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Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.
Tuesdays at 11:30 a.m. I talk with WGN-AM 720 host John Williams about what’s making news and likely to be grist for the PS mill. The WGN listen-live link is here.
Heavens to Betsy
In the early 1960’s one of my father’s fellow graduate students in the physics department at Yale University broke up with his girlfriend, a young woman named Betsy to whom he had given a guitar. She returned the instrument to him and he in turn gave it to our family. The picture on the left is of me at age 4 “playing” that guitar with dad in the driveway of our apartment building in New Haven, Connecticut.
Betsy’s guitar ended up with my father’s sister Liz for many decades. She strummed on it occasionally, and then when she moved into assisted living nearly 20 years ago, it ended up with me, quite a bit the worse for wear but still sounding pretty good.
It’s my “desk guitar,” an instrument I keep out of its case, propped up a few feet away from me in my home office for those moments I want to figure out some chords or just take a break from sermonizing, pontificating, curating and whatever else all this is. I don’t worry about knocking it over occasionally or having it crack due to changes in humidity, as it already has significant cracks and holes in it. One of the fret markers fell off along the way, and part of the back is held together with a ribbon of Scotch tape.
The picture on the right is of the impromptu quartet that played the first waltz at my son’s wedding earlier this month. My daughter Annie is playing Betsy’s guitar.
I’m not into musical gear — I barely know the makes and models of the fiddles, banjos, mandolins and other guitars we have knocking around the house. According to the inside label, Betsy’s guitar is a 1951 Rogelio Salas made in Mexico, if that means anything to anyone.
I care about how they sound, how well they play and, importantly, their history, who has played it, where and when they’ve played it. They are active artifacts.
The guitar I’m holding in the wedding photo above belonged to my musical mentor, Bill Pierson, who died on New Year’s Day 2000. It’s been on loan from his family for the last dozen years and every time I play it — often! — little sparks of his memory fly.
Music lovers! Tickets for Songs of Good Cheer are on sale now at the Old Town School of Folk Music. Yes, it’s not yet feeling a lot like Christmas, but tickets for this annual holiday singalong ( December 12-15) tend to go quickly and, for the 26th year, Mary Schmich and I will be fronting the vastly talented band of musicians.
Cue the ominous music
I found this book from 1940 on my parents’ shelves over the weekend, and it looks like the opening image in a cartoon feature in which everything goes terribly, terribly wrong.
Notes and comments from readers — lightly edited — along with my responses
Bye bye ShotSpotter
David Leitschuh — Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson basically sees the police force as a racist institution of oppression, and genuinely believes that the less policing the better. Denying officers the valuable tool of ShotSpotter — which saves lives by faster response time to shootings — comes right out of his previous statements supporting the idea of defunding the police. His decision to decommission ShotSpotter is inspired by his far-left ideology, not a devotion to the best interests of Chicago citizens, particularly people of color who are at most risk of harm from violent crime.
Marc Martinez —Mayor Johnson has been very clear from the beginning of his campaign that he believes the solution to shootings in the city is “to address the root causes.” The mayor's definition of 'root causes' is pretty vague and he has admitted that correcting the 'root causes' will take decades. It also isn't clear what the extent and details are for all of the programs and spending that the mayor believes are required or how many of them are in place. We will have to wait till the next election to see if the voters believe he is on the right track.
Skeptic — It seems to me that Johnson decided to end ShotSpotter because of its involvement with events that lead to 13-year-oldAdam Toledo being killed by a police officer. Since a person calling 911 about shots being fired near their home could lead to the same outcome, I would like to know if Johnson thinks that police should not respond to such calls. If not, then why the objection to ShotSpotter?
Zorn —It’s highly likely that things would have turned out better for Adam Toledo had ShotSpotter not pinpointed where he and an older companion were when shots were fired in the wee hours of the morning in the Little Village neighborhood. But that story is an example of the technology working properly and as I hope we would want it to: Summoning law enforcement quickly to scenes of gunfire.
911 emergency systems are failures by the same metrics that critics use to disparage ShotSpotter. Lots of false and unproven alarms, no lowered crime rate, extra attention to communities of color.
The implication that it would be better for the community for those who fire off guns to vanish into the night is absurd. We will find out more about the circumstances of Adam’s death when disciplinary and civil court proceedings commence, but all indications so far are that Officer Eric Stillman made a tragic but understandable mistake.
