Zorn: I can't believe it's not human!

A strikingly thoughtful essay about AI by AI offers a glimpse into the future

12-7-2024 (issue No. 170)

This week:

• An interesting, ominous look at the future of prose rendered by artificial intelligence

• Last week’s winning quip

• Here’s what various Chicago public school teacher raises would mean over the life of the four-year contract

• News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked

• That’s so Brandon! — Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s maladroit mayor

• Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go

• Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go

• Mary Schmich — What’s she been up to lately?

• Cheer Chat — With one week to go until opening night, an update on preparations for “Songs of Good Cheer”

• What’s on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week

• Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

• Quips — The winning visual joke and this week’s contest finalists

• Bad Sports — Violations of etiquette on the gridiron get a wag of my finger

• Tune of the Week — “Home,” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

AI-yi-yi! An interesting, ominous look at the future of prose rendered by artificial intelligence

Earlier this week, former Tribune Company search-engine optimization (SEO) director Brent Payne posted “Domo Arigato AI: How AI Replaced 600 Writers at Loud,” a 1,600-word first-person essay about how contentPerfect.AI, a machine-trained program, allowed his Chicago-based SEO optimization and content generation company, Loud Interactive, to vastly cut its freelance expenses.

The writers we employed were talented, bringing diverse experiences to the content they produced. However, even the most dedicated human can only go so far when trying to research and create a deeply optimized post. A blog post written by a human on an in-depth topic can easily take 6 hours to complete, and the costs add up—over $300 for a well-written, SEO-friendly article. … contentPerfect.AI, by contrast, can produce a post in about 45 minutes. At $30 per post, it's a 10x cost savings and a 6x to 60x time savings.

The essay is thoughtful about the implications:

The decision wasn't simple—after all, we replaced 600 part-time, stay-at-home parents who had been with us for over a decade. But … I can't help but see this as a necessary progression—a shift where technology takes over where humans left off. …

Let's be honest: the idea of replacing human writers with AI isn't without its ethical debates. Human writers bring something uniquely irreplaceable—a sense of creativity and an emotional connection that AI might struggle to replicate. … On the other hand, contentPerfect.AI does something no human can do—it brings the capabilities of multiple (digital tools) to create content that is both comprehensive and finely tuned. … It can gather, analyze, and synthesize data in ways that would be practically impossible for a single writer. … (AI) does the heavy lifting, while the human touch is still possible through editable prompts and customizations. … With contentPerfect.AI, we're able to create content that's more in-depth, more detailed, and more relevant to what audiences are searching for. …

contentPerfect.AI is a tool that allows us to do more, to be more efficient, and to create content that's deeper and more detailed than ever before. But it doesn't mean that the human touch is gone—it's still there, in the tweaks, the edits, and the final touches that only a human can provide.

The big reveal here, which you may have seen coming, is that the essay itself, complete with asides about Payne’s children and breakfast preparation and pop music, was written by contentPerfect.AI.

A conversation with Payne broke out on the private Chicago Tribune alumni page, and, at my request, he shared with us the 700-word prompt he gave the program in order that it might disgorge an essay of more than twice that length.

Just a few highlights of those prompts, aside from the obvious data points:

• Cultural Artifact: Mr. Roboto by Styx lyrics

• Setting: Hearing “Mr. Roboto” by Styx come on via Apple iTunes from the HomePods in the kitchen as Brent D. Payne … made 'Roll-ups' for breakfast for 4 of his 5 children

• Narrative Perspective: First Person (Brent D. Payne being the author, try to stay within his known brand and voice being known for being open and public in his demeanor and able to reach a wide audience with his practical examples for complicated SEO or AI concepts).

• Statistic Hook: Present a surprising or impactful statistic to emphasize the importance of the topic.

• Anecdote Hook: Share a brief, relatable story that aligns with the blog's focus.

In the discussion in the comment thread, Payne wrote:

If you’re a writer. Your job has already been replaced. Maybe your employer doesn’t know it yet and you still have a job, but you’ve been replaced. Run, don’t walk to a new career. If you’re a journalist. You have 10 years at the absolute most before the AIs/(Large Language Models/robots/cyborgs can do the things you’re capable of doing. Be mindful of this.

The philosophical and ethical questions this raises about not only journalism but art itself are growing more profound by the day. Human oversight and review are still necessary for the time being. Writing a 700-word prompt takes thought, time and effort, as does reviewing the output for sense, diction and accuracy.

