Zorn: Inspiration and exhortations as democracy itself races toward the cliff

If you think Halloween night is scary, what about next Tuesday night?

10-31-2024 (issue No. 165)

This week:

• Last week’s winning quip

• Mayor Brandon Johnson blows an easy one

• Don’t vote often, but do vote early

• Under Trump, the U.S. lost tens to hundreds of thousands more lives per capita than similar nations

• News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked

• Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go

• Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go

• My boffo lineup of guests for Thursday’s radio guest-hosting stint

• Mary Schmich — How 19th Century British novel by Anthony Trollope predicted Donald Trump

• Cheer Chat — An update on preparations for “Songs of Good Cheer”

• What’s on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week

• My regrettable Trump column from 2020

• Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

• Quips — The winning visual jokes and this week’s contest finalists

• Good Sports — A proposed rule change for football and more

• Tune of the Week — “Goo Goo Muck” nominated by Ted B.

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.

Views you can use

This week’s “Quotables” section is longer than usual, and it contains passages (with sources) aimed at reminding you how important it is to keep Donald Trump out of the White House and giving you material to inspire others in your circle of family and friends to vote by next Tuesday.

I’m not hoping to change any minds. I doubt there are more than a relative handful of voters who have yet to decide which candidate they think will be best for the future of the nation. Trumpers are going to Trump, and the best hope for those of us who want to consign him to history’s garbage can is to motivate those who may agree with us but don’t share our sense of urgency to get out and cast a ballot.

Last week’s winning quip

Always answer the door wearing a coat. If you’re pleased to see them, tell them you’ve just got home. If you don’t want them in, say you were just on your way out. — unknown

Here are this week’s nominees and the winner of the Tuesday visual-jokes poll. Here is the direct link to the new poll.

Brandon Johnson missed the bunny!

SportsDefinitions.com tells us:

In basketball, a “bunny” refers to an easy shot, typically a layup or a shot taken very close to the basket, that a player misses. … The origin of the term is not entirely clear, but it’s widely used among players and commentators. A “bunny” is a frustrating moment for players and fans alike, as it represents a squandered opportunity to score an easy basket.

Mayor Brandon Johnson blew a metaphorical layup Friday when reporters asked him if he planned to return a $150,000 campaign donation from an organization managed by Chicago-based drill rapper Lil Durk (Durk Banks). He’d been arrested the day before in Florida on charges that he orchestrated a 2022 murder-for-hire plot against a rival rapper that resulted in the death of a family member of Durk’s rival.

The proper political and moral answer would have been:

These are certainly very troubling allegations. And while Mr. Banks is entitled to the presumption of innocence in court, I’m directing that his contribution be redirected to local anti-violence organizations.

Here’s what the mayor said, however:

I don’t know all the circumstances and details around these accusations. … ( Lil Durk) has not been convicted of anything. ... You are asking me if I should make a judgment on a Black man before a full trial has actually come to fruition, I hope you do understand why it is not my position to determine the outcome of someone’s life. … I don’t operate in feelings. I operate in truth and justice.

Johnson described Durk as a “a young Black man who grew up in severe trauma that led to life choices (who is now) committed to finding his righteous path, seeking out truth and justice through his faith.”

It’s unclear what “righteous path” Lil Durk was on given that he was arrested attempting to board a private jet bound for Italy.

It was not a time to shrug off serious criminal charges and to once again play the race card, yet here we have yet another example of Johnson either getting bad advice, ignoring good advice or perhaps simply clumsily winging it.

As one who does “operate in feelings” from time to time, I am feeling Johnson isn’t up to this job.

A Sun Times editorial ripped the mayor for not returning or redirecting the money, calling his response “double-talk and side-stepping” that “does a disservice to other young Black men who grew up in similar difficult circumstances yet never got caught up in a murder-for-hire scheme.”

A Tribune editorial noted that “returning a campaign contribution from an accused murderer isn’t the same as concluding he is guilty.”

Gang battles and retaliation are the source of an overwhelming percentage of the gun violence that plagues Johnson’s city, causes the trauma Johnson references frequently (including in his defense of Banks) to justify his policies, and gives Chicago the national reputation of being a crime-riddled city. Johnson is Chicago’s leader. Anything that could be construed as a tacit defense of such behavior hurts the very people Johnson has sworn to protect.… Ordering and bankrolling the murder of someone, as Banks is alleged to have done, isn’t just a bad “choice.”

Also on the Mayor Johnson watch:

• Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson’s communications director is leaving amid latest staff shake-up

• New Chicago education board president (just appointed by Johnson) has a history of antisemitic, pro-Hamas Facebook posts

• Johnson pitches $300 million property tax increase — the largest in a decade — to help close a massive budget gap. The proposal, offered Wednesday, “marks a major flip-flop on his cornerstone campaign promise to not raise property taxes on Chicago homeowners … (who) will see an estimated 4% increase in the city portion of their property bills.”

• Chicago’s deputy mayor of education is stepping away to focus on health and family

• Johnson's campaign promise to hire 200 more detectives has not materialized

• City Council members implore state lawmakers to limit mayoral authority in wake of CPS shakeup

If at all possible, vote early

I went to an early voting site last week to do my civic duty and, after my voting application was approved, was second in line to exercise my franchise. I waited and waited. All the carrels were full, and for about 10 minutes, no one moved.

