Predictions: How'd we do a year ago and what do we see for 2025?

Plus the Top 40 quips (formerly tweets) of the year

12-31-2024 (issue No. 174)

Only one issue this week due to the New Year’s Day holiday. May 2025 be good to all of us!

This week:

• Last week’s winning quips, plural

• How’d we do predicting the news of 2024?

• What do we predict for 2025?

• That’s so Brandon! — Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s maladroit mayor

• Z-mail — Notes and comments from readers — lightly edited — along with my responses

• Unpopular opinion? — I do not like body wash/shower gel

• The top 40 quips of 2024

• The funniest person on Twitter for 2024 is quite familiar

• Mary Schmich — On Jimmy Carter

• Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

• Quips — The winning visual jokes and this week’s contest finalists

• Good Sports — Is the three-pointer ruining the NBA?

• Tune of the Week — “Sara” by Bob Dylan

Last week’s winning quips

Shortly after the birth of Jesus, Joseph went out for a pack of cigarettes and isn't mentioned again in the Bible. — @WilliamAder

Santa has been reading your social media posts all year. Most of you are getting history and civics books. — unknown

There are two winners this week because somebody* screwed up the initial poll and the “social media” quip was entered twice while another quip was omitted. I fixed the poll after this came to my attention, but not until after several hundred votes had been cast. My regret for this error is extreme.

Here are this week’s nominees. Here is the direct link to the new poll.

*Me

How’d we do predicting the news of 2024?

One year ago, on 19 of 39 questions, readers and I were in agreement on what would happen in 2024.

We guessed correctly on the following 13 items:

• Bally’s Corp. would break ground on the large casino project at the River West site of the Tribune printing plant. (It happened in August.)

• Veteran U.S. Rep. Danny Davis would beat Chicago city Treasurer and former state Rep. Melissa Conyears-Ervin in Chicago’s 7th U.S. Congressional District in the Democratic primary. (He won 52.4% of the vote compared to her 21.3% in a crowded field.)

• Despite financial struggles, the area’s major daily newspapers— the Tribune, Sun-Times and Daily Herald — would not abandon print editions on certain days or even every day.

• Donald Trump would be the Republican nominee for president.

• 2024 would be the hottest year on record, breaking the record just set by 2023. (Alas.)

• The Republican House of Representatives would not impeach Democratic President Joe Biden, its sword-rattling notwithstanding.

• The average national price of a gallon of regular unleaded gasoline would be higher than $3 at year’s end. (Right, but just barely. It’s at $3.03.)

• The Dow Jones Industrial Average, then at about 37,500, would break 40,000 at some time during the year. (It hit that mark in May and is now nearly 43,000)

• Vladimir Putin would remain Russia’s president.

• China would not attempt to annex Taiwan.

• The Cubs would win more games than the White Sox.

• Michigan would win the college football championship.

• Simone Biles would win at least one gold medal in the Summer Olympics. (She won three.)

We were incorrect on the following six when we predicted that:

• Incumbent President Joe Biden would be the Democratic nominee for president.

• The Democratic candidate would win the race for president.

• The Democratic Party would win control of the U.S. House.

• Benjamin Netanyahu would no longer be prime minister of Israel at year’s end.

• Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce would break up.

• Either Nikki Haley (reader guess) or Keri Lake (my guess) would be the Republican vice presidential nominee. (It was JD Vance.)

We also predicted that former Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan would be convicted at his federal corruption trial, but I’m going to push that question off for next year (below) since the trial is ongoing.

Readers were right and I was wrong on eight questions when they predicted:

• Democrat Eileen O'Neill Burke would win the race for Cook County state’s attorney.

• Elon Musk would still own Twitter at the end of the year.

• Hunter Biden would be convicted of or plead guilty to some federal offenses.

• Donald Trump would be convicted of one or more felonies.

• Russia and Ukraine would not sign a peace treaty.

• The White Sox would not announce a move to Nashville or a suburban location.

• The Bears would not announce a move to Arlington Heights or other suburban location.

• The Bears would move on from Justin Fields and select a quarterback with the first pick in the NFL draft.

I was right and readers were wrong six times when I predicted:

• Third-party/independent candidates would not capture more than 3% of the 2024 presidential vote. (It was 1.46%.)

