The time is ripe to curb presidential pardon powers by amending the Constitution

& ominous news at the Sun-Times

1-23- 2025 (issue No. 177)

This week:

• This past week shows the urgency of the need to rein in the powers of pardon and commutation

• Last week’s winning quip

• News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked on the Sun-Times buyout offers, the alleged Nazi salute by Elon Musk and more

• No, dammit, Trump does not have a ‘mandate’!

• That’s so Brandon! — Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s maladroit mayor

• Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go

• Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go

• How long, o Lord, will Trump be with us?

• Mary Schmich — Stay skeptical, my friends

• What’s on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week

• Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

• Tips on how to be a good old person — From one who should know

• Emoticon and emoji are related words, right? — Wrong!

• Quips — The winning visual jokes and this week’s contest finalists

• Good Sports — A prediction that Unrivaled will be Unpopular

• Tune of the Week — “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down” in memory of the death of the last surviving member of The Band.

Mend it or end it, we’ve got to rein in the powers of pardon and commutation

Yes, I know. It’s almost impossible to amend the U.S. Constitution. Of the roughly 12,000 proposed amendments since 1789, just 27 have been ratified — the most recent being a curb on Congressional compensation enacted in 1992. In this century, an average of more than 37 amendments have been floated in Congress every year, with not one of them coming even close to surviving the lengthy process that requires an overwhelming national consensus for ratification.

That said, we’re in a moment right now when Republicans and Democrats are overwhelmingly united in disgust at the exercise of the nearly unlimited powers of pardon and commutation granted in Article II.

Republicans (and even some Democrats) are furious about the way now-former President Joe Biden dispensed mercy and forgiveness retrospectively and prospectively to his family members, unindicted political figures, convicted murderers and others.

Democrats (and even some Republicans) are furious that President Trump, in his first hours in office this week, issued blanket pardons to all who were convicted of or were facing charges relating the January 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol. The list included those who had violently attacked Capitol police.

You can guess where most of my fury is directed, but I’m not here to debate the relative merits of the Biden and Trump actions. Instead I’m simply expressing the hope that a sufficient majority of lawmakers from both major parties can find common ground in the sentiment neatly expressed in a Tribune editorial this week:

We’re witnessing a frightening rise of government systems being used as a political weapon to be leveraged for personal gain, for partisan gain and for acts of retribution. Those in power are establishing a precedent that undermines our court system, making the judicial branch irrelevant if you’re close enough with the president. …

When the president acts on his or her own, he or she oversteps the separation of powers upon which the country’s entire system of governance was built. … Increased presidential pardon activity has become a way for the president to have more power and serve as judge and jury.

That power must be scaled back and reined in.

For example, a quasi-judicial, bipartisan justice-review authority could weigh the merits of appeals for pardons and commutations and grant them with a supermajority vote of a panel. Or we could simply shift the pardon/commutation power to the courts themselves.

Injustice exists, for sure. Prosecutors overreach. Judges and juries fail. Momentary passions override reason. Politics puts its greasy thumb on the scales of justice.

Correcting errors can take decades. In normal times, giving kingly powers to an executive to right wrongs quickly can be efficient and compassionate.

But these are not normal times, and Biden and Trump have combined to set the precedent for more abnormality to come.

Last week’s winning quip

My current wife says she doesn’t like my use of adjectives. — @tobestewart

Here are this week’s nominees and the winner of the Tuesday visual-jokes poll. Here is the direct link to the new poll.

News and Views

News: Chicago Public Media will make buyout offers to Sun-Times newsroom employees and the business staff of WBEZ-FM

View: This is, of course, a very bad sign for my respected brothers and sisters in journalism at The Bright One. The goal of the combined newspaper/radio station is reportedly to save $3-5 million with the buyouts. That’s a lot of jobs — 20 to 30 according to the Sun-Times, which reported that paper has 104 editorial staffers. And if the buyouts don’t prompt a sufficient exodus, layoffs will likely be in the offing.

I resisted numerous buyout offers when I was at the Tribune until finally, in early 2021, the offer was too good and the new owners — Alden Global Capital — were too scary to resist leaving. I’ve since told many people that I haven’t regretted that decision for a moment, and that I’m happier now doing this little publication than I ever was writing my column — and I was really happy doing that.