And AI can be comically glitchy:

From https://www.buzzfeed.com/carleysuthers/weird-and-wrong-ai-responses

See also “AI Gone Wrong: An Updated List of AI Errors, Mistakes and Failures.” But most of those examples of artificial ineptitude are from the Model-T era of this technology, and Payne’s essay suggests we’ve entered at least in the Dodge Coronet era.

Related?

Since 2005, more than one-third of U.S. newspapers — 3,300 outlets — have closed. In that time, Illinois has lost 36% of its newspapers, or 232 outlets, and Cook County has lost 40% of its newspapers. Illinois has also lost 54% of its newspaper workers, or about 4,600 positions, in the decade ending in 2023.

Last week’s winning quip

In the U.K. we celebrate Thanksgiving as the day we managed to ship all our paranoid religious fundamentalists off to another continent. — @wildethingy

Here are this week’s nominees and the winner of the Tuesday visual-jokes poll. Here is the direct link to the new poll.

Math lesson: Proposed Chicago teacher raises

In ongoing contract negotiations, the initial proposal from the Chicago Teachers Union called for 9% annual raises for each of the next four years above and beyond the “step and lane” increases that reward teachers for length of service and higher levels of educational attainment. Chicago Public Schools negotiators have offered a lower percentage wage hike, and the teachers have since come down in their ask.

But what would those numbers mean over the life of the contract? I got out my abacus.

Annual raises compound. So to make it easy, I started with a salary of $100,000 — higher than the average teacher salary in Chicago.

• For the first year, 9% of $100,000 is $9,000 — salary is then $109,000

• In the second year, 9% of $109,000 is $9,810 — salary is then $118,810

• In the third year, 9% of $118,810 is $10,693 — salary is then $129,503

• And in the fourth year, 9% of $129,503 is $11,655 — salary is then $141,158

That’s a 41% increase in four years, but the latest ask from the union is for 6% raises in the first two years of the contract and 5% in years three and four. Using similar ciphering, that raise turns out to be 24% in four years.

CPS negotiators have reportedly offered the union a 4% raise in the first year with adjustments of 4% to 5% in the next three years based on rate of inflation. That total raise would be from 17% to 20%..

The current annual inflation rate is 2.6%. We don’t know what the future inflation rate will be, but if it stays at around 3%, a total four-year raise of 12.6% raise would keep up with the consumer price index.

News & Views

News: Cook County Board of Review Commissioner Samantha Steele is refusing to resign after being arrested Nov. 7 for DUI.

View: She’s clearly a follower of Roland’s Rule. The incident was embarrassing on top of allegedly illegal — Steele at first refused to get out of her car, telling officers she was an elected official. Then she reportedly questioned the size of an officer’s penis.

But Roland’s Rule says that the worst time to resign is when people all around you are insisting that you quit. Absent a true crisis where any delay will cause irreparable damage to others or yourself, you should wait. Let passions cool. If you’re famous, allow the screaming headlines to fade and the angry pundits to train their righteous fire elsewhere.

I named this principle after Illinois politician Roland Burris, who stoically ignored those who demanded that he refuse to accept the appointment to the U.S. Senate conferred upon him in by Gov. Rod Blagojevich three weeks after Blagojevich was been arrested on corruption charges — 16 years ago Sunday. Burris went on to serve nearly two undistinguished years in the Senate.

Steele, who attended a recent board meeting by Zoom saying she was ill, evidently realizes that these scandals die away, but resignations are forever.

News: Pope Francis urges priests to keep their sermons to under 10 minutes

View: Infallible opinion! My esteemed father has often advised me that no one has ever gotten mad at anyone for giving a speech that is too short. And though that’s not literally true — when we come to hear a speaker, be it from a lectern or a pulpit, we do expect some substance — it’s something to keep in mind when addressing an audience. Get to the point. Attention spans are short. Leave them wanting at least a bit more, not checking their watches.

Pope Francis urged preachers to transmit "one idea, one sentiment, and one invitation to action" within at most 10 minutes."After 8 minutes, preaching gets dispersive and no one understands," he said. "Never go over 10 minutes, ever! This is very important."

News: The Tribune hires a senior vice president from the Illinois Policy Institute to serve on its editorial board

View: The newspaper is in greater need of more staff column voices than it is of more anonymous pundits channeling the corporate voice of Tribune Publishing.

That’s So Brandon!

Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s mayor

Johnson’s hamhanded and unpopular efforts to get rid of Chicago Public Schools CEO Pedro Martinez continue

The Tribune’s Nell Salzman reported Wednesday that “an attorney representing the Chicago Board of Education offered to buy out Pedro Martinez, the embattled chief of Chicago Public Schools” because “Martinez’s contract limits the district’s ability to fire him without cause and could lead to an expensive lawsuit.”

Mayor Brandon Johnson’s Ahab-like obsession with ousting Martinez, who has been standing in the way of a wholesale capitulation in contract talks with the Chicago Teachers Union — the mayor’s main benefactor and former employer — is beyond curious. As a Sun-Times editorial points out:

More than 670 CPS principals and assistant principals — two-thirds of the 1,100 in the district — have signed a letter urging the current appointed board to retain Martinez in spite of the ongoing maneuvering by Johnson and his Chicago Teachers Union allies to remove the CEO and smooth the path to a new teachers contract that would cost an estimated $1.8 billion in the first year and more than $9.2 billion over the full agreement. … As for the current board’s reported displeasure with Martinez’s handling of CTU negotiations and plans to close seven Acero charter schools — well, it takes two to strike a contract agreement, and charter school decisions are made by charter school boards, not CPS.

When reporters asked Monday what Johnson thought about the letter from hundreds of principals, he said, “I actually don’t think much of it,” and later added, “I don’t think much of it at all.”

This sort of high-handed dismissal of the views of other stakeholders helps explain why polling shows Johnson with an anemic 14% job approval rating.

At the very least, the mayor’s hand-picked board should wait until the reconstituted, partially-elected school board takes over next month. Instead his trustee marionettes are ginning up fears that the incoming Trump administration will impose hardships on city schools, as reflected in the board’s Nov. 22 open letter to Martinez urging him to “move negotiations to conclusion” and have a “fully executed contract in the coming days”:

With the changes in the national political landscape and their implication for our district, we feel a heightened sense of urgency in providing whatever stability we can to our students, educators and school communities and codifying as many protections as possible.

They are reportedly moving to try to fire Martinez for some trumped up “cause” this month in a move so audacious and unpopular among voters that it will work against Johnson should he plan to run for reelection in 2027.

(Speaking of which, Former U. S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan topped the list of potential mayoral challengers favored by Picayune Sentinel readers in last week’s click poll.)

Johnson lowers the bid again on his proposed property tax hike as the end-of-year budget deadline looms

Mayor Brandon Johnson’s proposed property tax increase started at $300 million, dropped to $150 million after an explosion of consternation, and has reportedly now dropped to $68.1 million.

Meanwhile, his proposal to increase the alcohol tax by 34% to help close a hole in the $17.3 billion city budget is running into stiff opposition as a potential job killer. Wisely, Johnson has finally decided not to toss his revenue notions out for media mastication before getting buy-in from alders, and is looking to negotiate and collaborate behind closed doors.

But the frequent and necessary surrenders to the alders emboldened by Johnson’s unpopularity are signs of weakness. Collaboration, seemingly his favorite concept, is going to have to involve quite a bit of compromise on program and staffing cuts.

Heather Cherone of WTTW-Ch. 11 has an excellent wrap up in “How Mayor Brandon Johnson Lost Control of the Debate Over Chicago’s 2025 Budget.”

“Aldermen blast Mayor Brandon Johnson’s handling of staff abuse allegations”

Johnson’s former communications director Ronnie Reese was fired Nov. 5 after reports surfaced of sexual harassment and the creation of a hostile work environment on his watch. The claims included xenophobic, homophobic and racist remarks, all of which Reese has categorically denied. Johnson has said that he was unaware of those complaints, though they had been numerous, and that he had nothing to do with the whistleblowers having been placed on the city’s do-not-hire list.

From the Tribune’s Jake Sheridan:

“Practically speaking,” the mayor should have known about the troubling allegations sooner, Ald. Scott Waguespack said.

“I don’t see how the mayor could not know about this,” Waguespack, a frequent mayoral critic, said at a news conference outside City Hall. “It’s pretty clear to me that the mayor knew about it, or should have known about it, and should have done something immediately.”…

At their Tuesday news conference, Waguespack, 32nd, and Ald. Gilbert Villegas, 36th, called on Johnson to change the rules governing how someone can get added to the do-not-hire list allegedly used by Reese to block several former employees from future city jobs.

The whistleblowers have been taken off the do-not-hire list and Reese has been added. And now it’s up to Johnson to add layers of review and transparency to how fired city employees get placed on that list.