I wasn’t in a particular hurry, but I grumpily wondered what was taking these people so long. But when my turn came, I realized: It’s a long ballot! Lines on Election Day itself may prove dauntingly long.

So I’m urging everyone — even those whose votes will cancel out mine — to vote early. Here are the sites in Chicago.

Seems like this ought to have played a bigger role in the Harris campaign

Barack Obama speaking at a Kamala Harris rally in Michigan last week:

Now, I want to be really fair and accurate on this, all right? No matter who was president, COVID was going to be a crisis. No matter who was president, people were going to die and get sick, and there were going to be businesses that shut down for a while and travel restrictions, because this is something that hadn’t happened for 100 years. But if you look at right across the border in Canada, their per-capita death rate from COVID was 60% lower than here in the U.S.

Now, I want you to do the math. Over a million people died during the pandemic here in the U.S. Sixty percent is 600,000 people. That’s people’s grandparents, people’s parents, coworkers, friends. Some of those folks might be alive if we have a competent president who actually is paying attention and doing their homework, and actually trying to make things better, as opposed to telling people, “Go ahead and inject bleach. That might work.”

Do not tell me that your vote doesn’t matter.

Republicans have rent their garments over the tragic loss of 13 U.S. service members during the Biden administration’s botched August 2021 withdrawal from Afghanistan. But the Harris campaign has hardly said anything in return about the hundreds of thousands of additional lives lost in American because of the Trump administration’s botched handling of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Time reported a harder estimate of 646,970 lives:

No country is more similar to the U.S. than Canada, whose economy and culture are closely intertwined with our own. Yet faced with a life-threatening pandemic of historic proportions, Canada showed far greater success in protecting the lives of its people than the U.S. How are we to understand Canada’s superior performance and the disastrous performance of our own country, which has the highest per capita death rate (3023 per one million, compared to Canada’s 1071) of any wealthy democratic country?

In Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated in March 2020, “I’m going to make sure that we continue to follow all the recommendations of public health officers particularly around stay-at-home whenever possible and self-isolation and social distancing”. This message was reinforced by Dr. Teresa Tam, Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer, who in March delivered a message urging solidarity, declaring “We need to act now, and act together.”

In the U.S., President Trump in striking contrast declared that he would not be wearing a mask, saying “I don’t think I will be doing it … I just don’t see it”. And instead of reinforcing the messages of Dr. Anthony Fauci and other leading public health officials, Trump actively undermined them, declaring in reference to stay-at-home orders in some states, “I think elements of what they’ve done are just too tough.”

Not all of these additional fatalities are Trump’s fault, of course. Time notes that “Americans are less healthy than Canadians. Lacking a system of universal healthcare and plagued by unusually high levels of class and racial inequality” and that there are “deep cultural differences between the two countries.”

But the extra deaths on Trump’s watch certainly number more than 13.

News & Views

News: As ads bombard voters in Chicago School Board race, a growing call for campaign contribution limits

View: Unlike others, I love saying “I told you so.” School board elections in Chicago were bound to attract heaps of cash from interest groups around the country.

WBEZ/Sun-Times reports:

Organizations and several state lawmakers allied with the Chicago Teachers Union are calling for limits on campaign spending, as big money — some from billionaires — is being used to inundate voters with texts and fliers about the city’s first-ever school board elections.

The elected officials said Monday that they plan to work on campaign finance legislation in Springfield. … Progressive activists are pushing three measures in Springfield. Those include a limit on contributions from people outside the state. They want the top five contributors to any super PAC disclosed on campaign advertisements. And they want some sort of public financing for political campaigns.

Good luck with that. When PACs and super PACs get involved, there’s no way to rein in the advocacy spending of school choice advocates or backers of teachers unions.

The idea of an elected school board in Chicago, which these same progressives championed, now looks like it will prompt hugely expensive proxy fights just as I predicted in March 2021. And who knows who’ll win those fights or what a board elected on the strength of outside benefactors will end up doing?

It’s not a great option, but I’d rather leave the mayor in charge of the schools and then hold him or her accountable at election time.

News: Donald Trump repeatedly refers to gay CNN anchor Anderson Cooper as “Allison Cooper.”

View: Any LGBTQ+ person or LBGTQ+ ally who isn’t all in for Vice President Kamala Harris — the only person who can stop this bully from retaking the White House — must have profound self-esteem issues. He has repeatedly exhibited his contempt for LGBTQ+ people, and the judges he appoints will be terrible on gay rights.

News: ‘Dixie,’ the anthem of the Confederacy, was played twice at Donald Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally.

View: This ain’t a dog whistle. It’s a claxon call.

In 1861, a band played “Dixie” at the inauguration of Confederate President Jefferson Davis and launched the song as the unofficial national anthem of the seceding states. It became and remains the Confederate battle flag of song. President Abraham Lincoln himself loved the song but couldn’t reclaim it once it had been played so proudly by those who went to war to preserve the institution of slavery, and we can’t rehabilitate it today given its longtime embrace by those who fought to deny basic rights and dignity to Black people. Old times in the South are not forgotten. But what “Dixie” stood for shouldn’t be forgotten either.

News: In an apparent slip of the tongue, President Joe Biden called Trump supporters “garbage,” prompting an explosion of piteous umbrage from Republicans.

View: Grandpa Joe has always been a gaffe machine, and his babbled-out comment only underscores why it’s so, so, so good that he’s not running for reelection and why his handlers need to keep him away from microphones and reporters for the next six days.