But I was nearing retirement age anyway, my kids were through college, the house and cars were paid for. I had the luxury of taking the chance that things would work out. Most people don’t have that luxury, and facing the decision to stay or go can be mighty scary.

I feel for all of them in the newsroom at the Sun-Times, which is reportedly running a $12 million annual operating deficit, and I fear for a city whose civic health depends on strong newspapers.

The newsroom union posted to social media:

Our union is frustrated that our organization's management did not secure more revenue in the past three years to avoid staffing cuts and secure our sustainability. While we understand this move is meant to cut long-term costs, it's harder to swallow knowing the exorbitant executive salaries and bonuses we've seen Chicago Public Media shell out in the past few years. … We … urge CPM to find savings in areas other than labor so that our newsrooms can continue serving Chicago. We need all hands on deck to produce the quality print, digital, audio and visual reporting that has made the Chicago Sun-Times and WBEZ the institutions that they are.

News: Loathsome white nationalist troll Nick Fuentes is facing misdemeanor battery charges for allegedly pepper spraying and shoving a woman down the front steps. She had come to his Berwyn home in December to confront him about a post of his on social media.

View: My contempt for Fuentes is comprehensive, His anti-abortion post that promoted the alleged victim in this case to visit his front porch with a cellphone camera rolling — “Your body, my choice” — is disgusting. But I continue to maintain that homes should be out of bounds for protests of any kind. Hassle Fuentes at his public appearances if you must and if you think it will do some good (it won’t), but leave him be at home. Those who claim the right to make life unpleasant at home for people with whom they disagree had better be prepared for home visits from those who disagree with them.

We don’t want that.

Not to excuse Fuentes for attacking this woman, if that’s what he did. He should have called the cops and slammed the door. But her visit alone was an assault of sorts. She and protesters of all sorts everywhere need to rethink their tactics.

News: Elon Musk says no, he wasn’t giving a Nazi salute at a post-inauguration speech

View: Who knows what was in the mind of this deeply weird man when he raised his arm stiffly with the palm down, a gesture that many — including Nazi sympathizers — saw as a shout-out to the worse elements of Trump’s base?

His apologists quickly posted online photos of several Democrats and liberals in similar arm-extended poses, though the still images lacked context, and those people weren’t enthusiastic backers of Germany’s far-right, Nazi-adjacent AfD party. Musk knew that his meddling in German politics had raised suspicions about his leanings, so let’s just say it was beyond strange if he didn’t know to be very careful not to make gestures that could be interpreted as pro-fascist.

News: ‘Trump mused Tuesday that the Los Angeles wildfires would give Republicans leverage with Democrats over budget negotiations, because Los Angeles is “going to need a lot of money. And generally speaking, I think you’ll find that a lot of Democrats are going to be asking for help.”’ (AP)

View: Oh, man, is this going to be a long four years. Extorting a disaster-ravaged region for political gain? The worst person in the world is once again our president.

News: Users all over are posting such notices on their Facebook wall as “I hereby declare that I do not give my permission for Facebook or Meta to use any of my personal data” and “With this statement, I notify Facebook that it is strictly prohibited to disclose, copy, distribute, or take any other action against me based on this profile and or its contents.”

View: Sigh. Advisories to write such sword-rattling threats to Meta to stave off privacy invasions are hoaxes, people! I’m stunned and saddened by the number of smart people who continue to fall for them.

Yet another plea for everyone to stop saying Trump won a ‘mandate’ from voters

An editorial in the Tribune this week called for the amplification of “moderate, commonsense voices,” but undermined that plea with the claim that voters “gave Trump a democratically obtained mandate (arguably, they did) for most of the things he had talked about on the campaign trail.”

Arguably, they did not.

The Trib should look at the national vote totals — 49.9% for Trump, 48.4% for Harris, a 1.5 point difference. Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson’s 2023 victory was nearly three times greater — 4.4 points — yet the editorial board never referred to him having a mandate, just as it did not use that word for Joe Biden’s 4.5 point victory over Trump in 2020.

