No surrender!

Just because one liberal columnist is giving up doesn't mean you have to

2-6-2025 (issue No. 179)

This week:

• Syndicated columnist Gene Lyons retires rather than spending the rest of his life thinking and writing about Donald Trump

• Last week’s winning quip

• News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked

• A conservative’s fearless forecast for the next four years

• That’s so Brandon! — Dismal poll results for Chicago’s maladroit mayor

• Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go

• Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go

• Mary Schmich hates eggs

• Beware of the ice ice baby

• What’s on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week

• Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

• Quips — The winning visual jokes and this week’s contest finalists

• Tune of the Week — “Everything is Broken” by Bob Dylan

Columnist Gene Lyons has waved the white flag. Don’t you do it!

For many years I enjoyed the stylings of syndicated liberal newspaper columnist Gene Lyons, whose farewell-to-readers column appeared in Saturday’s Chicago Sun-Times. He’s now 81 and long past the age when pundits usually dismount their high horses, usually with a sentimental look back and cheerful anticipation of the road ahead.

Not Lyons. His couched his valedictory in the form of a surrender:

The main reason I’m calling it quits as a newspaper columnist … is (Donald) Trump, the incompetent sociopath and career criminal who’s gotten himself elected president of the United States. I’m not afraid of him; my contempt is absolute. I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking and writing about him.

That a near-majority thought him worthy of the presidency is too depressing to contemplate. One way or another, Trump will bring the American experiment to ruins. But nothing says I have to chronicle the catastrophe. I only get one life. … I’ve reached the end of my rope.

I certainly understand the impulse not to keep splintering one’s lance on windmills. Lyons, a former college English teacher who became a full-time writer in 1980, penned a column for some 30 years and has clearly experienced the sense of futility that many opinion writers feel. People are dug in, politically. Marshal all the arguments you want for your side — for the love of God, don’t restore an incompetent sociopath and career criminal to the White House — and those who agree with you will cheer. But those who don’t agree with you will shrug you off. And nothing seems to change.

Why bother? Why keep “spinning reasoned argument to dash uselessly against the reinforced armor of unreason”? as Neil Steinberg put it recently.

Why not just give up and hang out at the dog park, as Lyons wants to do? Most self-aware print pundits — columnists and editorial writers; authors of lengthy screeds — have asked themselves that question. One answer is, of course, that it’s a living, and as jobs go, it’s interesting, fun and challenging.

But another is that silence and surrender are forms of assent. I’ve seen too many people holding back on social media, avoiding criticizing Trump apparently either out of fear of being in the (figurative!) crosshairs of the would-be tyrant, or out of resignation that nothing they’ve said, done or posted was able to prevent the current national cluster event.

I get that. But more than 75 million of us voted for Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris last November — 48.3% of those who voted. We’re still here, and speaking out and speaking up in whatever platforms are available to us is our best chance of inspiring one another and persuading like-minded non-voters to turn out at the next opportunity to stem the MAGA tide.

If you feel at the end of your rope, yank on it with all your might.

Last week’s winning quip

If you enjoy interacting with people who have strong opinions and minimal life experiences, may I recommend parenthood? — @MedusaOusa

Here are this week’s nominees and the winner of the Tuesday visual-jokes poll. Here is the direct link to the new poll.

News & Views

News: “Lakeview psychic pleads guilty to operating ‘curse removal’ scheme.”

View: Everyone who hangs out a shingle offering “psychic” readings is a charlatan who should be prosecuted. No one has psychic powers.

As I wrote after the death in 2020 of magician/debunker James Randi, mind readers are frauds. Fortune tellers are frauds. Faith healers are frauds. Dowsers are frauds. Spoon benders are frauds. Mediums are large frauds. Astrology is baloney, as are psychokinesis, precognition, channeling, psychic surgery, astral projection and anything and everything else that asserts the ability to harness supernatural forces. Randi offered anyone who could demonstrate supernatural powers of any sort under controlled, laboratory conditions up to $1 million. None of the hundreds of applicants ever collected a dime.

News: “Fatal police shooting of Dexter Reed triggers $1.25 million settlement.”