Biden felt the need to weigh in on a “joke” told by comedian Tony Hinchcliffe at Saturday night’s Trump rally at Madison Square Garden in New York City in which he referred to Puerto Rico as a “floating island of garbage.”

Just the other day, a speaker at his rally called Puerto Rico “a floating island of garbage.” Well, let me tell you something … I don’t— I — I —don’t know the Puerto Rican that I know — or Puerto Rico where I’m — in my home state of Delaware, they’re good, decent, honorable people. The only garbage I see floating out there is his supporters. His— his demonization of Latinos is unconscionable and it’s un-American.

A White House transcript added an apostrophe, making supporters into supporter’s, as though Biden were referring specifically to the vile Hinchcliffe, and that the pronoun “his” refers to Hinchcliffe.

And … maybe? Listen for yourself. Taking Biden at his word, it was a particularly inarticulate, garbled, confusing way of saying, “The only garbage I see floating out there is the garbage that his supporter spewed from the stage Saturday night.”

Opportunistic Republicans collapsed in a heap of self-pitying umbrage — as they did when Hillary Clinton said some of Trump’s supporters were deplorable people in 2016 — as though Trump himself doesn’t unambiguously say far worse things nearly every day. He calls Harris “retarded” and “lazy” and a “shit vice president,” and calls his critics “terrible people” who are this nation’s “enemies from within.”

“Calm down, MAGA, it's called the ‘Biden weave.’ quipped Alex Cole on Twitter. “It's genius, so ‘F*ck your feelings.’"

Further, much of what Trump says and what his supporters believe and endorse is in fact, malodorous, cruel, rotting un-American garbage. But I’ll reserve such descriptive terminology for ideas and actions, not people. And I’ll hope that voters take out that trash on Tuesday.

News: Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson vows “No Obamacare” if Trump is elected.

View: This declaration of purpose ought to be way bigger news than a slip of the tongue by a man who’s not even running for president anymore. Republicans are vowing again to get rid of Obamacare but, again have offered no replacement plan or even the “concept of a plan” that Trump promised. Will existing conditions be covered? Will price discrimination still be curtailed? What will happen to the estimated 45 million Americans covered by the Affordable Care Act? Do these ghouls even care?

Land of Linkin’

• HBO’s John Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight” team created a proposed alternative to Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA." as a song to play at U.S. naturalization ceremonies. The music video features Will Ferrell: "Student debt and CTE. The war on drugs and Scientology. Boeing Airlines and Ted-fucking-Cruz. They're all American! Now, so are you. Television and fossil fuels. Metal detectors in all our schools Private prisons and Mountain Dew. That stuff's American. Now they're your problem too."

• Axios Chicago’s bracket tournament to pick the worst name-change in Chicago history is wrapping up. The Final Four were: Sears Tower to Willis Tower vs. Comiskey Park to Guaranteed Rate Field and the John Hancock Center’s demotion to 875 N. Michigan Ave vs. Marshall Fields to Macy’s. Thursday’s final will pit Sears/Willis against Fields/Macy’s. My money is on S/W, but I contend that changing the names of Lake Shore Drive and Waveland Golf Course belonged in the tournament, and I’d be interested in your nominations. Shoot me an email!

• Why is the Tribune not endorsing a presidential candidate this cycle? There’s a good explanation, and I offer it here. But the Tribune itself, which still has a larger circulation than the Picayune Sentinel despite my best efforts, ought to be reminding confused readers about that reason before they begin cancelling their subscriptions in the same huff that has caused a reported 250,000 subscribers to drop The Washington Post this week.

• Donald Trump is attempting to exploit confusion over non-endorsements: “The Washington Post and Los Angeles Times, and all these papers, they’re not endorsing anybody. You know what they’re really saying — because they only endorse Democrats — they’re saying this Democrat’s no good. They’re no good. And they think I’m doing a great job. They just don’t want to say it.”

Squaring up the news

This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:

■ “What will you do?” American Prospect columnist Rick Perlstein confronts “the life-changing choices we may be forced to make” if convicted felon Donald Trump defeats Vice President Kamala Harris for the presidency.

■ “Some people dread this early darkness.” But veteran Chicago TV journalist Matt Rodewald celebrates “the unexpected beauty” of post-daylight-saving-time in Illinois.”

■ Not so fast. You might wanna hold off a bit on upgrading to the latest AI-infused iPhone software, which has been linked to a rash of complaints about diminished battery life.

■ “I think more than most people about how brittle Butterfingers are.” Tedium’s Ernie Smith shares what he knows—including the product’s connection to candy corn.

■ Podnews puts the lie to a podcast series’ claim of impressively high downloads—many of which were never heard.

■ ProPublica: “A Texas woman died after the hospital said it would be a ‘crime’ to intervene in her miscarriage.”

■ Borderless: How Harris’ and Trump’s starkly different environmental policies would affect Chicago and Illinois.

■ Public Notice’s Lisa Needham, reacting to disclosure that Trump’s promised “control of the public health agencies” to Robert F. Kennedy Jr.: “It’d be comical if it wasn’t horrifying.”

■ Popular Information’s Judd Legum calls a commercial attacking Harris—funded by Elon Musk’s political action committee—“the most misogynistic ad in the history of politics.”