They should also consult their own newspaper this week:

A poll finds that despite his claims of an “unprecedented and powerful mandate,” the incoming Republican president lacks broad support for some of his top priorities.

This is at least the second time, the unsigned voice of the Trib has used the M word to describe Trump’s narrow victory, not even counting the triumphant claim that the November election was “a wholesale rejection of (liberal elites’) dominant value system.”

Editorial page editor Chris Jones replied to my request for comment:

We said "arguably." Given that he won all seven swing states, made big inroads with Black and Hispanic voters, shifted all 50 states toward the Republicans and won the popular vote, that argument certainly can be made. I imagine, and understand why, you'll spend the next four years arguing otherwise.

I hope not to have to.

A “mandate” is more than just a victory, more than permission to govern. The word implies a strong and undeniable endorsement from the voters to act in a certain way. Ronald Reagan in 1984, for example, had a mandate when he won 58% of the popular vote. Richard Nixon (1972) and Lyndon Johnson (1964) earned mandates with 61% of the popular vote.

I get why Trump wants to use such a term to justify everything he wants to do now that he’s back in office, but I don’t get why members of the media play along or even say that the narrow approval of a plurality of voters “arguably” signals a mandate.

That misuse of the term fuels exactly the sort of arrogant overreach we’re seeing in Trump’s first week in office and makes it harder for the “moderate, commonsense voices” to rise above the din.

That’s So Brandon!

Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s mayor

‘Taxpayers deserve to know just how much governments fattened themselves on federal COVID-19 money’

City Council members tried to get to the bottom of the question during the dramatic battle to hammer out a budget for the city of Chicago last month. … Ald. Anthony Beale, 9th, and Ald. Brendan Reilly, 42nd, led more than a dozen others in requesting that (Mayor Brandon) Johnson provide a department-by-department accounting of city spending from before the pandemic until now. Head counts, salary ranges, job descriptions: They wanted it all.

Johnson never did answer their questions, and he still needs to do so. (David Greising in a Tribune op-ed)

‘Johnson blasted for failing to deliver on environmental promises’

Mayor Brandon Johnson has failed to deliver on promised reforms following a federal civil rights investigation that found the city’s practice of placing polluters in low-income communities of color is discriminatory, three groups that brought the complaint said Wednesday.

Despite promising to fix city policies, Johnson has made no progress in a number of areas, all requirements laid out in a binding agreement with federal officials, the South Side groups said. (Sun-Times)

Land of Linkin’

• Birthright citizenship is a good idea and President Donald Trump is either lying or ignorant when he whines,”We’re the only country in the world that does this.” In fact there are 34 nations around the globe that grant citizenship to those born on their soil.

• Just this week I learned that Garrison Keillor, now 82, has a Substack. I’m a fan of his work in general. I never have heard anywhere close to the full story of the 2017 #MeToo allegations that cost him his radio and syndicated newspaper column gigs, but he’s a great writer and interesting thinker.

• “How our 2024-25 seasonal snowfall compares with previous years.” (Tribune)

• Looking for balanced news sites? Readers have pointed me to Tangle. 1440 , The Flipside and Ground News.

• Erika Perez of City Bureau: “What Makes Day Labor so Difficult for Chicago Migrants.”

• The opening reception for "Leopold Segedin — Conflict & Confrontation," a retrospective of the celebrated Evanston painter’s time in the military, will be held Thursday from 5:30-8:30 p.m. at the National Veterans Art Museum on Chicago’s Northwest Side. Segedin died at home Jan. 7 at age 97.

• Sun-Times: “Chicago’s crypto ATMs are magnets for drug-dealing and scams on older adults.”

Squaring up the news

This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:

■ Author James Fallows singles out “the absolutely stupidest part” of Donald Trump’s inaugural address.

■ The Guardian’s Rebecca Shaw: “I knew one day I’d have to watch powerful men burn the world down—I just didn’t expect them to be such losers.”

■ Columnist Robert Reich calls for three critical steps to tame the tech plutocracy.

■ Considering President Biden’s farewell-address warning about the oligarchy’s influence over U.S. politics, Seth Meyers played a 30-year montage of Sen. Bernie Sanders saying the same thing.