View: I wish this case had gone to trial so we could get some answers to all the questions that surround this troubling incident during which Reed died in a shootout with police after a traffic stop. Did police have a good reason to pull Reed over? My analysis of the available video suggested they did not. But since evidence also suggests Reed fired first at the officers, does it make any damn sense to pay off his family? My answer is no, and I would have liked to have seen that answer tested in court.

News: The water Trump ordered released in California won't help fight fires in Los Angeles.

View: Yes, I know, it does no good at all to point out to MAGA cult members that their Dear Leader is a fucking idiot. Nevertheless I persist.

These fearless forecasts deserve a rebuttal

In a recent letter to the Tribune, Bob Shea of Mundelein wrote:

My liberal friends should wipe the tears from their eyes and realize we just finished the four worst years in the history of American politics. The American people spoke and clearly said it was time for a change; it was time to let common sense prevail.

Because of the new leadership in place the following are my prediction for the next four years: The Middle East will become reasonably stable. The Russia and Ukraine war will end. China and North Korea will be brought in check. Iran will be financially crippled, and the Iranian people will revolt against their leaders. NATO countries will pay their fair share. The U.S. military will become stronger. We will continue to have a military base on Greenland, regardless of who owns it. The Panama Canal will be more efficient, regardless who owns it. Both borders will be more secure. Canada and Mexico will remain strong allies and friends. We will be energy-independent* again. College students will pay their loans.

*The printed letter said “energy-dependent,” but context suggests Shea meant “independent.”

My response, briefly, is that Shea’s “liberal friends,” of whom I suspect he has zero, are not weeping but trembling in fear that President Donald Trump will put an end to the American experiment. The country did pretty well under President Joe Biden — Trump has inherited a strong economy, and we are not at war, and it’s a fiction that the American people “spoke clearly” when fewer than half of voters backed Trump.

The American people are divided, and Trump is quite possibly the least likely political figure to united us and heal the divide. Ending the Russia/Ukraine war will likely involve requiring Ukraine to validate Vladimir Putin’s decision to invade and claim territory. Canada and Mexico currently hate us, we are already a net exporter of energy and, overall, crippling college loan debt is almost certain to increase.

Let’s bookmark the rest of these forecasts then circle back in four years to see who has tears in their eyes.

That’s So Brandon!

Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s mayor

Headline: “Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson’s approval drops to 14%, unfavorable reaches 80%.”

Yes, the poll was commissioned by the Illinois Policy Institute, a libertarian think tank that has frequently opposed Johnson and the Chicago Teachers Union that once employed him and bankrolled his campaign. But it was conducted by M3 Strategies, a reputable polling firm, and the result is in line with other polling.

The CTU and its leader, Stacy Davis Gates, now bargaining for a new contract and threatening a strike, did only a little better in last month’s survey of 798 registered voters:

These results suggest that a walkout by teachers — the chances for which increased Wednesday when the union rejected the findings of a neutral arbitrator —would be unlikely to have the public support it had during the 2012 strike.

Land of Linkin’

• Last week, I posted a summary of my testy exchange with Tribune Editorial Page Editor Chris Jones about contributing columnist Willie Wilson that began with Jones telling me I would like Wilson’s Jan. 30 column. Reader, I did. “President Donald Trump is eroding decades of civil rights progress” was a well-done defense of affirmative action programs.

• Richard Tofel offers sound advice in “How Newsrooms Should Cover Themselves.”

• Donald Trump and Bryson DeChambeau play a better-ball round of golf (YouTube). Trump is, in fact, a pretty good golfer for a man his age.

• Female Pilot in Crash Trump Blamed on DEI Was Top 20% Army Cadet.” (Daily Beast)

• In Tuesday’s Picayune Plus: “Just plane racist and sexist: Trump’s response to the D.C. air disaster proves what many knew about him all along.”

• Should we move the Super Bowl to a Saturday? To the Sunday before Presidents Day? An overwhelming percentage of Picayune Sentinel readers are saying yes.

• America’s current top 50 podcasts.

• “University of Chicago researchers asked Chicagoans to draw their neighborhood boundaries for a new map. Block Club reporters spoke to locals, historians and other neighborhood experts about the results.”

• Sun-Times columnist Neil Steinberg once again asked AI to write a column that mimicked his style, and this year the result was scary good.