■ In a rally that unmistakably echoed a 1939 Nazi fest at Madison Square Garden, Trump gathered his faithful there for what his campaign portrayed as his “closing argument” to the voters and the Daily Beast called “political suicide.”

■ Historian Heather Cox Richardson perceived an ominous message in Trump’s allusion to “our little secret”—possibly a plan to pull out victory in the House even if he dramatically loses the popular vote.

■ Steven Greenhouse at Slate: “If Trump wins, blame the billionaires”—including one from Illinois.

■ In case you thought Illinois votes wouldn’t count much next week, the Tribune spotlights a state congressional race that could determine control of the U.S. House.

■ Press Watch proprietor Dan Froomkin issues an open letter to TV network news anchors Lester Holt, David Muir and Norah O’Donnell: “Time for a ‘Cronkite moment.”

■ Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow tours the Trump-haunted MAGA House of Horror: “That’s right! I’m completely unhiiiinged! I admire Adolf Hiiiiitler! Did I ever tell you about Arnold Palmer’s peeeenis?”

■ Pulitzer-winning columnist Mary Schmich channels Trump in verse.

■ Columnist Neil Steinberg continues to grapple publicly with his new diagnosis of diabetes: “Suddenly a turkey club on wheat toast is as forbidden as a shot of Jack Daniels.”

■ A Chicago suburb’s home to a new Chicago-area location for what’s billed as the world’s first indoor “waterless slide park” chain.

You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.

Listen up!

I’m guest-hosting for WCPT-AM 820 host Joan Esposito Thursday afternoon from 2-5 p.m. Here is my guest lineup:

• 2:30 p.m. Michael Tackett, author of “The Price of Power,” a biography of Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky

• 3 p.m. Forrest Claypool, author of “The Daley Show: Inside the Transformative Reign of Chicago's Richard M. Daley,” an autobiographical history of much of the last 30 years in local politics.

• 3:30 p.m.John Greenfield, editor of Streetsblog Chicago. We will talk speed limits and other transportation issues.

• 4 p.m. Kim Lane Scheppele, a professor of sociology and international affairs at Princeton University. She will tell me why the story of Hungary ought to be top of mind these days.

• 4:30 p.m. Gregory Royal Pratt, Tribune investigative reporter and author of “The City Is Up for Grabs: How Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot Led and Lost a City in Crisis.”

Mary Schmich: A 19th Century Donald Trump

My former colleague Mary Schmich posts occasional column-like entries on Facebook. Here, reprinted with permission, is a recent offering:

A couple of years ago I read a fat 19th Century British novel by Anthony Trollope called “The Way We Live Now.”

One main character is Augustus Melmotte, a rich, braggadocious financier who runs for Parliament. Halfway through the book, I started thinking, “Wait. Am I the only person who thinks Augustus Melmotte is Donald Trump?”

I Googled around and discovered that finer literary minds than mine had drawn the same comparison. Here are 3 passages from the book. Eerie.

—He wished the electors to understand that nothing which had been said against him made him ashamed to meet them here or elsewhere. He was proud of his position, and proud that the electors of Westminster should recognize it.

He did not, he was glad to say, know much of the law, but he was told that the law would protect him from such aspersions as had been unfairly thrown upon him. He flattered himself that he was too good an Englishman to regard the ordinary political attacks to which candidates were, as a matter of course, subject at elections;—and he could stretch his back to bear perhaps a little more than these, particularly as he looked forward to a triumphant return.

—Of course he had committed forgery;—of course he had committed robbery. That, indeed, was nothing, for he had been cheating and forging and stealing all his life. Of course he was in danger of almost immediate detection and punishment. He hardly hoped that the evil day would be very much longer protracted, and yet he enjoyed his triumph. Whatever they might do, quick as they might be, they could hardly prevent his taking his seat in the House of Commons. Then if they sent him to penal servitude for life, they would have to say that they had so treated the member for Westminster!

— There was one man who thoroughly believed that the thing at the present moment most essentially necessary to England’s glory was the return of Mr. Melmotte for Westminster. This man was undoubtedly a very ignorant man. He knew nothing of any one political question which had vexed England for the last half century,—nothing whatever of the political history which had made England what it was at the beginning of that half century … He had probably never read a book in his life. He knew nothing of the working of parliament, nothing of nationality,—had no preference whatever for one form of government over another, never having given his mind a moment’s trouble on the subject. He had not even reflected how a despotic monarch or a federal republic might affect himself, and possibly did not comprehend the meaning of those terms. But yet he was fully confident that England did demand and ought to demand that Mr. Melmotte should be returned for Westminster. This man was Mr. Melmotte himself.

Cheer Chat

An update on preparations for the 26th annual Songs of Good Cheer winter holiday sing-along programs at the Old Town School of Folk Music

We’re working up the Huddie Ledbetter song “Christmas is Coming” to open this year’s show. Here’s a snippet of rehearsal video from Sunday afternoon:

Meanwhile, we are seeking a translation of the phrase “Pana libio malibio san," which occurs many times in an Afro-Peruvian Christmas song we’re working up. We don’t know the language, and Google Translate has been no help. Anyone know a good linguist who could help?

Join us! Shows are Dec. 12-15, and tickets are now on sale online and at the Old Town School of Folk Music.