■ Stephen Robinson at Public Notice: Biden “accomplished a lot—except the most important thing.”

■ Columnist and veteran Chicago and network TV journalist Jeff Kamen fears for the safety of a bishop who confronted Trump in an interfaith service at the National Cathedral: “I would make sure that she has a serious security detail around the clock.” Trump’s demanding an apology from her. Or, as Evan Hurst puts it at Wonkette: “Trump DEMANDS Insolent Bishop Lady Apologize For Being So Christlike.”

■ USA Today’s Chicago-based columnist Rex Huppke: “If you find yourself siding with the felonious billionaire over the bishop … take a good, hard look in the mirror.”

■ The Sun-Times’ Neil Steinberg: “If Trump prevails, he will create a permanent underclass. “It won’t be slavery, quite. But it will be in the ballpark.”

■ Whither award-winning ABC7 investigative reporter Chuck Goudie?

■ Knees bent: CNN’s moving to send veteran White House reporter Jim Acosta to “the Siberia of television news,” a move that columnist Oliver Darcy, who broke the story, says would “work to curry favor with Donald Trump, who very much despises the CNN anchor.”

■ Wired: “Broadcast TV is dying. Trump is threatening it anyway.”

■ Endangered species: The local TV weathercaster.

■ Cartoonist, author and screenwriter Jules Feiffer, dead at 95, illustrated one of your Chicago Public Square columnist’s favorite books ever (2013 link).

You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.

In case you, too, are counting the days until Trump will be out of office …

This presumes Trump will serve out his entire second term and doesn’t engineer some sort of workaround to the stark language of the 22nd Amendment: “No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice.”

It also presumes that whoever is sworn in on Jan. 20, 2029 will not be as comprehensively awful a human being as Trump, which is not necessarily a safe presumption.

Instead of an advent calendar, should we make an exit calendar? We could put a face of a convicted but pardoned J6 rioter behind each date and still have some left over.

Johanna reminds me that we should never wish time away. And there is much wisdom in that. But it is tempting in this case.

Resource: Calculator.net’s duration calculator.

Minced Words

Cate Plys, Austin Berg, and I joined host John Williams on this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” podcast. In our discussion of President Donald Trump’s executive order attempting to put an end to birthright citizenship, Austin referred to “Can Birthright Citizenship Be Repealed by Executive Order?” an article in The National Review that delves deep into the legal history and sounds a strong note of skepticism. We also discussed presidential pardon powers, immigration raids and the controversial art installation at the Chicago Cultural Center.

Recommendations

In the “Red light, yellow light, green light” segment of the podcast, Cate gave a green light — go watch it! — to season two of “Severance” on Apple TV+. Austin green-lit the movie “The Brutalist” and the documentary “Soundtrack to a Coup d’Etat.” John gave a green light to “American Primeval” on Netflix and a yellow light (proceed with caution) to Dave Chappelle’s monologue at the top of “Saturday Night Live” last weekend. I gave a yellow light to the series “Jury Duty” on Amazon Prime (since I liked it but Johanna didn’t) and a green light to “Still,” a powerful Netflix documentary about the career and serious health challenges of actor Michael J. Fox.

Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.

Read the background bios of some regular panelists here.

Quotables

A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

The resistance is teetering and, maybe even more terminally, totally embarrassed. How mortifying, to have invested time and emotional energy in marches and phone calls and angry memes and John Oliver monologues and coffee mugs featuring Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s ruffly lace collar—and then America elected the same asshole all over again. It did not matter that we strenuously dissented. It did not matter that we, nevertheless, persisted. … (Trump) is no longer a weather event. He is the climate we now live in— Dan Kois

(Trump) has expanded his base while running the most extreme presidential campaign since the advent of the Civil War. Far from ending “American carnage,” Trump is now promising to visit it upon his many imagined enemies. — Alex Shephard

(Trump) promised to tell his cabinet members to bring down inflation (it peaked in 2022 and is now close to the Fed’s target of 2%), bring back manufacturing (the Biden administration brought more than 700,000 new manufacturing jobs to the U.S.), end investments in green energy (which has attracted significant private investment, especially in Republican-dominated states), and make foreign countries fund the U.S. government through tariffs (which are, in fact, paid by American consumers). — Heather Cox Richardson