• a Tribune op-ed: “School choice drains public resources.” “The solution isn’t to use public tax dollars to fund privatized institutions that serve only the select few. The solution is to fully fund our neighborhood public schools so that all children can benefit. School choice is a distraction. It shifts the focus — and the funds — away from collective responsibility for providing excellent educational opportunities for all toward a competition for individual gain.”

• “How well do you know the history of Chicago's 10 p.m. news?” I got all 10 questions right in the Axios Chicago quiz.

Squaring up the news

This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:

■ “I was disappeared for 5 hours where no person knew where I was”: Longtime Chicago social justice activist and founder of the cultural center HotHouse Marguerite Horberg shares to Facebook how she—“an older white woman that’s never been arrested”—was detained at the Miami airport this week, offering clear evidence that “we are living in a police state.”

■ Her update Wednesday morning: “I’m home. Both of my phones with all the attendant private and personal information we casually retain on these devices is in their hands until they decide to return them (or not),” adding: “The best response I can ask of you is to support our upcoming Concerts for Cuba.”

■ Axios Chicago: Your need for a Real ID is now really real.

■ Not a bad time to consider locking down your credit records.

■ You are here. Columnist Paul Krugman sums things up:

1. We may be in the middle of a trade war. Or maybe not

2. We’re in the middle of a constitutional crisis. No maybe.

3. We may be in the midst of a sort of digital coup, which might as a side consequence cause large parts of the federal government to cease functioning at all.

The unifying theme here … is that the federal government has been taken over by bad people who also are … stunningly ignorant.

■ As those concerned about Donald Trump’s presidency seek guidance for what to do, longtime political strategist [and Mincing Rascal] Marj Halperin suggests some plans of action “at least till the cavalry arrives with the midterm elections.”

■ Not the protesting type? The website 5calls.org makes it easy to make your views known to lawmakers.

■ Acerbic “Doonesbury” creator Garry Trudeau isn’t worried Trump will come after him: “The court ruled that satire is protected! We were even cited in the winning argument!”

■ Critic Bill Carter reviews late-night shows’ challenges balancing entertainment and activism.

■ Chicago radio legend Steve Dahl has prostate cancer.

You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.

Mary Schmich hates eggs

My former colleague Mary Schmich — whose new podcast series you must not miss! — posts occasional column-like entries on Facebook. Here, reprinted with permission, is a recent offering related to the soaring price of eggs:

People have always mocked me for hating eggs. That distaste is working to my advantage now.

Which raises the question:

Which food that other people love do you loathe?

This simple post by Schmich drew more than 350 responses and raised for me a threshold question. There is virtually no consumable product out there that someone doesn’t love, so I would phrase it as: “Which food do you loathe that you believe most people love?”

My anecdotal impression is that most people do love eggs and Mary is an outlier. But most people don’t like beets— a common answer from members of her Facebook family — as well as liver, anchovies, Brussels sprouts, oysters, blue cheese and many of the other foods that got a mention.

But there are other foods where I’d have to take a survey to know if most people like them. Sushi, for instance. Asparagus. Celery. Olives. Lima beans. Spinach. Broccoli. Mushrooms. Salmon.

Omelet you help me add to that middle category. Leave suggestions in comments or email me.

Watch your step!

Emergency room personnel at the University of Michigan hospital last Sunday afternoon estimated that up to 30 patients had already come in for treatment after falling on the glare ice that had coated Ann Arbor pavement after a quick overnight freeze.

I know this because my wife, Johanna, was one of the 30 — she took a bad spill on a snow-covered patch of sidewalk and fractured her wrist. From behind the privacy curtains near our bay we heard several stories nearly identical to hers: Suddenly I just went down…

I mention her mishap only as a warning related to the ice storm predicted for Thursday in Chicago. It’s super easy to fall, and your instinct to catch yourself with an extended hand is likely to do serious damage somewhere along your arm. And if you don’t catch yourself, it could be even worse. Be careful out there.