• Former 14th Ward Ald. Ed Burke would spend time in prison in 2024.

• The "Bring Chicago Home" referendum seeking to increase the real estate transfer tax on Chicago properties worth more than $1 million would fai.l (It lost by about 8 percentage points.)

• The Democrats would lose control of the U.S. Senate.

• Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh would leave for the NFL/ (He is currently coaching the San Diego Chargers.)

• Northwestern’s then-apparently resurgent football program would not win seven or more games. (They were 4-8 for the 2024 season.)

So I went 19 for 39 and readers went 21 for 39. Congratulations to the hive mind!

What do we predict for 2025?

Here are the questions I am asking in a click survey for you to fill out in the next week:

Local

Will the Chicago Teachers Union strike in 2025?

Will the Chicago Public Schools take out a loan of $100 million or more to cover costs of a new teachers contract?

Will Mayor Brandon Johnson’s approval rating exceed 20 percent in polls taken near the end of the year?

What will be the state of Bears stadium plans at year’s end?

What will be the state of White Sox stadium plans at year’s end?

Will former House Speaker Michael Madigan spend time in prison in 2025?

Will Chicago have fewer than 550 homicides in 2025? (The current number is roughly 575.)

Will any major local print publication turn some editions into digital-only in 2025?

National

Who will Time magazine name as person of the year for 2025?

Will the Dow Jones Industrial Average be higher than 40,000? (Currently at 42,573.)

The rate of inflation was 2.7% at the end of November. Will it be over 4% at the end of November 2025?

Will Elon Musk still own the social media company formerly known as Twitter?

Will the price of Bitcoin stay over $100,000?

Will the average national price of a gallon of gas be higher than $3 at year’s end? (Currently $3.03.)

Will the United States shut down TikTok or will it be sold to a company not controlled by China or another foreign adversary?

Will 2025 be the hottest year on record, breaking the record just set by 2024?

Which of these announced plans of incoming President Donald Trump will come to pass?

• He will make a serious effort to purchase or seize Greenland from Denmark.

• He will attempt to regain U.S. control of the Panama Canal.

• He will announce a fully fleshed out plan to replace the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare).

• He will make an effort to end birthright citizenship that will wind up before the U.S. Supreme Court.

• He will push through the House a plan to eliminate the annual changes between standard time and daylight saving time.

• He will eliminated taxes on tips and on overtime pay.

• His Justice Department will bring criminal charges against one or more members of the United States House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack.

• He will recover damages from The Des Moines Register and pollster Ann Selzer for the publication of a faulty pre-election poll.

• He will impose a 25% tariff on all products entering the country from Canada and Mexico, and an additional 10% tariff on goods from China.

• He will deport more than 2 million undocumented immigrants.

Which of these prospective Trump appointees will be confirmed by the U.S. Senate?

• Pete Hegseth for defense secretary

• Kash Patel for FBI director

• Tulsi Gabbard for director of national intelligence

• Robert F. Kennedy Jr. for secretary for health and human services.

International

Will Russia and Ukraine sign a peace treaty or agree to an extended cease-fire by the end of 2025?

Will Israel and Hamas sign a peace treaty or agree to an extended cease-fire by the end of 2025?

Will Benjamin Netanyahu still be prime minister of Israel at the end of 2025?

Will Vladimir Putin still be Russia’s president at the end of 2025?

Sports

The White Sox lost 121 games last season. Will they lose 110 games or more in 2025?

Which Chicago-area sports teams will have a winning record next season as of the end of 2025?

Which team will win the Super Bowl?

Will Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce still be an item at the end of December 2025?

JUST ADDED: Which team will win the college football playoff?

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE SURVEY

That’s So Brandon!

Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s mayor

Mayor Brandon Johnson’s decision to take a leave of absence from his job with the Chicago Public Schools rather than simply resign when he became mayor creates an ethical conflict in that he is now overseeing an organization that he is still an employee of.

The Tribune and Sun-Times have the details of the story that broke last week well covered. But what caught my eye was the Johnson administration’s explanation why he didn’t heed advice to resign: The mayor “did not want to leave his position so as to signal his support for education and teachers.”