If we are to have another contest in the near future of our national existence I predict that the dividing line will not be (between) Mason and Dixon . . . but between patriotism and intelligence on the one side, and superstition, ambition and ignorance on the other. — Ulysses S. Grant

If someone asking a powerful person to show kindness to those without power offends your Christianity, your Christianity would offend Jesus. — Betty Bowers

If anyone is playing Orwellian bingo at home, this is the part in “Animal Farm” where the pigs change the rules and act like they have always been that way. — Barlow Adams

A blind spot of the “democracy dies in darkness” journalism school ethos is that it doesn’t have an answer for authoritarians whose transparency is their prime asset. The Woodward/Bernstein ideal doesn’t consider if Nixon had said, “Yeah I did it. So what?” — James Line

A year from now, when groceries don't cost less and gas doesn't cost less, we're going to remind you all that you traded the lives and dignity of your wives, daughters, sisters and mothers for the promise of cheaper goods that you're not going to get. Then we're going to remind you that we have always known it was never about the economy. We see you. We've always seen you. We've always known what it is about. — Unknown

Mary Schmich: If your mother says she loves you …

I bring at least a slight wariness to everything I read.

I'm acutely wary of anything I read on social media and would never share it without checking it out. I'm always asking: Where did this so-called fact come from? Who actually wrote that chain-letter-style opinion or warning I see posted everywhere?

Tuesday, when I saw lots of Facebook friends posting that they'd been forced to follow the new president, the first thing I did was to see if that had happened to me. It hadn't. (If it had, I admit, I would have been creeped out.)

The second thing I did was to see if I could find reliable news stories about this phenomenon. And there were a few, like one from the Associated Press saying that indeed this was happening. It also offered an explanation not as dark as what some people imagine:

Meta spokesman Andy Stone said in a Threads post that the official POTUS and White House accounts are managed by the White House and “change when the occupant of the White House changes.”

The same goes for accounts for the U.S. vice president and first lady.

After the new president is sworn in, the Facebook and Instagram accounts of the previous administration are archived and the posts, as well as followers, are preserved. These followers are then transferred to the new official accounts.

Now, I bring some skepticism to that explanation. But it doesn't sound completely wacky, and I appreciate that the "mainstream media" have gone at least that extra step in trying to explain what's going on.

Nobody's got time to deeply research everything they read. But when we stumble on something that outrages us, it's worth a quick Google to see what news sources--the ones that depend on reporting--are saying.

Facebook has its charms. But it ain't where to go for facts you can rely on. It never has been.

Chicago reporters legendarily know the adage, "If your mother says she loves you, check it out." I'm always reminding myself to apply that standard to social media: Before you believe or post, check it out.

Flashback to my new-decade resolutions

A listener to John Williams’ midday show on WGN-AM 720 spoke highly of my 2018 column “My 14-point plan to be a good old man,” published on the occasion of my 60th birthday. So I’ve decided to post a portion of that piece:

This aging thing stops right here, right now … I don’t mean cosmetically, sartorially or even, necessarily, physically. The body wears down. That’s nature’s way. I’m not going to become one of those spry seniors who competes in triathlons, takes fistfuls of vitamins, dresses like a college kid and hires plastic surgeons to smooth over the ravages of time.

I’ll try to keep active, healthy and neat, of course. But mostly I’m talking here about putting a stop to the emotional process of aging — to the hardening and narrowing of thought, the skepticism and technophobia, the world-weariness and complacency that often seem to afflict people as they get older.

So I’ve assembled a list of what I’m calling new-decade resolutions — a set of 14 rules to try to live by so as not to become a certifiable codger.

1. Limit organ recitals. The term “organ recital,” one of my father’s favorites, refers to a long explanation of or conversation about aches and ailments, particularly of the chronic variety. Our maladies preoccupy us, naturally, but they tend to bore others and can come to define us if we’re not careful. Unless circumstances are dire, the proper answer to “How are you?” is “Fine, thanks. You?”