Cate Plys, Marj Halperin, Brandon Pope, John Williams, Eric Zorn

Minced Words

A split on the panel when we predict who will win the presidential election highlights this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” podcast. We also talk about several local issues, including the proposed property tax hike in Chicago and the real reason the Tribune is not endorsing in the presidential race (a 2022 decree from the paper’s hedge-fund overlords). Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.

Read the background bios of some regular panelists here.

Regrettables: Laughing off the possibility of an insurrection

I published a column on Nov. 12, 2020, that did not age well, particularly the second to last paragraph, which was probably the most obtuse sentence I’ve ever written.

I’ve settled comfortably into “highly amused.”

President Donald Trump’s epic, infantile postelection hissy fit strikes me as one of the funniest chapters in American political history.

The wild denials of reality, often couched in ALL CAPS TWEETS as favored by the deranged. The feckless and futile feints at legal action. The mewling encouragement of Trump’s invertebrate Republican enablers and appeasers.

The sycophantic right-wing evangelists begging God to reverse the outcome of an election in which Joe Biden walloped Trump by more than 7 million total votes and, 74 Electoral College votes. The fundraising off credulous supporters who have been persuaded that there’s merit in Trump’s court filings and actual hope in his recount efforts.

The emails I get from feverish members of Cult 45 linking me to easily debunked articles at rabid online news sites alleging various instances of election fraud so significant it will result in a second term for Trump.

The childishness of Trump’s directives not to allow Biden to begin the formal transition process. The brazen, reputation-shattering hypocrisy of commentators who for the first time in their lives are demanding a thorough examination of every delusional, paranoid theory of vote fraud before acknowledging the results of an election.

Folks! This is comedy gold! It’s a caper. It’s farce.

The clown in the starring role appears to be plotting a coup, unaware that he’s being humored, not actually supported, by those with actual power who are currently standing with him.

Years from now, historians will look back on Trump’s lame-duck flailing about as the most sidesplitting era in the annals of the presidency, a period in which each new delusion and each mendacious claim ended up deepening the shame in which posterity regards him.

They will note that, for selfish reasons, he appeared more than willing to undermine and even destroy Americans’ faith in free and fair elections — the bedrock of our democratic republic — with preposterous and unsupported allegations that the vote was rigged (though only in states he lost). They will observe that in doing so he sacrificed every claim he ever made to loving this country, our Constitution or even his party, and revealed for all the world to see his despotic aspirations.

The emptiness of Trump’s paranoid, self-pitying claims is being revealed to us day by day as his lawyers fail to assert, much less prove, evidence of significant shenanigans at the polls. And time will fully expose how precious little substance was behind this effort and how retrospectively silly and doomed it was.

Now, yes, a delayed and incomplete transition of power can threaten American security — The 9/11 Commission Report noted that the slow pace of the transition between Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush in the wake of the contested 2000 election may have contributed to the intelligence failures prior to the terror attacks on the U.S. less than a year later.

And the current clumsy handoff of power seems likely to hinder the governmental response to the resurgent COVID-19 pandemic, costing lives in the process.

But Biden, as a former vice president and six-term senator, knows his way around the White House and Washington, so the damage from Trump’s stubborn refusal to cooperate is likely to be minimal.

I’m tickled by the thought of Trump seething and scheming from the moment he wakes up in the White House, each day of denial amplifying his distress, and the confusion of the true believers who haven’t yet realized what a betrayal of American values underlies this con job.

I’m giddy at the thought of the end of this charade — an eviction? a display of pique at the Biden inauguration? an ignominious midnight departure into exile at Mar-a-Lago? — and the prospect of Trump furiously attempting to destroy Fox News as he fades into irrelevance.

Fearful friends have pointed out that we’ve underestimated Trump before — 2016 comes to mind — and you never know what supportive judges and Republican state legislatures might do to throw the election his way despite the unmistakable verdict of the voters and the fundamental baselessness of his claims.

Truth? I’ve been with my fearful friends off and on. Before I got to “amused,” I bounced around from “horrified” to “terrified” to “guardedly entertained.”

But now the evidence — or lack of evidence — is clear.

There are too many principled Republicans out there to allow an authoritarian takeover of our democracy for the temporary gain of reinstalling their grotesque jester as president.

It may look like bedlam right now, but trust me. It’s a riot.

Update:

Well, “riot” was le mot juste, I suppose. If Harris win the popular and Electoral College vote next month, I will be exceedingly anxious and not the least bit amused at Trump’s inevitable wrathful denials and ominous foot stamping until she’s sworn into office on Jan. 20

Previously featured regrettable column:

• Eric Zorn: “Nothing smart about smart cars.”

• Steve Chapman: A defense of the Electoral College

Quotables

An extra-large, pre-election collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

Economy is strong, unemployment is low, inflation is cooling, wages are rising and the stock market has hit multiple record highs this year. Trump: "Our country is a failing nation." — Chris Bury

The case for Donald Trump is “I erroneously think the economy used to be better.” — Alexandra Petri, Washington Post columnist

America is for Americans and Americans only. — Stephen Miller, Trump adviser

We’re like a garbage can for the rest of the world to dump the people that they don’t want. — Donald Trump

To someone like me who talks to people all over the world and still knows America is the shining city on a hill, calling America is a (garbage) can for the world is so unpatriotic, it makes me furious. And I will always be an American before I am a Republican. That’s why, this week, I am voting for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz. — Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