Neil Steinberg’s advice for the mayor:

I would humbly suggest that, before (Brandon Johnson) speaks, he measure what he is about to say against three tests:

1. Am I about to blame someone else for something which is essentially my responsibility?

2. Am I about to invoke my family when discussing something that has nothing to do with them?

3. Am I about to suggest that legitimate criticisms are racially motivated?

If the answer is “Yes” to any of those questions, he should not say it.

Land of Linkin’

• My take on President Joe Biden’s pardoning of his son Hunter, an issue that is dividing the left.

• House Democratic leader Hakeem Jeffries calls on Biden to pardon on a case-by-case basis federal prisoners “whose lives have been ruined by unjustly aggressive prosecutions for nonviolent offenses.” (Politico)

Squaring up the news

This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:

■ Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow envisions an emergency room of the near future, staffed by an AI medical consultant: “It sounds like you have a knife sticking out of your back! If this is correct, please press or say ‘1.’”

■ It’s not just you: The Ringer updates a growing crusade against offensively bright auto headlights. Ground Zero in that fight: The subreddit r/FuckYourHeadlights.

■ Calling formaldehyde “an ever-present danger,” causing more cancer than any other air pollutant—often “in the one place people feel safest: inside their homes”—ProPublica says the government’s doing almost nothing about it. And ProPublica’s created a lookup tool: Enter your address to assess your exposure to formaldehyde—and where it’s coming from.

■ Careful with the cinnamon and spice: Consumer Reports is demanding the government step up safeguards for production of those ingredients, at least a dozen of which it found to contain more lead in a quarter-teaspoon than one should consume in a whole day.

■ Researchers in Chicago report a breakthrough that stands to significantly cut solar- and wind-energy batteries’ cost and increase their capacity.

■ Recalling the TV show “Designated Survivor”—about a catastrophic attack on Washington—columnist/cartoonist Jack Ohman surveys the line of succession if Donald Trump “were somehow to become incapacitated or die.”

■ Guess which media outlet is not “all over” concerns about Defense Secretary-designate Pete Hegseth.

■ Columnist Charlie Sykes: Hegseth “is called a skeevy chode—by his own mom,” although she’s now recanting a 2018 letter.

■ Media watcher Oliver Darcy says mainstream media have failed to convey “the extremist nature” of Trump’s choice to head the FBI, Kashyap Patel. But hey, Wonkette’s on the case—labeling Patel Trump’s “most dangerously clownstupid nomination yet.”

■ Trump vs. Chicago: Politico’s Shia Kapos assesses a report that the incoming administration is “discussing how to unilaterally strip federal resources” to undermine the city’s status as one of just a handful of “sanctuary cities” for immigrants.

■ The Downballot calls a Wisconsin contest coming in April “the most important election between now and next November”—one that’ll “help determine the future of democracy in a critical swing state.”

■ Chicago magazine’s Chicagoans of the Year list includes a prize fossil.

■ Stephen King is killing his three Maine radio stations.

You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.

Mary Schmich: What I’ve been up to lately

My former colleague Mary Schmich posts occasional column-like entries on Facebook. Here, reprinted with permission, is a recent offering:

OK, this is a little scary. But here goes:

I've been working on a podcast. It's called “Division Street Revisited.”

A few months after I left the Tribune in 2021, my former Tribune colleague Melissa Harris asked if I'd ever read Studs Terkel's first oral history collection, "Division Street: America."

I hadn't. She handed me a copy of the book and asked me to read it. Said she had an idea for something we might do with it.

The book contains Studs' interviews with 71 "ordinary" people in the tumultuous 1960s.

Melissa's idea: What if we picked a few people in the book and tracked down their children and grandchildren and tried to figure out what their lives could tell us about the world today? We could use Studs' original tape recordings and our own current recordings and make a podcast.

I — an ink-stained wretch — gulped and said, "Sure!"

We assembled a multi-talented team that includes former Tribune editor Mark Jacob; audio whizzes Bill Healy, Cate Cahan, Libby Lussenhop and Chijioke Williams; and amazing musician Chris Walz. Bill, by the way, was part of a team that won this year's Pulitzer for audio.

And on Jan. 27 the first of our 7 episodes will begin airing on WBEZ in Chicago and on all the podcast platforms. We hope you'll listen. You can already subscribe on the podcast platforms (Apple, Spotify, etc.) It's free!