2. Honor the creativity and idealism of youth. Yes, the whippersnappers are often naive and presumptuous with their half-baked and impractical notions. The box outside of which they’re thinking is there for a reason. But innovation and progress usually come from minds flexible enough to challenge tradition and bold enough to question authority. Help shape new ideas rather than spit on them.

3. Stay curious. My father, referenced above (now 93), is my role model for many of these resolutions, but particularly this one. He still reads a lot, asks a lot of questions and listens well. Genuine curiosity — about current events, business, sports, the lives of others and so on — animates conversations. An adage often attributed to Dale Carnegie says, “to be interesting, be interested.” It’s true at every age, but particularly at an advanced age when more of your time is spent talking than doing and the risk of being boring to others increases.

4. Don’t fight the wisdom of those who love you. They won’t take your car keys from you, make you wear medical-alert devices or move you into assisted living on a whim.

5. Keep your mind open. This means engaging with other points of view about politics and social issues, and entertaining the idea — I know it’s crazy, but stay with me on this — that maybe you’re not absolutely right about absolutely everything. Don’t be like those who confuse rigidity with having strong principles.

6. Remember to smile. It will brighten your aspect and your voice, and serve as a corrective to the inevitable facial droop.

7. Embrace technology. Nearly every new electronic gadget is designed to be easy to use, and there’s no excuse for adults with adequate senses and faculties to plead confusion or helplessness at the opportunity to access devices and applications that can make life better.

8. Give pop culture a chance. Sure, a lot of it is ephemeral crap that deserves critical scorn, but that’s nothing new. If you’re my age, you came of age in the 1970s when the fashions, music and TV were appalling in retrospect. Today’s styles and entertainments have much more to offer, and they provide access points in conversations across generational divides.

9. Practice deaccession. Deaccessing is my dad’s favorite term for discarding and donating the accumulated household stuff you don’t need anymore and that your heirs aren’t going to want to deal with after you’re gone.

10. Don’t eat like you’re still 25. You’ll live longer and feel better.

11. Keep moving. Bum joints and weakening bones can contribute to the temptation to stay home and say no to opportunities and adventures. Whenever possible, power through. Atrophied bodies lead to atrophied minds.

12. Cultivate hobbies. They’re good for the brain and they can widen your social circle with like-minded people. Don’t think of making friends, think of finding them.

13. Get good hearing aids. When the time comes, do everyone a favor, set aside your vanity and give your ears the boost they’re going to need to keep you connected.

14. Don’t hide — or hide behind — your age. It’s at least partially a state of mind. Even as the years drag you down, don’t let them define you. Be grateful for, not resentful of, the number of days you have been granted.

Mind blown: ‘Emoticon’ and ‘emoji’ do not have the same root

From Dictionary.com:

Despite their similarity in form and meaning, the words are not etymologically related: emoticon comes from a combination of the words emotion and icon, while emoji comes from a Japanese term meaning “pictograph,” from e, “picture, drawing,” and moji, “(written) character, letter.”

I had long thought that “emotion” was the root of both terms, which the site defines:

An emoticon is a sequence of keyboard characters used to illustrate a facial expression (or to render some kind of picture or symbol), such as : ) for a smile, : ( for a frown, XD for a laughing face, or O_O for surprise. An emoji is a small image used alongside or in place of text. Many depict facial expressions (such as 🙂 and 🙁), but there are many, many other kinds (such as 👍, 💙, and 🐈).

Emoji have all but totally taken the place of emoticons in the messages I exchange. I can’t remember the last time I saw someone use : ).

