To read this issue in your browser, click on the headline above.
8-25-26
Tuesdays at 11:30 a.m. I talk with WGN-AM 720 host John Williams about what’s making news and likely to be grist for the PS mill. The WGN listen-live link is here.
Yabba-dabba do! Republican gubernatorial nominee Darren Bailey invokes Fred Flintstone when asked if humans and dinosaurs co-existed
The reelection campaign of Democratic Gov. JB Pritzker had a small group of people prance around in dinosaur costumes during Republican Day at the Illinois State Fair on Thursday. They carried signs reading “Dinosaurs Against Darren Bailey,” Pritzker’s opponent in the Nov. 3 election. The intent was to mock the curriculum at the Christian school Bailey and his wife founded that claims non-avian dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time because Genesis 1:24–31 says humans, along with all animals, were created on the same day.
Geologists and paleontologists are in agreement that T-Rex et al. died out 65 million years before humans appeared.
“I’ll simply ask (Pritzker) ‘was he there?’” Bailey responded when WGN-Ch. 9 political editor Tahman Bradley asked him about this. “Every day we’re learning wonderful things about history and the past.”
“But dinosaurs and men did not walk the earth at the same time, right?” Bradley said.
“Were you there?”
“I wasn’t there but —”
“I wasn’t there either.”
WMAY-AM Springfield talk-show host Patrick Pfingsten reported on The Illinoize, his substack, that Bailey responded to further questions about this matter with “ask Fred Flintstone.”
The cartoon Flintstones lived side by side with dinosaurs.
Most scholars — nay, all scholars — do not consider “The Flintstones” to be historically accurate.
So har-dee-har.
But when it comes to fantastical, scientifically preposterous claims made by religious people, non-avian dinosaurs and humans coexisting isn’t in the top ten, and mocking people for faith-based beliefs that belie the rules of nature and the vast weight of research is a slippery slope.
In the name of religious tolerance, most of us are fine with allowing others to believe whatever they want about the supernatural, no matter how nutty it may sound to us. But this is true only as long as they don’t try to use the force of law to impose their conception of God’s will (or natural history) on those who don’t share their beliefs.
The moment Bailey proposes replacing evolution texts with Flintstones cartoons in public schools is the moment I’ll take this issue seriously.
Why has no breakfast cereal manufacturer come up with the equivalent of the pop-top soda can?
Those of us of a certain age — including many Picayune Sentinel readers — will remember when opening soft-drink and beer cans required an implement with a sharp triangular tip — often referred to as a church key to punch holes in the top for pouring or drinking.
The other end was used for opening bottles.
The early 1960s saw the slow introduction of the pop top pull ring —
— which often left perilously sharp scraps of litter. So in the mid-1970s manufacturers introduced the stay-on tabs still seen today. Progress. Innovation.
Yet for as long as I can remember, breakfast cereal boxes have contained plastic inner pouches that are devilishly hard to open cleanly and difficult to reseal. They’re designed to be lightweight and to keep out moisture for many months on the shelf, but not designed for consumer satisfaction.
No need to inform me that there are more important issues to discuss and that if this is my worst problem I am truly blessed. Picayune is in the masthead. All I want is for some of that engineering know-how that fixed the can problem to be focused on the cereal-bag problem.
This video is ten hours long, showing the same difficult bag opening over and over and over. I found it when locating numerous “how to open a cereal bag” videos.
Notes and comments from readers — lightly edited — along with my responses
Another reason why the parking-meter deal stinks
Jay Berglind — The Chicago Magazine article detailing the awful parking-meter deal in Chicago notes that the city gets the revenue from tickets issued to violators. But what if the city dramatically lowered the fines, essentially creating competition with the meter rates? I would guess that even if the amount were slightly higher than the meter rate, the good citizens of our fair city would rather their money go to the city rather than to foreign investors.
Zorn — Ah, but the investors are way ahead of you, darn it. Their contract when they bought the meter system restricts the city from altering fine structures or policies in a way that reduces the value or utilization of the meters, and it guarantees minimum revenue streams for the private operators.
One thing that’s not emphasized often enough in discussions of this dreadful deal is that it was the result of political cowardice. Under the old city-owned meter system, parking was grossly undervalued, yet elected officials generally refused to raise rates or invest in the sort of technology that has seen private investors reap the benefits.
Had Richard M. Daley been willing to risk some of his political capital and hiked parking fees as he went along during the first 19 years of his 22-year reign, he wouldn’t have had to sell.
Two views on DSA and the Jews
Garry Spelled Correctly — Most of the DSA are actual lunatics & just won’t stop with their insanity! Most of them also totally hate Israel, which means no matter what they or anyone else says, means they flat out hate Jews, even the Jews in the DSA like Sanders are 100% self-hating Jews!
Deni — That is such bullshit. Calling out Israel for their decades long violation of human rights and calling Bibi a war criminal does not make a person a Jew hater.
The CTU’s suit against its critics.