Just below is a beautiful, two-minute trailer masterminded by Bill Healy and former Tribune photographer Alex Garcia.

We'd love it if you help us spread the word. Thanks.

Cheer Chat

An update on preparations for the 26th annual Songs of Good Cheer winter holiday sing-along programs at the Old Town School of Folk Music.

One week to go until opening night and we’re still trying to straighten out our “travel ons” from our “hurry ons” in this terrific but generally unfamiliar Christmas song, “Heard it From Heaven Today.”

Come sing with us! Shows are next Thursday through Sunday, Dec. 12-15, and tickets are available online and at the Old Town School of Folk Music in Chicago’s Lincoln Square neighborhood.

Minced Words

Brandon Pope, Marj Halperin, Austin Berg, and I joined host John Williams on this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” podcast. We discussed the discomfort some of us have with our lack of interest in the trial of Michael Madigan, the troubling cabinet nominations of incoming President Donald Trump, President Joe Biden’s pardon of his son Hunter, the promises of incoming Cook County State’s Attorney Eileen O’Neill Burke and the record of outgoing state’s attorney Kim Foxx. At the end of the show we offered panelist recommendations:

• John: “Yacht Rock,” a documentary on “the rise of the smooth West Coast sound pioneered by artists like Steely Dan, Toto, and Michael McDonald.” Streaming on Max.

• Brandon: The latest season of “Hard Knocks” behind the scenes NFL documentaries, this one featuring teams in the AFC North. Streaming on Max.

• Marj: “Cross,” a police procedural based on James Patterson novels. Streaming on Amazon Prime; and Hard Sell, a cocktail made with Malört, gin, lemon juice and St. Germaine.

• Austin: “Playtime,” a 1967 movie directed and starring French film star Jacques Tati. Streaming on Amazon Prime; and the 2019 book “Music, a Subversive History” by Ted Gioia

• Eric: “A Man on the Inside,” the new Netflix series starring Ted Danson about a retiree who goes undercover at a retirement home in order to solve a crime; and Monica Crosby’s macaroni and cheese recipe that Cate Plys gave me last week and that I followed in helping make our Thanksgiving dinner:

To be on the safe side I ended up using Swiss instead of blue cheese. And my older son’s partner suggested a breadcrumb topping, which was a nice touch. I will never have another Thanksgiving without it!

Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.

Read the background bios of some regular panelists here.

Quotables

A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

Pride isn’t about turning straight kids into queer kids. Pride is about not turning queer kids into dead kids — unknown

Has anyone tried unplugging the United States and plugging it back in? — unknown

To not pardon Hunter Biden would be to spit in the faces of the American people who voted for unfettered corruption — unknown

The pardon of Hunter Biden is in the best interests of justice. Based on the facts, most federal prosecutors would have declined to charge him. The botched misdemeanor guilty plea and sentence of diversion were a tell that the special counsel had the same assessment. — Barb McQuade

I do not understand the Republican hatred of Zelenskyy. He is the Churchill of our times. He has worked tirelessly for the freedom of his people. He is everything they claim to want in a leader, yet they hate him because Russia has done such a good job infiltrating Conservative media with propaganda and pro-Russian talking points. They hate Zelenskyy because Putin wants them to. — LDS Dems

The K is silent

Thanks to the social media account of Judge Dibs, my attention was drawn to this passage in a recent blog entry by former Tribune columnist John Kass:

Former Cook County State’s Attorney’s Devine, O’Malley, Daley, and Alvarez attended the swearing in ceremony for the swearing in for new prosecutor Eileen Burke.

But did prominent leftists in Chicago show up to wave bye-bye to outgoing Soros prosecutor Zero Kim Foxx?

I mean did the pro-Soros Marxist leaders of the Chicago Tribune Guild show up? Or their ankle biting cheerleader Eric Zorn show up to hold hands with guild boss/political Soros hack Greg Pratt?

I didn’t show up to Burke’s swearing in, no. Neither did Foxx, who somehow scheduled a vacation that conflicted with Monday’s festivities. Foxx would not have enjoyed seeing me, as I’ve hammered her for years over her handling of the Jussie Smollett case.

“Ankle-biter” refers to a small child, and though I am a couple of years younger than Kass I am much taller, and therefore I would be severely disadvantaged in an ankle-biting contest with the diminutive Hoosier.