Bedside manners
Members of the 12% weighed in:
Joan Pederson — On the road, my sweetie always gets the side nearer the bathroom: purely pragmatic based on who always needs to use the facilities more often during the night. At home, we never change.
Jo A. — Same side at home. Yes. But on the road we switch sometimes but not randomly. My husband always gets the side closer to the bathroom because I am a light sleeper and the farther I’m away from hearing him get up in the middle of the night or sense him trying to navigate around the bed the better.
David O. — I sleep on the side closer to the door. My wife suggested that 41 years ago in case we had an intruder. Oddly, that puts me on the opposite side in our Florida home from our Illinois home, but I’m closer to the bathroom in both locations! 😉
On casting protest votes for fringe candidates
Phillip Seeberg — I suggest to all those who are not a fan of either party to vote third-party rather than for someone you also dislike. If you live in Illinois, Vice President Kamala Harris is going to win the state and it doesn’t matter who the double haters vote for. So you might as well vote for someone else and show both parties that you want them to move more to the middle.
Joanie Wimmer — If you don’t vote for Harris in a state where your vote could affect the outcome, you are making it more likely that Donald Trump will be elected. There is really no disputing that formulation.
Pete Prokopowicz — People reliably tell me that if I don’t vote for Harris, I’m voting for Trump. When I tell them I’m not going to vote for someone I don’t support, which in this election is both major party candidates. Distilled, it sounds to me like this: "This is a close election - every vote matters. Are you voting for A or B?" "Neither, I don't like either one. I'll vote for C, whom I like a lot." "You're helping elect B!"
Juliepieinthesky — Save our country first by voting for Harris/Walz. Then you can vote for whomever you want in 2028 because we will have an election in 2028!
Zorn — The presumption by those appalled by Pete’s decision is that he is a sane and decent man who would choose Harris over Trump if he had only those two candidates to choose from — a presumption I share, knowing him as I do. And so he is in effect denying Harris a vote. In the real world with millions of voters it’s super unlikely to make a difference, so a symbolic vote for the Libertarian Party presidential nominee — another presumption on my part — also won’t make a difference.
Who is the Libertarian Party nominee? Anyone? Anyone? See the end of Zmail for the answer.
On my thrashing of Thrasher
Peter Zackrison — I read your rant concerning Northwestern journalism professor Steven Thrasher. I agree with your opinion, but does it concern you that you could not cite any ethical violations? Journalism (unlike medicine, law or even driving a car) requires no license, no agreement to follow any ethical code or laws and no preparation. Journalism is a profession in need of enforceable guidelines.
Zorn — I am very wary of any suggestion that journalists should be licensed or disciplined by a public agency or any outside agency. I refused for most of my career to get a Chicago Police Department media ID card
Cate Plys — I can never get over the narcissism embodied in Thrasher's loutish reply to your polite and impeccably reasoned invitation to further discussion. As a Medill grad who's already embarrassed enough by their new name, I can hardly stand knowing that this is the type of person they hire. But question: Medill lists Thrasher as an assistant professor. That means he does not have tenure. So why are they stuck with him? Isn't it reasonable for alum and others to expect Medill to not renew Thrasher's contract when it's up? A journalism professor who doesn't understand the real meaning of objective reporting, and actively teaches students not to attempt to report objective reality for their readers is actively antithetical to the school's entire mission.
Zorn — I’m sure he’d be an insufferable martyr if denied tenure.
Jake H. — I'm a supporter in general of academic tenure as a protection against punishment for expression of controversial opinions. After all, free exchange of ideas is the lifeblood of a truth-seeking institution. At the same time, tenure should be premised only on some combination of outstanding academic achievement and outstanding teaching, consistently confirmed over a lengthy probationary period, consistent with the university's truth-seeking mission. Ideological firebrands, the immature sort to whom students, being immature themselves, often gravitate, who don't engage in serious study and/or only confirm priors in the classroom rather than challenge them — shrill activists, in other words — should be consigned, at most, to guest lecturer positions.
If institutions of higher learning won't uphold standards of higher learning, who will?
Junior wants a pardon
Garry Spelled Correctly — You wrote that disgraced former Democratic congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. has acquired support for his pardon from many current and former elected officials. Why do so many people in politics always line up to say such wonderful things about their fellow politicians who are crooks? I get the feeling it's because they want such favors to be reciprocated for when they get caught and convicted.