Sure. Because otherwise, how would we know?

Notes and comments from readers — lightly edited — along with my responses

Biden hung on too long

Mark K. — Regarding your item “Trying and so far failing to forgive Biden for not standing down in a timely way,” Democrats should try to move on from the devastating election loss and stop the self-flagellating. It’s the"woulda, coulda, shoulda" talk that fans of losing teams engage in. It is unproductive, takes agency away from the winning side and downplays larger trends and global shifts that led to that outcome. It also takes energy away from dealing with current reality.

Trump would have beaten any candidate, Republicans swept the election up and down the ballot. Kamala Harris had enough time — her polls peaked about a month prior to the election before starting a steady slide. The world is turning to the right in general, right wing propaganda, xenophobia, anti-science, and distrust in governments are all on the rise. These are the forces that are endangering our future now and the ones we should be striving to combat, not the octogenarian who will shuffle off into history books next month.

Dr Joe OD — The biggest problem wasn’t Biden choosing to stay in the race, it was the journalists and close advisers who lied about his cognitive decline. The Picayune Sentinel shares in this deception. As a professional writer and commentator how did you not raise your hand? Honestly, you had no idea?

Marc Martinez — Eric is not a Washington insider. I don’t fault him for possibly knowing more than the rest of us. But I do think that Biden's decline was obvious from his exclusively working from a script in a notebook or on cards, his lack of press conferences, the actions of aides to guide him in public, etc. If I were EZ, I would be angry about getting snowed by the insiders, which led to his defense of Biden through those years.

Zorn — I was never part of any deception regarding Biden, and as one who is not on the ground in D.C., I wasn’t in a position to form an independent judgment of his capabilities. But after that debate disaster, I was all over it. See “Give Biden the hook” and “What everybody now knows about Joe Biden — Respectfully, he's past his sell-by date. Another candidate needs to tap in.”

Joanie Wimmer — It will be interesting to see when, during the next four years, Trump’s cognitive decline will become obvious to the masses; i.e., when Trump will have his “we finally defeated Medicare” moment.

Zorn — I love the idea of a “we finally defeated Medicare” moment, and hope it enters the lexicon. “Interesting” is certainly one word to describe the increasingly daft pronouncements of the soon-to-be most powerful man in the world.

Biden’s selective death penalty commutations

Michael Gorman — I agree that is was odd for President Biden to leave three men on federal death row while sparing the lives of the 37 others. It would have been better to have commuted all the federal death sentences out of his Catholic conviction.

David Leitschuh — If Biden's Catholicism guided his moral compass, he would be resolutely against abortion as opposed to actively promoting abortion rights. So I don't believe you can logically attribute his death sentence commutations as arising out of his religious affiliation.

Zorn – My guess is that, like so many people of faith, Biden adopts a cafeteria-style approach to doctrine. And that his support for abortion rights is more of a finger to the political winds than an actual conversion.

To clean up or not to clean up when it comes to quotes

Jim Strickler — You asked readers last week whether the syndicated “Asking Eric” columnist should have cleaned up the question from the reader that used the expressions “Older than her” and “Same age as her” when, you said, the grammatically proper pronoun was “she.”

But according to Merriam-Webster, both "older than her" and "older than she is" are correct. The reason is that "than" can be either a subordinating conjunction or a preposition.

Zorn — I ain’t buying Merriam-Webster’s argument, though I concede the meaning is clear either way. The general question about editing quotes, letters etc. was a close vote:

908 votes

I edit Z-mail for clarity — I added the description and the link to the first part of Jim’s letter above, for instance, so readers would know and be able to review what he was responding to. I fix typos and do some other fiddling always with an eye toward clarity and better presenting the point of view. Not all readers approve:

Don "Crash" Battaglia — I voted against cleaning up comments from readers, but for a different reason than simply being too "fussy." How a person communicates gives insight to that person beyond the message they are trying to convey, which in turn informs how much weight should be given to the message itself. It would be unthinkable to alter a message to make the commentator appear less intelligent or articulate, so why should it be OK to do the opposite? Any such meddling does the reader a disservice and takes away a valuable tool in assessing how much credibility should be given to the comment.