Joy Isbell — The defamation lawsuit filed by the Chicago Teachers Union against those who have criticized the union and made accusations related to the union’s financial practices is the equivalent of “mommy, he’s picking on me!” something you hear from children, not adults.
Marc Martinez — The CTU lawsuit is petty, vindictive, and ill considered. I hope that their action brings increased attention to Austin Berg’s work. I can’t imagine that union leadership actually believes they will bring him to heel. Unfortunately, defending even an obviously frivolous suit costs money and takes far too much time to bring to conclusion.
Zorn — Again, I’m friendly with my fellow Mincing Rascal Austin Berg, so I’m too conflicted to offer an opinion on the legal claims made in the suit against him and some of his think-tank comrades. I invite readers to check out both the suit and the columns of Berg’s that form part of the basis for their complaint.
Supermarket apps: Fie!
Richard Fenner — The prices listed in the produce section of some supermarkets are borderline fraudulent. The “coupon price” is on a sign in large bold type with a small coupon icon on one corner. The actual non-coupon price is at the bottom buried in a paragraph of text in a type size so small one has to lean over the produce bin to be able to read it. The cumulative effect for the coupon-less unwary shopper is a nasty surprise at checkout, when the inclination is to just pay up rather than negotiate with the cashier. Shameful.
Zorn — I detest having to clip “digital coupons” inside any store’s app. My sense is that cashiers hate them, too.
The makey-greaty stuff ain’t going so well
John Houck — In August 2024, at a campaign rally, then candidate Donald Trump promised the following if he were elected president:
No more wars
No more “disruptions”
Prosperity and peace for all
An end to the “inflation, mayhem, and misery” of the Biden era
To bring “peace and wealth” to Americans of every “race, religion, color, and creed”
To make America respected again
Low taxes
Low regulations
Low energy costs
Low interest rates
Low inflation
To make groceries, cars, and homes affordable
To strengthen our military
To build a missile defense “iron dome” over the country
Not only has he not done any of those things (unless you’re very wealthy), one could argue he’s done the opposite of just about all of them. And yet we still see some who stubbornly refuse to admit he’s a disaster.
Zorn — I was dismayed but not surprised by how Republican Sen. Tim Scott of South Carolina continually blamed Joe Biden for the current economy during his interview on “Meet the Press” Sunday (transcript), repeating the grossly misleading claim that more Americans are now working than ever before and the fantastical assertion that, under Trump, the U.S. has seen “over $19 trillion of investment in America to build factories.”
Here’s a New York Times news story (gift link) calling shenanigans on that lie:
Mr. Trump claimed investment numbers that increased from $17 trillion last September, to $18 trillion in December, to $21 trillion. That would amount to two-thirds of U.S. gross domestic product, and is far more than the White House ever enumerated on its website tracking the commitments.
Nevertheless, some of that investment was promised by U.S. trading partners who were looking for ways to appease the president in the face of stiff tariffs. Mr. Trump extracted about $5 trillion in commitments, over the course of up to 10 years, from the European Union, Asia and the Persian Gulf. If that money materialized, it would constitute an overwhelming influx of capital, nearly double the average rate of investment America received from 2015 through 2024.
New foreign direct investment in the United States … increased to $232 billion last year from $155 billion in 2024, reversing a three-year downward trend. The data includes foreign acquisitions of U.S. companies, as well as money foreign firms spend to establish new companies and expand existing ones. …
But … when divestments, intracompany lending and other financial flows are included, the trajectory changes: Net investment into the United States decreased slightly last year and sat below the average for the previous decade.
Why a subminimum tipped wage is equitable
Jake H. — The rationale for a lower minimum wage for tipped workers is straightforward: Tipped workers, unlike non-tipped workers, earn much of their compensation from tips. An identical wage for both — the amount one earns on an hourly or other regular basis before tips — would result in tipped workers earning more per hour overall than non-tipped workers. This is unnecessary and unfair. It’s unnecessary because the law already guarantees tipped workers a minimum total compensation, including tips equal to that of the standard minimum wage. Thus, no server could, at least legally, earn less than the minimum wage when their tips and wages were counted together. If they did end up with less, the employer is required by law to make up the difference. It’s unfair, because there’s no reason non-tipped workers should have a lower compensation guarantee than other workers just because of the way they receive their pay. Both groups should be guaranteed the same minimum. To achieve that, you would answer “yes” to the first question in the Pulse poll two weeks ago -- tipped workers’ minimum base wage before tips should be lower than others’ minimum wage.
Zorn —This reminds me of my negative reaction to the “no tax on overtime pay” provision that allows single filers to deduct up to $12,500 ($25,000 for joint filers) of their extra overtime pay (the “half” portion in time-and-a-half pay) for the 2025-2028 tax years. As with tips, income is income. Treating tips and extra overtime pay differently is pure, illogical pandering.
Ageism in the quips
Bonnie Saunders — One of the entries in the Quip of the Week contest is “My 68-year-old mother is helping my 94-year-old grandma recover from an email hack. It’s like watching a monkey play cards with a horse.”
Honestly Eric, can we do away with thinking that watching your mother helping your grandmother is something for jokes. And you think it’s funny?