 If you’re a Christian and you care deeply about the abortion issue, I understand that. But does that mean you'll support somebody who seems to violate pretty much every precept off the 10 Commandments? If you’re a service member and you're somewhat conservative and you're used to voting Republican, I can understand that. But (to vote for) somebody who genuinely. does not believe in duty and honor and does not understand why anybody would sacrifice themselves on behalf of their country. Why would you do that? If you're a Muslim American and you're upset about what's happening in the Middle East, why would you put your faith in somebody who passed a Muslim ban and repeatedly suggested that somehow you aren't part of our American community? If you're African American or Latino — if you're from Puerto Rico — and you see somebody whose values seem to indicate that you're not part of their equation. How do you think it's OK? — Barack Obama 

I’m a little angry that we are indifferent to (Donald Trump’s) erratic behavior, his obvious mental decline, his history as a convicted felon, a known slum lord, a predator found liable for sexual abuse, all of this while we pick apart Kamala’s answers from interviews that he doesn’t even have the courage to do. — Michelle Obama

Can a liberal Democrat who isn’t voting for Kamala solely because of Gaza, please tell me how Trump, — who talks to Bibi, who said he would finish them and his son-in-law talked about building on the lan — would somehow be better? I want to understand. — Dana Goldberg

Boycotting The (Washington) Post will hurt my colleagues and me. We lost $77 million last year, which required a(nother) round of staff cuts through buyouts. The more cancellations there are, the more jobs will be lost, and the less good journalism there will be. — Dana Milbank, Washington Post

Dear MAGA: You forgive Donald Trump. You hold space and grace in your heart for things he says and the things he does and the person he is. You forgive him. There isn't a sound bite or a testimony that can come out that would make you change the permission you've already given this man to be himself. You forgive him. It could be rape. It has been rape. And you forgive him. It could be racist. It has been racist. And you forgive him. It could be some of the most negative and unnecessarily insulting and vile and irresponsible and irrational and unlawful behavior. And you forgive it. Because you forgive him. And I think you forgive him because he excuses you. I think he gives you permission to love the parts of yourself that should and need to change. I think he gives you permission to love the parts of yourself that are hateful and bigoted and oppressive and close-minded. I think he gives you permission to love these things because he is these things. And he is these things loudly and proudly in front of everyone. And if he can do that there, you can do that at your table or in your community, at your kids soccer games or in your Walmarts or in your churches, you can too be hateful and bigoted and oppressive and small minded. He represents you. He represents those things within you. So you forgive him. He hates the same people you hate, not because they're dangerous or bad, but because they look, love, and live different than you. And the fact that he gets to hate them out loud makes you feel so comfortable hating them inside, so you forgive him. And that makes it really hard to forgive you. — Matt Ransdell Jr.

Remember on Sunday to turn your clocks back one hour. Then remember on Tuesday not to set the country back 100 years. — unknown

Watching Trump day after day, he's ignored the advice of many senior, respected Republicans to stay on the issues. Instead, he's still talking about the election being stolen, trashing women left and right. He's just totally unhinged. We don't need this chaos. We need to move forward, and that's why I'm where I am. — Former veteran Republican U.S. Rep. Fred Upton of Michigan on why he’s voting for Kamala Harris

Anyone who has been abused or bullied knows very well that abusers will later say "That was a joke" and "Why can't you take a joke?" It's part and parcel of abuse. — Ed Kwok

You can never ban abortions. You can only ban safe abortions. — unknown

President Trump has promised me … control of the public health agencies which are HHS and its sub-agencies — CDC FDA NIH and a few others. And then also the USDA, which is key to making America healthy because we've got to get off of seed oils and we've got to get off of pesticide-intensive agriculture. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Imagine owning a news organization where one of your journalists was hacked to death by a dictator, and then not doing everything in your power to defeat his fans and enablers. — Emily Bell

Fuck every single one of you motherfuckers who was at that Madison Square Garden rally, and fuck everyone who had anything to do with that racist bigoted bullshit. This nonsense is honestly exhausting and I refuse to be polite or demure about this. This isn't worthy of respect, this isn't worthy of engagement, this is worthy of nothing but shame, humiliation, and contempt. The amount of sheer and blatant racism proudly on display was an absolute fucking disgrace, yet it would be a lie to say it was surprising. You all understood exactly what was being said, and historians will remember who cheered with disdain. — Vivian Jenna Wilson, Elon Musk’s daughter

The first step in a fascist movement is the combination under an energetic leader of a number of men who possess more than the average share of leisure, brutality, and stupidity. The next step is to fascinate fools and muzzle the intelligent, by emotional excitement on the one hand and terrorism on the other. — Bertrand Russell in 1940

I am so stressed about the possibility of a second Trump term and I'm a middle aged white guy I can't even imagine how some of you are feeling. — @ShawnInArizona

These people should be put in jail, the way they talk about our judges and our justices. — Donald Trump on critics of the U.S. Supreme Court ruling overturning Roe v. Wade

The 2024 Election, where Votes have just started being cast, will be under the closest professional scrutiny and, WHEN I WIN, those people that CHEATED will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law, which will include long term prison sentences so that this Depravity of Justice does not happen again. Please beware that this legal exposure extends to Lawyers, Political Operatives, Donors, Illegal Voters, & Corrupt Election Officials. Those involved in unscrupulous behavior will be sought out, caught, and prosecuted at levels, unfortunately, never seen before in our Country. — Donald Trump, not a fascist