Michael M. — Publications can clean up quotes and letters per their style guide. That said, it makes the letter look more genuine in an advice column like “Asking Eric” when it is published as is.

Zorn and I suspect most of the Picayune Sentinel audience are devout prescriptivists. But there is a growing movement among younger people that argues that correcting grammar and spelling, especially when the meaning is still clear, is elitist, classist, racist... all the ists.

Zorn — I’m not such a sticklerist that I recoil from deviations of standard grammar. Good communication is the key, and there are plenty of times when breaking a “rule” enhances the flavor and power of an expression. But I do think it pays to know what those rules are and to be aware of when you’re breaking them — or, in the case of “older than her,” edging close to the boundary of acceptable.

When I taught introductory journalistic writing at Northwestern University in the 1980s, I always told my students they were free to break any “rule” of English usage they wanted to, but I asked that they flag such intentional uses on their papers so I knew they had the necessary command to code-switch as necessary.

Unpopular opinion? I do not like body wash/shower gel

I’m considering starting a new occasional feature here in which I ask readers to submit and defend an opinion of theirs that they believe to be unpopular. Then I’ll ask readers to vote on it, perhaps with the inclusion of a dissenting view.

I’ll go first: I vastly prefer a bar of soap to the now-ubiquitous “body wash” liquid soap or shower gels found in hotels and often in guest bathrooms. It’s sloppier than bar soap and harder to administer. Johanna argues that it’s less wasteful than bar soap and more environmentally friendly because hotels offer it in large, refillable dispensers and bar soap leaves all of us with useless slivers.

Consumer Reports says:

Body washes tend to have more moisturizing ingredients … but if you just need to get clean or prefer a squeaky clean feeling after you shower, a traditional bar soap or shower gel can be what you need. …

Just remember that depending on how they are formulated, traditional bar soaps and shower gels can sometimes strip skin of its natural moisture compared with body washes. … Bar soap is the greenest option because it can be packaged with recyclable paper … Shower gels and body wash, on the other hand, can be less environmentally friendly because they typically come in plastic packaging.

Put your unpopular (?) opinion in comments where others can offer dissenting views. If we get some good ones, look for this occasionally in the Picayune Plus.

The top 40 quips of 2024

These are my favorites, some of which did very poorly the weekly poll

1. When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, I realize that they didn’t care either. — @Mariana057

2. *First day of pilot school* Teacher: Did you read the class description wrong? Me: No, why do you ask? The parrot on my shoulder: No, why do you ask? —@ACartoonCat.

3. The doctor says, “Don’t worry, Michael. Everything is going to be OK.” Patient says, “I’m not Michael.” Doctor says, “I know. I am.” — From WGN host John Williams’ best jokes of 2023

4. I’m working on personal growth by asking more questions this year, like, “How is this my problem?” and “Where do you get the nerve?” — @adamgreattweet

5. Ultimately, I'm not sure what marriage signifies, if anything. Legally I guess it means something, for wills or whatever. But “spiritually?” It's just some words, a ritual, no more or less sacred than a high five after a touchdown. But I digress. You may now kiss the bride. — @kipconlon

6. I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, and I’ve been through the desert on a horse named Dave, and, honestly, there’s no difference. — @PopeAwesomeXIII

7. Customer: “I’d like to lodge a complaint.” Me: “Well. OK, let’s see if we can lodge it sideways up your ass.” And I never worked retail again — @neenertothe3

8. Me, first day as a bus driver: What are the wheels supposed to be doing again? — @benedictsred

9. I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying "Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here." — @GraniteDhuine

10. Jerk chicken is like regular chicken except it takes the last donut at work and calls everyone “chief.” — @BobTheSuit

11. Podcasts are like babies, they're too easy to create and not everyone should have one. — @marknorm

12. They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now. — @Ruth_A_Buzzi

13. Another day another dollar. … World's slowest counterfeiter. — @OFalafel

14. “Oh. Wow. Oh. Jeez. We didn’t think everyone was gonna bring a bag!” … Airlines — @DanWilbur

15. There are so many tornados in Ohio that the state bird is lawn furniture. — @BobGolen

16. “Bake me a cake as fast as you can” is an unhinged thing to say to someone. — @carpeangela