Zorn — I laughed at the imagery, yes. And quite a few readers liked it, as it’s currently in third place out of 10 entries in the contest.
I doubt there are any jokes that can survive being explained, but this joke alludes to the purported technological cluelessness of seniors. As a 68-year-old myself I suppose I could have taken umbrage, or taken it on behalf of my father who died at 94 earlier this year. But he was very tech savvy, and I think he would have laughed as well.
The Pulse
(formerly Unpopular Opinions)
It seems that Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, and his wife, Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, are moving back to the United Kingdom six and a half years after they announced their intention to “step back as senior members of the royal family” and moved to Los Angeles.
My interest in this news is so slight that only highly sensitive scientific instruments could measure it. But I must be in the minority judging from all the news stories I’ve read and heard and seen about this move.
Members of the British royal family have become figureheads with no real power, and few of them have any particular talent (Meghan Markle was an actor of some accomplishment once upon a time). NewsNation reports that the public fascination with the royals has its limits:
Major corporations like Netflix, Spotify and Penguin publishers initially offered the couple huge deals – but saw very little return after their only money-making story, complaining about the royal family, had been told. Netflix, which had given them a $100 million deal, saw no success with the Sussexes after the “Harry & Meghan” docuseries. The couple’s other ideas — “Polo”, “With Love, Meghan” and “Pearl” — either bombed outright or were canceled.
Spotify shelled out $120 million for a podcast series from the two, but Harry’s ideas never made it into production, and Meghan’s “Archetypes” was so bad it went away in less than a year. Spotify boss Bill Simmons sealed their fate after calling them “effing grifters.” Meanwhile, they had a multibook deal with Penguin for which they were paid $20 million, but nothing except Harry’s tell-all memoir, “Spare,” made money and, as I reported, the publishing house is “done” with them.
The Associated Press took a stab at explaining the obsession some Americans still have with the royal family:
“The monarchy becomes a kind of Holy Grail for everyone because that is the ultimate in terms of wealth, power, glamour, charisma — all of those things which you don’t have in that boring at-home situation,” says Maria Tatar, a professor of folklore and mythology at Harvard University. …
“This supercharged celebrity news environment creates almost a reality show,” (entertainment journalist Erin) Carlson says. “It makes a reality show out of William and Kate, and Harry and Meghan and Charles and Camilla. And we become glued to our phone screens for the next morsel of gossip.”
CNN reports that nearly two-thirds of Americans are with me on this:
I’m going to ask a slightly more nuanced question for the Pulse poll:
Last week’s result
I am clearly in the minority here:
Mark K. — I land on the “corny and forced” side of the “peace be with you” ritual. I just don’t feel it makes any difference in bringing people together or fixing the world’s problems, just silly theater, and annoying if I bought tickets to see a sporting event.
Joanie Wimmer — The peace ritual forces us to realize that most complete strangers are probably wonderful people. We let down our walls of protection just briefly and get a glimpse into how wonderful the world could be if we weren’t so suspicious and chary of strangers. And if we, as a culture, could move in that direction, how wonderful it would be! Maybe the “conservatives” wouldn’t see immigrants as dangerous criminals. Maybe they wouldn’t be categorizing LGBTQ+ people as groomers. Maybe it would be a nicer culture to live in.
NewsWheel
Inspired by the WordWheel puzzle in the Monday-Friday Chicago Tribune and other papers, this puzzle asks you to identify the missing letter that will make a word or words — possibly proper nouns; reading either clockwise or counterclockwise — related to a story in the news or other current event. See the end of the newsletter for the answer and a link to a news story showing why the solution is newsy.
The week’s best visual jokes
Here are some funny visual images from the distant Picayune Plus archives in another summer reruns edition of this poll:
There’s still time to vote in the conventional Quip of the Week poll!
Thanks to paid subscribers for supporting the Picayune Sentinel. To help this publication grow, please consider spreading the word to friends, family, associates, neighbors and agreeable strangers.
Info
Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.
Contact
You can email me at ericzorn@gmail.com or by clicking here:
I read all the messages that come in, but I do most of my interacting with readers in the comments section beneath each issue.
Some of those letters I reprint and respond to in the Z-mail section of Tuesday’s Picayune Plus, which is delivered to paid subscribers and available to all readers later Tuesday. Check there for responses.
If you don’t want me to use the full name on your email or your comments, let me know how you’d like to be identified.
Social media
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ejzorn
Twitter: https://x.com/EricZorn
Threads: https://www.threads.net/@ejzorn
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ejzorn/
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ericzorn.bsky.social
Help?
If you’re having troubles with Substack — delivery, billing and so forth — first try the Substack help page. And if that doesn’t work, shoot me an email and I’ll be happy to help.
For me, the pointy side was for two things: Hawaiian Punch and V8. I remember being baffled as a kid by the need to punch two holes opposite each other to enable easy flow. Science!
I'm guessing the email at 8pm last night was a mistake since the PS wasn't available in the browser until this morning, but I enjoyed getting the sneak peek.