Quips

In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor. Subscribers vote for their favorite, and I post the winner here every Thursday:

The new nominees for Quip of the Week:

1. Customer: Your darkest roast, please. Barista; It looks like Helen Keller tried to cut your hair with a knife and fork. — @RiotGrlErin

2. [30 seconds into a jazz song] OMG , I think I really like jazz! [30 seconds later] All right, enough of this. — @DaddyJew

3. I tried to do better. Do not recommend. —@wildethingy

4. Have you ever stopped to consider how low grasshoppers are on the food chain? No, you haven't. That's because you think only of yourself. — @signalborder

5. If your girl is always telling you, “Terrain! Terrain! Pull up!” That's not your girl. That's the ground proximity warning system. — @PhrygianWeaver

6. Turns out handing my wife a questionnaire about her day didn't shorten the conversation at all! — @wildethingy

7. I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum. — @karanbirtinna

8. My dentist says Kool Aid is just as good as Listerine! #FifthDentist. —@KnoBrain3r

9. I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool. — @Tbone7219

10. I love the look on people's faces as they stand freezing at the bus stop while I drive past them. It's partly why I became a bus driver. — @NicolaJSwinney

Vote here and check the current results in the poll.

For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Why the new name for this feature? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.”

Good Sports

Can the Unrivaled women’s basketball league thrive without geographical rooting interest?

The Unrivaled three-on-three women’s basketball league tipped off its nine-week season last weekend. Six teams featuring some of the WNBA’s top stars will square off in Miami on a shortened court in televised matches on TNT, truTV and Max.

The teams are Laces BC, Lunar Owls BC, Mist BC, Phantom BC, Rose BC and Vinyl BC, the BC standing for “Basketball Club,” an affectation meant to recall the FCs — Football Clubs — in soccer. They have no geographical identity.

For example, Rose BC, the only team featuring a Chicago Sky player — Angel Reese — also has on its six-woman roster players from the Phoenix Mercury, the Las Vegas Aces, the Washington Mystics, the Los Angeles Sparks and the Indiana Fever (but not, alas, Caitlin Clark, who is not playing in the league).

I watched a few minutes of the opening set of games, and the quality of play was good — made me think that the pro basketball game could be improved by making the games four-on-four rather than five-on-five. But I found that I couldn’t really care which team won. It felt like a pick-up game in which teams had no particular identities except their weird names. Vinyl? My interest quickly waned.

I can’t think of any team sports that capture the interest of American fans in which the teams aren’t associated with certain cities, states or schools. Teams need a home — they can’t all be from Miami. Do correct me if I’m wrong.

My prediction: Despite all the gung-ho in this FAQ story, Unrivaled will be Unsuccessful. I give the league three seasons at most for the novelty to wear off.

DePaul is most welcome for the inspiration

Last Thursday, I wrote about DePaul’s epic futility in the Big East conference — 39 straight regular season losses — and suggested the athletic department self-relegate down to a less competitive conference.

Friday, then, the Blue Demons broke that streak with a 73-68 conference victory over Georgetown, just one day before the streak would have reached the two-year mark. I can only assume that a printout of my commentary was tacked to the DePaul locker room bulletin board in order to inspire the players.

“Are we gonna take that from the Picayune Sentinel? Hell no!”

Tune of the Week

The recent death at 87 of Garth Hudson, the last surviving original member of The Band, prompts me to post that influential group’s most popular song, “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down.”

It was written by band member Robbie Robertson in the voice of a poor white southerner at the end of the Civil War:

Virgil Caine is the name, and I served on the Danville train
Till Stoneman's cavalry came and tore up the tracks again
In the winter of '65, we were hungry, just barely alive
By May the tenth, Richmond had fell, it's a time I remember, oh so well

Wikipedia quotes Rolling Stone critic Ralph J. Gleason writing in 1969, the year the song was released:

Nothing I have read … has brought home the overwhelming human sense of history that this song does. The only thing I can relate it to at all is “The Red Badge of Courage”. It's a remarkable song, the rhythmic structure, the voice of Levon and the bass line with the drum accents and then the heavy close harmony of Levon, Richard and Rick in the theme, make it seem impossible that this isn't some traditional material handed down from father to son straight from that winter of 1865 to today. It has that ring of truth and the whole aura of authenticity.

The original group broke up in 1976, 49 years ago.

I’ve been opening up Tune of the Week nominations in an effort to bring some newer sounds to the mix. I’m asking readers to use the comments area for paid subscribers or to email me to leave nominations (post-2000 releases, please!) along with YouTube links and at least a few sentences explaining why the nominated song is meaningful or delightful to you.

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Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise. Browse and search back issues here.

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