17. There’s no “borrowing” among friends. If my pal needs a few bucks to see him through the end of the month, I simply end the friendship. — @kipconlon

18. Writer: What is the most dalmatians you can imagine? Disney exec: I dunno. One hundred? Writer: Well get ready to have your fucking mind blown. — @TheAndrewNadeau

19. Sexy singles in your area want you to move to a different area. — @nayele18maybe

20. Kicked out of IKEA for scaring people by spinning around in the office chairs exclaiming, "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!" — @BrickMahoney

21. "Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?" I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed. — @JohnLyonTweets

22. If I say, "Wow! Sounds great, pencil me in," you'd better have an eraser. — @RunOldMan

23. Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study feng shui and blame the furniture. — @DianaG2772

24. Dentist: "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen." Patient: "I heard you the first time. You didn't have to say it twice." Dentist: "I didn't. That was my echo." — @dadgivesjokes

25. If you send me all of your old home movies on VHS tape, I will transfer them to a landfill and free you from the prison of your past. — @citizenkawala

26. I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters. — @ThePunnyWorld

27. Your stomach believes all potatoes are mashed. — @poutinesmoothie

28. I don't usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I've said it, late at night, for the rest of my life. — Unknown

29. Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house. — @GraniteDhuine

30. I asked my Grandma which walker she preferred to use. She said Johnnie. — @Dadsaysjokes

31. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to think of reasonable sounding ways to blame other people for things I could totally change but consistently don’t. — @aliterative

32. My 6-year-old has recently discovered the concept of “opposite day,” and in keeping with the theme, let me just say I love it. It's a lot of fun. — @HenpeckedHal

33. I asked the waiter how he was doing, and he told me all about his bad gas and hemorrhoids. Ugh, that's the last time I go to TMI Friday's. — @Writepop

34. Acme had a pretty awesome product line, but ultimately couldn't overcome the liability issues. — @scott_towel

35. We're only a short time away from being arrested for crimes we haven't yet committed based solely on an analysis of our Google search history. Or at least I am. — @wildethingy

36. Pro tip: Turn any sofa into a sofa bed by telling your partner to calm down. — @dexteristwisted

37. When I say “I hate drama,” I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan. — @chabcharu

38. Interviewer: Why did you bring a lawyer to a job interview? My lawyer: You don't have to answer that. — @Swan_Corleone2

39. Her voice was as silky as silken tofu. but her words were as firm as extra firm tofu. — @prawn_meat

40. Do you think the Wise Men ever hung out again, having beers like, “Haha, remember when we saw that baby?” — @carterhambley

The funniest person on Twitter for 2024

The writer who appeared most often on the list of finalists and earned the coveted title of Funniest Person on Twitter 2024 was also the 2023 and 2019 winner — a Glasgow, Scotland, resident who goes by @Wildethingy but otherwise prefers to remain anonymous. This account also posts to BlueSky.

@Wildethingy avatar

Previous winners of the funniest person on Twitter

• 2023 @wildethingy

• 2022 @RickAaron

• 2021 @RickAaron

• 2020 @WilliamAder

• 2019 @wildethingy

• 2018 @TheAndrewNadeau

• 2017 @AmishPornStar1

• 2016 @SamGrittner

• 2015 @Home_Halfway (no longer on Twitter)

• 2014 @Longwall26

Mary Schmich: Thank you, Jimmy

My former colleague Mary Schmich posts occasional column-like entries on Facebook. Here, reprinted with her permission, is a recent offering

I wrote about Jimmy Carter several times. This is the Chicago Tribune column I wrote a decade ago:

A few years after Jimmy Carter left the White House, I went to interview him at his cabin on Turniptown Creek in the mountains of north Georgia.

I found him standing alone on the wooden porch, a thin, white-haired man, smaller than I’d expected. He was smiling. And he was barefoot.

I couldn’t help myself. I stared. At his feet.

This was Jimmy Carter. President Jimmy Carter. Even if we were there to talk about his new fly-fishing book, didn’t he want to look like a man of power, which generally requires shoes?

He patted the wet socks on the porch railing to see if they were dry — nope — then settled into a rocking chair to talk, not as a man of power but as a man at peace.

That afternoon on the porch, I was struck by Carter’s ease, and not only with his bare feet. One sentence, in particular, stayed with me.

