worst records of all time, the White Sox. And now, if the Sox get a little bit hot and go 10-11 over the last 21 games, they’ll avoid setting the record for most losses in the era of the 162-game season, and it’ll have been just another dismal summer on the South Side. Yawn.
Tribune sports columnist Paul Sullivan is grooving on the losing as well:
The only real solution for the Sox at this point is to admit things are at an all-time low and market the team thusly.
A “Countdown to 120” T-shirt giveaway would be a surefire hit, while a “Sell the Team” day would be a perfect way to promote freedom of speech while ensuring a nice crowd at Guaranteed Rate Field. …
The only reason left to watch the Sox down the stretch is to see if they can make history.
I would like a huzzah! for having followed this story since April 18 when I first jumped on the worst-season-ever bandwagon.
Anyway, here is my weekly comparison standings of the 2024 White Sox with the 2003 Detroit Tigers and the 1962 New York Mets, teams that have defined futility for more than 80 years. Included in the comparison is the 1916 Philadelphia Athletics, the worst team in baseball’s modern era (20th century on).
After 141 games:
Sunday, the 2024 Sox surpassed the 1970 Sox as the worst White Sox team in the era of the 162-game season. That team went 56-106 for a .346 winning percentage.
The previous worst White Sox team ever was the 1932 club, which went 49-102 for a winning percentage of .325. To beat that in a 162-game season, the Sox would have to win every remaining game to finish 53-109.
About the 1916 Philadelphia A’s: That team played a 153-game season and finished 36-117. Out to another decimal place, that’s a winning percentage of .2353. If the Sox finish with a record of 38-124, that will be a winning percentage of .2346. So the magic number of victories needed for the Sox to end up with 39 wins and a better winning percentage than the 1916 A’s is now 7.
And, as I will continue to point out, the 1962 Mets played only 160 games due to two rainouts that were not made up. Odds are they would have lost at least one of those games, boosting their total losses for the season to 121 or 122. For the Sox to claim the record number of losses in a season without an asterisk they’ll need to lose at least 123 games playing a full schedule. That will require at 14 or more losses in the last 21 games of the season, meaning they have to play better than .333 ball to at least earn that asterisk.
Coming up: Three games against the Red Sox, currently a .500 team, then three games against the division-leading Guardians, currently a .571 team.
A few other data points gleaned from the sports sections:
In losing to the Mets on Sunday ,the Sox finished the first 0-10 homestand in team history and became the first team in 59 years to have three losing streaks of 10 or more games in a single season.
Sox pitcher Chris Flexen set a major league record Monday when he failed to earn a victory in his 20th straight start.
Monday also marked the 52nd time the Sox lost a game after having taken the lead and the 42nd time they’d lost after scoring first. They have also lost 21 times while leading after the sixth inning.
Tune of the Week
I’ve been opening up Tune of the Week nominations in an effort to bring some newer sounds to the mix. I’m asking readers to use the comments area for paid subscribers or to email me to leave nominations (post-2000 releases, please!) along with YouTube links and at least a few sentences explaining why the nominated song is meaningful or delightful to you. But this week I’m reclaiming my time for a special ToTW.
My son Ben is getting married this weekend to Cori Bills, a woman he met at Davis & Elkins College in West Virginia. Ben was at D&E on a scholarship to play old time music in the school’s Appalachian Ensemble. He inherited from me a passion for old time — acoustic roots music heavy on the fiddle and banjo — and has lately branched into bluegrass, which is old time’s fancier young sibling.
Old time is frequently associated with up-tempo square dance music, and Ben is a member of my dance band, the Ladies’ Banjo Society of Illinois. But some of the tunes in the genre are slow and sweet, such as “Driftlesss Dream,” Ben’s original composition:
The melody “popped into my head after a weekend on the Turkey River in Elkader, Iowa,” he wrote after posting this last year.
His older brother, Alex, his twin sister, Annie, his uncle Erik and I will form the ad hoc band playing the first waltz at Ben and Cori’s wedding. Our dream for them, driftless and otherwise, is for a long, happy life together.
Ben has an impressive archive of fiddle tunes at his YouTube channel, and at music festivals I often run into people who recognize me as his accompanist in many of them.
The Picayune Sentinel is a reader-supported publication. Browse and search back issues here. Simply subscribe to receive new posts each Thursday. To support my work, receive bonus issues on Tuesdays and join the zesty commenting community, become a paid subscriber. Thanks for reading
Contact
You can email me here:
I read all the messages that come in, but I do most of my interacting with readers in the comments section beneath each issue.
Some of those letters I reprint and respond to in the Z-mail section of Tuesday’s Picayune Plus, which is delivered to paid subscribers and available to all readers later Tuesday. Check there for responses.
If you don’t want me to use the full name on your email or your comments, let me know how you’d like to be identified.
If you’re having troubles with Substack — delivery, billing and so forth — I’m happy to help.
When it comes to conceal and carry, I don't want to think about the mayhem that would result if a good guy and bad guy go at it on a crowded CTA bus or El train.
The White Sox record is so bad they've already been eliminated from playoff contention in the 2025 and 2026 seasons too.