I don't even care if there are undocumented immigrants in this country. I think it's a non issue. Without Social Security numbers they aren't privy to the welfare (that) people claim they get. The vast majority of them are normal people trying to live a better life. This whole wall, deport-the-illegals bullshit is just the one percent convincing the working poor to blame a subset of the working poor for the fact they're all poor instead of realizing the reason they are all poor is due to vast income inequality and resource price inflation in combination with wage stagnation. Please use your brains. Ffs. The existence of another poor person is not why you're poor. It's because the people who control everything refuse to increase your wages. — Jessie Memer

Sucking up to Trump will go just as well for The Washington Post as it did for Rudy Giuliani. — Alex Baze

If this utter lunatic wins after all the non-stop lunacy and mayhem he’s caused and spews out every hour of every day, our country will never recover. It will mean we are officially overrun with hatred and unadulterated imbecility at levels that were previously unimaginable. — Spiro’s Ghost

A young man leaves for school and goes to school and the authority takes him over without parental consent and they do things to him that you don't want to know about. I mean, is this supposed to be America. — Donald Trump, doubling down on the utterly unfounded notion that schools are performing gender reassignment surgery.

There are only two places where proclaiming "America is the garbage can of the world" would get loudly cheered. 1. At a Putin rally. 2. At a Trump rally. This is your chance to wrestle your country back from these crazy fuckers. Do not squander it. — Jack E. Smith

There should absolutely be social penalties for supporting Trump. Yes, I will discard any relationship over it. Friend, family, professional. I don’t care, because they sure don’t care about who they’re hurting. This isn’t like picking between Obama and McCain. — Jean-Michel Cannard

The one thing that will never be changed by the defeat of Trump is all of the racists and bigots who crawled out of the woodwork. We can never unsee them. Yet, that's a good thing. — Willie Ross Jr.

When Trump loses, I don’t think any of us can possibly imagine how stupid and how crazy it’s going to get. — Data&Politics | Blue Georgia

Quips

In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor. Subscribers vote for their favorite, and I post the winner here every Thursday:

The new nominees for Quip of the Week:

• Halloween is cool because it’s the one night a year I don’t get in trouble for pretending to be a doctor. — @octopuscaveman

• Whether you’re a fan of Halloween or not, you have to give it credit for being the last line of defense against Christmas advancing even earlier into the year, a ragtag gang of goths holding the line against a battalion of baubled barbarians. — @AdamCSharp

• I’m going to tell people they’ve put on weight while handing them a plate of food, so I can be my mom for Halloween. — @MedusaOusa

• If I were a killer who escaped around Halloween, I would consider hiding around a haunted carnival that was largely populated by unassuming teenagers. — @hell_doe

• Instead of giving kids Halloween treats this year, tell them about how the housing market actually works. It's more useful and much scarier. — @wildethingy

• Half of Halloween decorations are “What if a pumpkin could smile?” And the other half are “Would you like to see a clown stab a dog?” — @ben_rosen

• My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on. — @thedad

• I never ask teens “aren’t you a little old to be trick or treating?” because frankly, if I thought I could get away with it, *I’d* be trick or treating. — @lloydrang

• Future archaeologist uncovering a 12-foot-tall Home Depot skeleton: Another giant! We're gonna be famous, Blib!* *Blib is a common name in the future. —

  @thefishpants

• I'm going as my doppelgänger for Halloween this year — @Kyle1092

Vote here and check the current results in the poll.

For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Why the new name for this feature? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.”

Good Sports

OK, I was wrong. So far, Babe Ruth remains the GOAT

Reader Mark Broucek wrote to challenge my offhand assertion that Los Angeles Dodger superstar Shohei Ohtani — a great pitcher and a great hitter — is “the best all-around player in the history” of baseball.

It’s difficult to compare athletes from such vastly different eras — Ruth played from 1914 -1935; Ohtani has been in the major leagues since 2018 — but Fansided took a very deep dive into the comparable statistics and concluded:

Ohtani is one of the best hitters and pitchers in the game. Still, it doesn’t appear as though he bests Ruth by any stretch. … But that doesn’t mean he isn’t better than Ruth, it’s just too early to say. Ruth was an amazing hitter for a long stretch and a great pitcher for a short stretch, but he didn’t do much of both at the same time. If Ohtani can keep up his excellent production at the plate and pitch to his usual high standard further down the road, then he might inherit the crown that belongs to Ruth. But today, that crown still sits atop the head of the Bambino.

But The Sporting News notes:

Ruth played during a time where the best Black baseball players weren't allowed in the majors, leaving out some of the best ballplayers on the planet ever to play. That's no small thing to try to remove from the story. …

Ruth also wasn't playing against absolute freaks who throw 100, straight octane gas and frisbee sliders that cross state lines on their way to the plate. Players now are bigger, stronger and faster, thanks in part to modern training regimens.

Eliminate the kneel down and the deliberate spike in football with this simple rule change

A little fracas among players broke out at the end of Michigan’s football victory over Michigan State last Saturday night as my Wolverines were taking kneel-down snaps to run out the clock at the end of the game.

I dislike the kneel-down play for several reasons. One, it’s not really a football play. Two, it wastes time. And three, it’s unnecessarily provocative to the losing team.