Michael M. — If Joe Arpaio — who was accused of numerous offenses while serving as sheriff of Maricopa County in Arizona and was convicted of criminal contempt of court — can get a pardon, Jackson Jr. deserves one as well. And spare me the two-wrongs-don't-make-a-right speech. We either create legislation that defines consistently what qualifies for a pardon or we accept that Presidents can pardon whomever the fuck they want, like the Kings of Old.
Are you really gonna sit there and say "welp, the Sheriff who violated human rights on a daily basis got a pardon he didn't deserve, but that's just how the cookie crumbles."?
Between Arpaio and Jackson Jr., who has done more harm? Who has shown remorse, even if perfunctory? And which one might do more good with their pardon?
If we are going to pretend that justice is blind and fairness exists in this country, then we have to evaluate our systems and our processes. Since we don't have a mechanism to reverse undeserved pardons, the best we can do is balance the scales where we can.
Zorn — I would like to see the pardon power limited by legislative oversight.
Sox appeal
Laurence E Siegel — The Sox have now lost 120 games and have tied the record for most losses ever in a single season. They will be playing for the record Tuesday night at home against the Angels.
Zorn — Yes, but I will once again remind readers that the record they have just tied — held by the 1962 New York Mets — has an asterisk. That team played only 160 out of the 162 games on the schedule due to two rainouts that were not made up. To own the record free and clear, the Sox will have to lose three of their remaining six games. If they lose 4 out of the last six games and finish at 38-124, that will be a winning percentage of .2346, just a shade worse than the .2353 winning percentage of the 1916 Philadelphia A’s, who played a shorter season and is currently acknowledged as the worst team in the history of modern Major League Baseball (since 1900).
I’m planning to attend Thursday afternoon’s game just to get in on the history of it all.
Shame on the shamer
Steven K. — Why do you describe your former colleague John Kass as a fat shamer?
Zorn — Because he can scarcely let a reference to JB Pritzker go by with calling him “Gov. Jelly Belly,” “Fat Boy” or otherwise alluding to Pritzker’s weight. It’s a puerile, bullying attack rooted in what is clearly a medical issue, and it has a certain pot/kettle quality since Kass himself was notably portly at one time.
Tribune pricing shenanigans
Marc Martinez — The only rationale I can think of for the way the Tribune keeps jacking up its subscription prices and adding in “premium issue” supplements and supply chain costs is that consumers of the Trib have a very broad range of assessed value for the product.
The company wants to get the highest price from the most consumers but can’t easily assess how much consumers are willing to pay. So, they have a model that increases the price (both subscription and the add-on fees) while allowing price-sensitive consumers who call to complain to obtain a lower price. Requiring the effort to get the discount is a barrier that reduces the number of requests and supports the higher price. Their expectation is that they will maximize revenue with the maximum number of consumers paying the most that they are willing to pay.
They must also believe that a straightforward, transparent pricing model would result in fewer subscribers and lower revenues. They may even believe that there are not enough consumers willing to pay that price for them to stay in business.
The current pricing model may be better for extending the life of the product.
Zorn — Though Tribune Publishing officials never respond to my queries about this, I’m sure that’s it. They are relying on price insensitivity and inertia to get as much as they can from wealthy and/or inattentive subscribers. And charging people what you have determined they are willing to pay makes certain garage-sale-haggling sense. If they were transparent about it, customers would revolt.
The Libertarian Party nominee for president is Chase Oliver.
Hello darkness, our old nemesis
The week’s best visual jokes
Here are some funny visual images I've come across recently on social media. Enjoy, then evaluate:
There’s still time to vote in the conventional Quip of the Week poll!
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Contact
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I read all the messages that come in, but I do most of my interacting with readers in the comments section beneath each issue.
Some of those letters I reprint and respond to in the Z-mail section of Tuesday’s Picayune Plus, which is delivered to paid subscribers and available to all readers later Tuesday. Check there for responses.
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"Fat shamer" is about the kindest thing anyone could say about the vulgar, sad Royko-wannabee Kass.
Actually, Adam Toledo would be alive today if that 13 year old wasn't running around in the middle of the night with an adult gang member criminal who then handed him a gun, because juveniles are treated far more leniently, when arrested with a gun than adults! Shotspotter was just an add on to that mistake he made & his moron parents made by letting him out at that hour to be with a criminal!
And using the Monty Python "Dead Parrot sketch" to make of of how that fool Musk has destroyed Twitter is perfect!