Minced Words

Brandon Pope, Austin Berg, Marj Halperin and I joined host John Williams on this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” podcast. We tried to decide which of President Donald Trump’s recent actions have been the most impactful and spent a long time talking about DEI — diversity, equity and inclusion — initiatives; what they mean and why they ought not figure into discussions of the D.C. air tragedy. We also talked about the controversial sculpture at the Chicago Cultural Center, Brandon Johnson’s dismal standing in the polls and the propriety of booing another country’s national anthem before a sporting event.

Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.

Read the background bios of some regular panelists here.

Quotables

A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

No more billionaires. None. After you reach $999 million, every red cent goes to schools and healthcare. You get a trophy that says, “I won capitalism,” and we name a dog park after you. — Mikel Jollett

I’m so proud of everyone in recovery right now. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders etc … all of it. I am so fucking proud of all of you. I don’t care if this comes across as “cringe.” Recovery is hard enough in a normal climate, let alone these days. I am so, so proud of all of us. — The Sassiest Semite

Remember when the worst thing about our President was that he was old and his German Shepherds kept biting everybody? — Dulcetry

So let all get this straight: Trump threatened tariffs over “secure borders.” Canada repackaged a two-month-old announcement as a “new plan” and Trump fell for it, cancelling tariffs. — Dean Blundell

It’s the richest person in the world taking away from the poorest people in the world. People will die from this — like thousands, if not hundreds of thousands. — A USAID employee quoted by Politico on Elon Musk dismantling the agency.

Quips

In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor. Subscribers vote for their favorite, and I post the winner here every Thursday:

The new nominees for Quip of the Week:

• The student with the worst grades should get to give a graduation speech too. Let me hear both sides. — @SamuelSaulsbury

• If I'm guilty of anything, it's caring too much. And shoplifting. — @Cpin42

• Customer: Your lightest roast please. Barista: That middle part you’re wearing makes you look like a founding father. — @RiotGrlErin

• My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body. I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now. — @dadgivesjokes

• You're not here to judge? Then maybe social media is not for you. — @wildethingy

• I will die on any hill, as I am very unfit. — @BearneMartin

• The worst part about parallel parking is the witnesses. — @audri_em

• I woke up alert, refreshed and ready to take on the day. Granted, it was a random Tuesday 25 years ago, but it’s a memory that I still hold dear. — @AbbyHasIssues

• What base is it when she says she likes your new hearing aids? — @DorkNBeans_

• I bet that farmer who named his dog Bingo never expected a lot of hoopla about it. —@Brock_Teee

Vote here and check the current results in the poll.

For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Why the new name for this feature? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.”

Tune of the Week

At the end of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher” Friday, the host chided Donald Trump for adopting “YMCA” by the Village People as his “anthem” at rallies.

If we're going to have a new anthem, I want one that accurately epitomizes America. And I know just the song. It's by the man who's having a well-deserved victory lap these days, Bob Dylan. And I think that right now … we should adopt this Dylan song as our new anthem. It's called “Everything is Broken.”

Broken lines, broken strings
Broken threads, broken springs
Broken idols, broken heads
People sleepin' in broken beds
Ain't no use jiving, ain't no use joking
Everything is broken

I’d never heard this rhythmic, bluesy number. It was on Dylan’s “Oh, Mercy” album released in 1989, about a decade after I’d mostly stopped following his work. But it made The Guardian’s list of “80 Bob Dylan songs everyone should know” and does have a certain resonance right now.

Maher went on:

This song also captures exactly how I feel about our health care system and immigration system, and schools and colleges, and families and cities, the media, race relations, how our government works. …

The gerrymandering. The lobbyists writing the laws. The Electoral College putting presidents in office who didn't win. … With our government, everything is broken. It's hard to even name an issue the government is involved with that isn't broken. We have the most expensive healthcare system in the world, spending far more per person than any other country, with far worse results. Life expectancy: 49th in the world. Infant mortality: 54th. More people here live with multiple chronic conditions than any other rich country.

His entire “broken” riff is here.

I’ve been opening up Tune of the Week nominations in an effort to bring some newer sounds to the mix. I’m asking readers to use the comments area for paid subscribers or to email me to leave nominations (post-2000 releases, please!) along with YouTube links and at least a few sentences explaining why the nominated song is meaningful or delightful to you.

Info

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise. Browse and search back issues here.

Contact

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