A solution would be for a team simply to declare a kneel-down and receive an automatic 40-second run-off on the clock without actually having to snap the ball. This is similar to the new rule in baseball that allows a team to intentionally walk a batter without actually pitching to him. Purists point out that strange things can happen during actual intentional walks — wild pitches that get past the catcher, misdirected pitches that slowly cross the strike zone and so on — but the rules czars determined that the time savings were worth it. And I suppose it’s possible for a quarterback to fumble the snap prior to a kneel-down, though I’ve never seen it happen.

A better solution, though, would be to change the rules so that, in the last minute of every game, the game clock would stop at the conclusion of every play, run or pass. (Currently, the clock continues to run when a player is tackled in bounds.) Not only would this compel teams that are ahead to keep advancing the ball or lose possession, but it would also allow teams that are behind and out of timeouts to use their entire arsenal of plays and not have to resort to another annoying play, the intentional spike to stop the clock (which ought to be an intentional grounding penalty, but don’t get me started).

And since that change alone would stand to lengthen games, the first 10 minutes of the half would have the clock continue to run after incomplete passes and after ball carriers ran out of bounds.

Speaking of the ends of games, what the hail?

I would not have guessed that, as ESPN reported, Hail Mary passes succeed once in every 12 attempts in the NFL. I would have guessed 1 in 30 or so. But certainly the Bears’ coaching staff knew the probability, which makes it baffling that they didn’t call timeout before the final play of Sunday’s game against the Washington Commanders to make sure everyone on defense knew what they were supposed to do during a desperation heave as the clock ran out.

They didn’t know. Commanders quarterback Jayden Daniels completed a 52-yard prayer on the final play of the game and the Bears lost.

Ameliorating the heartbreak is that the Bears had played so poorly and been so ineptly coached that they really didn’t deserve to win, and that the loss inspired Los Angeles-based actor David Haack to create a great parody as his alter ego, Bears superfan Dave Swerski:

Tune of the Week

I’ve been opening up Tune of the Week nominations in an effort to bring some newer sounds to the mix. I’m asking readers to use the comments area for paid subscribers or to email me to leave nominations (post-2000 releases, please!) along with YouTube links and at least a few sentences explaining why the nominated song is meaningful or delightful to you. The following nomination is from Ted B. and is well before the informal year 2000 cut-off:

Ted B. wrote, “I’m pleased to see the 1981 version of ‘Goo Goo Muck’ by The Cramps catch fire again with a younger audience due to its use in a scene of the Netflix series ‘Wednesday.’ Some fine dance moves by Jenna Ortega for your wedding and halloween season.”

The song, which I don’t remember hearing before it went viral, has a bit of a “Monster Mash” feel to it and seems to be about a young person who turns into a monster at night:

When the sun goes down and the moon comes up
I turn into a teenage goo goo muck
I cruise through the city and I roam the street
A-looking for something that is nice to eat 

The original 1962 version by Ronnie Cook and the Gaylads is very obviously monster-centric, but to some, the 1981 version has other meanings.

In Louder, music journalist Scott Rowley wrote:

The late 50s and early 60s saw the release of a load of wild rock’n’roll records influenced by late-night B-movies and horror-flick drive-ins: songs about martians, cannibals and The Blob, with titles like “Werewolf,” “Green Fuz” and “Goo Goo Muck.” …

“Goo Goo Muck's” melody and sax part owes a lot to “New Orleans,” the 1960 debut single by Gary U.S. Bonds that had been a hit on both sides of the Atlantic. It’s likely that to all concerned, “Goo Goo Muck” was just a goof — a bit of daft fun, taking a hit song and giving it lyrics about a teenager who turns into a monster at night:. …

“Goo Goo Muck” was perfect for The Cramps who set about (in the early 1980s) subverting the meaning of the song a little. … In The Cramps' version the original lyric “I’m the night head-hunter looking for a head” becomes “looking for some head” and suddenly, the lines “looking for something nice to eat” take on a whole different meaning. ..

"Goo goo muck" then becomes more of a double-entendre: It could be the name of the monster, but it could also be ejaculate ("You better duck/When I show up/The goo goo muck").

Mistakes were made

When I become aware of errors in the Picayune Sentinel, I quickly correct them in the online version, but since many of you read just the email version, which I can’t correct after the fact, I will use this space periodically to alert you to meaningful mistakes I’ve made. (Not typos, in other words.)

I recently noted that District 1 Chicago School Board candidate Michelle Pierre was endorsed by the Illinois Republican Party. She wrote to tell me that no, she has not been endorsed by the Illinois Republicans and asked where I’d gotten that information.

Embarrassingly, I didn’t include a link, don’t know where I got that list of Republican endorsements and have been unable to get an answer from the state party. All I could find in my notes was this now-dead Facebook link —

but in a letter, Jeff Fiedler, executive director of the Chicago Republican Party, told me:

We absolutely did not endorse any of the CPS school board candidates in Chicago (they're all Democrats), however, we shared that we thought the Tribune's assessments in their endorsements were encouraging and we didn't disagree with their thought process. Sometimes, you have to hold your nose if you're a Republican you choose to vote in Chicago's non-partisan races as more than 90% of the candidates are Democrats.

We took down our original post as some of our committeemen felt it looked like an endorsement - it wasn't.

If you're financially supported by the CTU, we're encouraging people to vote against you, just like we did in the Mayor's race. … We haven't and won't endorse any of the school board candidates.

I regret the error.

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