“I have an easy way of accommodating the vicissitudes of life,” he said.

On Thursday, at the age of 90, Carter displayed that ease when he met the media to say that cancer had spread to his brain.

He sat alone at a long table in the same way he’d sat on his cabin porch, without fidgeting, smiling, happy to talk.

For almost 40 minutes, he answered reporters’ questions as if he had no one better to talk to, nowhere else to go, when, in reality, he was headed for radiation treatment.

“I’m perfectly at ease with whatever comes,” he said, a statement that within a couple of hours had become a popular Internet meme.

Mellow people don’t get elected president, so it would be wrong to cast Carter as mellow. But over and over, decade after decade, culminating in Thursday’s press conference, he has shown himself to possess characteristics we wish for in our leaders and too seldom see.

Generosity. Conviction tempered by humility. A humility that doesn’t negate pride. An understanding that people with power have an obligation to help people without it. A clarity of vision that translates as ease.

You might call it goodness.

We could argue over whether Carter was a good president, but one thing is hard to dispute: He is a good man.

Not perfect. Good. It’s goodness built not on words but on action. He has used his name and influence all over the world, to build houses for the poor, to create fair elections, to stand up for the rights of women.

His great last wish?

“I’d like for the last Guinea worm to die before I do,” he said Thursday, becoming no doubt the first politician ever to announce that his dying wish is the eradication of a parasitic disease.

In his long public life, Carter has been both ridiculed and revered, but as he gets closer to the end, the reverence grows.

He has become like a national grandfather, the elder whose waning makes us take stock of where we’ve been, where we’re headed, what we’ll lose when the old man goes.

What we’ll lose is the rare politician who has so fully lived the ideals he preached.

A couple of years after I talked to Carter on his porch, I went to Plains, Ga., to do a story on how his tiny hometown, after a brief stint as a huge tourist attraction, had resumed its sleepy life.

In the window of his cousin Hugh Carter’s antiques store — full of dusty Jimmy Carter postcards and old Jimmy Carter fly swatters — was a small sign: “Pres. Jimmy Carter will teach the Sunday school lesson this week at Maranatha Baptist Church. You are invited. 10 a.m.”

I went to the little church that Sunday and sat on one of the folding chairs with about 60 other people.

“How many of you have heard me teach before?” Carter asked.

Only a dozen or so hands went up.

“That’s the problem,” he said. “People hear me teach once and they don’t come back.”

He grinned. They laughed. For the next hour, he talked about religious pluralism, eternal life and the importance of contributing to the public good.

More than any living president, Jimmy Carter summons us to contribute to the larger good. He helps us see the best in who we are as a country and who we might be. He helps us feel a little easier about ourselves and a little uneasier too. He reminds us there’s so much more to do. — Mary Schmich

Quotables

I would hope for the holidays you would take a break from your duplicitousness and dishonesty, though I know from covering you and speaking with many of your delegates that it is core to your messaging strategy and has worked in bargaining. Happy holidays. — Fox 32 political reporter Paris Schutz to the Chicago Teachers Union

The two oldest living presidents are now the incumbent president and the president elect. — @ElunedAnderson

Remember having mumps? Me neither. Vaccines work. — Neil Stone

When I look at Jimmy Carter, I see a man not only for our times, but for all times. A man who embodied the most fundamental human values we can never let slip away. And while we may never see his likes again, we would all do well to try to be a little more like Jimmy Carter. — Joe Biden

The Bears’ loss to the Seahawks on Thursday night, a 6-3 assault on the senses, was unwatchable. I wouldn’t be surprised if Amazon Prime announcer Al Michaels renounced his belief in miracles after the game. — Rick Morrissey

If news outlets write eight-figure checks to get rid of defensible cases out of fear of harming (The 1964 U.S. Supreme Court ruling in New York Times v.) Sullivan, then what good is Sullivan anyway? — Seth Stern

Quips

The new nominees for Quip of the Week:

1. I don’t think I want a new year this time around, I want a gently used year like a 2015 or maybe a 1998 if it’s in good shape — @thisone0verhere