As for the “pro-Soros, Marxist” Chicago Tribune Guild, which Kass went on to say helped to “kill a once-great newspaper,” I am obliged by a standing promise to again direct readers to “The truth about John Kass’ dispute with the Tribune and the Tribune Guild,” a lengthy and factually bulletproof essay that explains but does not excuse his obsession.

Every time he slags the union or his former employer, I link to this article and it gets hundreds of clicks. Otherwise I ignore his predictable rants. Enjoy!

Quips

In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor. Subscribers vote for their favorite, and I post the winner here every Thursday:

The new nominees for Quip of the Week:

• Cyber Monday has become too commercialized. — @amore_orless

• Her voice was as silky as silken tofu, but her words were as firm as extra-firm tofu. — @prawn_meat

• Now that Joe has pardoned Hunter, maybe he could get the Columbia House Record Club off my back. — @WilliamAder

• My dentist is the 1 in 5 who recommends you keep your mouth full of taffy at least 6 hours a day. — @KnoBrain3r

• It’s officially “surprise in your coat pocket from last winter” season. — @JonHansenTalks

• Yesterday I wore something from 10 years ago that actually fit! It was a scarf, but still. — @dexteristwisted

• I'm an over-explainer (I explain things too much). — @notincharge7

• If you're not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. True happiness comes from building dashboards that give executives deeper insight into critical business functions. — @netcapgirl

• You might think off-brand products are just as good, but I learned my lesson at Lollapalooka. — @neenertothe3

• Not going is the new leaving early. — @wildethingy

Vote here and check the current results in the poll.

For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Why the new name for this feature? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.”

Bad Sports

Prior to Friday night’s football game between the University of Nebraska and the University of Iowa, Nebraska pointedly declined to engage in the customary handshakes among team captains prior to the coin toss at midfield.

It was an utterly classless move and made Iowa’s 13-10 victory even sweeter.

Speaking of 13-10 games and poor sportsmanship…

University of Michigan players provoked a post-game melee by attempting or miming an attempt to plant their team’s flag on the Ohio State University logo at midfield after beating OSU 13-10 Saturday afternoon.

Michigan had endured this sort of celebratory taunting by a visiting victorious opponent twice already this season when players first from Texas then from Oregon unfurled their school flags at midfield at Michigan Stadium, but it’s a lousy tradition and one that ought to be strongly discouraged. Mutual congratulations after a game are a sign of respect for the sport, for oneself and for one’s opponents.

A group of Ohio State players took exception to Michigan’s over-exuberance after the Wolverines’ fourth straight victory in the legendary rivalry, and rushed to throw punches and rip the M flag away. Police used pepper spray to restore order, and both schools were fined $100,000 for the brawl.

Losing with dignity is important, too. And I fault coaches on both sides for not drilling better sportsmanship into their players.

Meanwhile, yes, I’m exultant that my alma mater achieved perhaps the greatest upset in the history of this rivalry, entering the game unranked against the No. 2 Buckeyes and roughly a three touchdown underdog.

If I were an Ohio State fan — and I probably will be rooting for them in the upcoming 12-team playoff — I would be seething that the team didn’t take better advantage of Michigan’s depleted secondary and their exceptional receiving corps.

Shortly before halftime, OSU took the ball 75 yards in 9 plays, 6 of them completed passes. But in the second half they continued to try to run the ball rather than take advantage of their superior aerial attack.

Michigan will go on to play in some meaningless, inferior bowl game in which its NFL-bound star players are unlikely to participate. Ohio State could win the national championship if a few bounces go their way. But having lost to Michigan, they will still consider their season something of a failure.

Tune of the Week

“Home” was the signature song of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, a Los Angeles-based band that formed in 2007 but evoked the sound and ethos of the1960s. The song, from the group’s first studio album “Up From Below” released in 2009, is a bouncy but sappy duet by lead singers Alex Ebert and Jade Castrinos.

Oh, home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Oh, home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you

Ebert, who made up the name of the band, broke up with Castrinos 10 years ago and the band appears to be on hiatus.

I’ve been opening up Tune of the Week nominations in an effort to bring some newer sounds to the mix. I’m asking readers to use the comments area for paid subscribers or to email me to leave nominations (post-2000 releases, please!) along with YouTube links and at least a few sentences explaining why the nominated song is meaningful or delightful to you.

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.

The Picayune Sentinel is a reader-supported publication. Browse and search back issues here. Simply subscribe to receive new posts each Thursday. To support my work, receive bonus issues on Tuesdays and join the zesty commenting community, become a paid subscriber. Thanks for reading

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