2. I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money. — @Dadsaysjokes

3. Lucky for me, I don't have enough friends for an intervention. — @tankcesar

4. Me: Be kind, everyone is fighting their own battles Also me: Nice turn signal, fuckface. — @dumbbeezie.bsky.social

5. I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer. … me whenever my phone rings. — @_NatalieWould

6. Gonna start ending every insult with “but in a good way” — @Heatinblack

7. The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you. — @LittleMissLizz

8. But if I put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job. — @cellapaz

9. Normalize “please respond or I’ll think you’re mad at me” as an email signature. — @KatieDeal99

10. I met a woman at a party the other night who told me when people piss her off she would buy a domain name of their name and make the website just a picture of a potato. And every few months she would change it to a different picture of a potato. — @pagan_hoetry

Vote here and check the current results in the poll.

For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Why the new name for this feature? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.”

Good Sports

In July, Substacker Freddie DeBoer posted “Fuck the Modern NBA,” a satisfying rant:

I just hate watching the modern NBA, where teams have made the correct tactical decision to just launch and launch and launch three-pointers and in so doing made the project frequently unwatchable. A three-heavy offense is inherently a decision to trade shooting percentage for overall efficiency; coaches and GMs expect misses, even welcome misses, so long as the team is constantly shooting from behind the line. Again, to be clear, I’m not doubting that this is a good strategy. I am doubting that it’s any fun to watch. Missed shots are a big part of the game, but there’s something uniquely dispiriting about watching missed three after missed three after missed three. And every indication is that teams are simply going to double down more and more on the longball, chucking and chucking and chucking their way to victory.

Friday, he posted a follow-up, “For Me, the Lack of Individual Creativity and Shot Creation in the Half Court is the Real Problem with the NBA,” in which he pointed out that “earlier this month, a game tied the record for most combined three pointers at 44, only for that record to be smashed the following night, at 48.”

I, too, have deep misgivings about the three-point shot while I also concede that, without it, Steph Curry, Caitlin Clark and any number of other bombers would be far less heralded. And the potential for a team to surge back from a huge deficit late in the game with a barrage of threes can keep a game interesting.

John Hollinger at The Athletic isn’t the least bit concerned about the “increase from 39.5 percent of shots coming from 3 in 2023-24 to 42.4 percent coming from 3 this season,” writing that “more 3s equal more spacing, which in turn equals more runway for dunks,” which he deems “the most exciting play in the game.” Though he conceded that the number of dunks per game is not rising.

Renewing my call to ban the “tush push.”

Watching the Philadelphia Eagles game Sunday in which the team several times clustered around the quarterback in a short yardage situation and gang-shoved him forward prompts me to restate my objection to the rugby-like move. Offensive players should not be allowed to push a ball carrier forward at any time.

Tune of the Week

Bob Dylan is trending these days due to the release last week of “A Complete Unknown,” the biopic starring Timothée Chalamet. After we saw it, I thought I’d feature here my favorite Dylan song. But I had a hard time picking one. I like all the familiar classics, of course, but my mind turned to “Sara,” the final cut on his 1976 album, “Desire.”

He wrote it for his then-estranged first wife Sara Dylan, to whom he was married from 1965 to 1977.

The Irish Times called it “Perhaps Dylan's most emotionally naked song, as beautiful an expression of the preciousness and frailty of human love as has ever been put on a record.”

Sara, Sara
It’s all so clear, I could never forget
Sara, Sara
Lovin’ you is the one thing I’ll never regret ....

Sara, Sara
Wherever we travel we’re never apart
Sara, oh Sara
Beautiful lady, so dear to my heart

The lyrics refer to Sara Dylan as being the inspiration for “Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands,” which is a similarly stunning song that the same Irish Times article referred to as a “cavalcade of tumbling images and surreal, kaleidoscopic metaphors.”

Dylan is a genius. I promoted his poetic lyrics for the Nobel Prize for Literature 19 years before he actually won.

I’ve been opening up Tune of the Week nominations in an effort to bring some newer sounds to the mix. I’m asking readers to use the comments area for paid subscribers or to email me to leave nominations (post-2000 releases, please!) along with YouTube links and at least a few sentences explaining why the nominated song is meaningful or delightful to you.

Info

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise. Browse and search back issues here.

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