MAGA ruined my birthday!

... on the 12th Day of Christmas, Trump's true believers gave to me a body blow

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1-6-2022 (issue No. 17)

Today, Thursday, Jan. 6, is the Christian holiday of Epiphany. It commemorates when the Magi — the wise men of scripture — met with the infant Jesus, and coincides with the 12th day of Christmas.

Unless you are particularly observant, this fact may have escaped you. You may have even assumed that the Magi showed up in the manger on the very night Jesus was born. But, in fact, the accounts of the nativity in the Bible are not specific about when their visit occurred or even how many wise men there were.

And you may have assumed that the 12 days of Christmas commemorated in that tedious song began on Dec. 14 and culminated on Christmas Day with the presentation of the drummers drumming. But no. In olden times, the celebrations started on Dec. 25.

Anyway, most people are up to here with seasonal observances by the time Jan. 6th rolls around. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s merrymaking leaves them partied out.

I’m keenly aware of all this because Jan. 6 is my birthday, and it’s generally been a muted affair due to festivity fatigue. And while it may be lousy to be born on Christmas — or, like my elder son, on Christmas Eve — at least everyone is jolly then, not spent and slightly resentful.

But, hey, like many other early January babies I got used to having an obscure birthday. I even developed a weariness of my own about the whole concept of birthdays, thinking them overemphasized. The day came, the day went. Winter slogged along.

Then, a year ago, came the insurrection in Washington, D.C. — the Jan. 6 , 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol led by supporters of defeated President Donald Trump.

“January 6” became shorthand for all the disturbing events of that day, from Trump egging on his furious crowd to the attacks on Capitol police officers, the suspension of official business by terrified lawmakers, the failure of Trump to call off his dogs and the cowardly, treasonous votes of certain Republican supplicants in Congress to support the effort to overturn Joe Biden’s victory in a free and fair election.

Democrats led the formation of the National Commission to Investigate the January 6 Attack on the United States Capitol Complex,” emphasis mine. In media shorthand it became known as “the January 6 commission.”

Kate McKinnon, Jameis Winston, Lou Holtz, Eric Trump, Anthony Scaramucci, Nancy Lopez and about 1 in every 365 people reading this also born on Jan. 6 know what I’m talking about. It sucks when your birthday becomes a day of infamy.

Those born on Sept. 11 are nodding in agreement, as are those of an advanced age who were born on Dec. 7 — the original day of infamy in 1941 when Japanese bombers attacked Pearl Harbor.

Dec. 7 is losing its cultural resonance year by year as the World War II generation it shattered dies off. Jan. 6 may also eventually again become just another date on the calendar if the responsible parties are brought to justice and the norms of our democratic republic are fully reinstated.

But if it goes down in history as the beginning of the end, the words “January 6th” will forever echo with dread and sorrow.

So much potential angst. So few happy returns of the day.

Last week’s winning tweet

Bob Golen @BobGolen

I was born a male. I identify as a male. But according to Kraft Mac & Cheese I'm a family of four.

I included this tweet in the list of finalists even though Bob Golen overstates the case a bit. Kraft says a box contains just three servings.

But “family of four” is funnier than “family of three,” and we shouldn’t let facts get in the way of a good joke.

Scroll down to read this week’s nominees or click here to vote in the new poll.

Don’t forget to “view entire message”

Reader Rosalie Z. writes:

Although I became a paid subscriber weeks ago, it was only today that I realized that the message is "clipped" and that I had to click on "View entire message" to see and make comments. I wonder if others (who are as non-techie as me) don't realize this and that's why not many people are using the comments section.

For reasons that are not clear to me, Gmail truncates many emails once they’ve reached a certain length, a length that the Picayune Sentinel always exceeds because that’s what happens when you express beautiful thoughts beautifully.

The quick workaround for readers is to click right away on the headline of the newsletter (“MAGA ruined my birthday!” above, to wit). Waiting until you reach the “view entire message” link at the bottom will take you back to the beginning on a fresh page.

Gmail is needlessly annoying for how it screws around like this and how it shunts so many newsletters into “spam” and “promotions” folders. For a nosy program that monitors your email for marketing and algorithm purposes, it sure plays dumb when it comes to newsletters.

There’s also a comment link that looks like a cartoon bubble at the top of each post for PS members.

News & Views

News: Juror says Minnesota police Officer Kim Potter made an “honest mistake” when she shot and killed Daunte Wright with one shot during an April 2021 traffic stop.

View: Potter faces up to seven years in prison, but if she gets more time for her honest though horrifying mistake than former Chicago police Officer Jason Van Dyke got for pumping 16 bullets into Laquan McDonald as McDonald walked away from him in 2014, it will be a disgrace. Van Dyke was sentenced to 6 3/4 years behind bars in 2019; but because of “good time” credit, he’ll be released next month.

I have no idea if Van Dyke has been quiet, studious, obedient and polite behind bars, but it doesn’t matter. “Good time” is mostly a fiction. Short of being convicted of a new crime behind bars, it's basically impossible to lose good time credit, according to an Illinois Department of Corrections spokeswoman who discussed the topic with me in 2010. Even inmates who fling feces at guards don't lose their “good time” credit.

This has led me to issue occasional pleas to reporters, headline writers, judges, prosecutors and lawmakers to start putting much more emphasis at sentencing on the time that a convict is actually expected to serve and downplaying the gaudy, higher number that leads to misunderstandings.

News: 46% of respondents to a CNBC-Change Research poll taken in mid-December said the stock market is doing “not so good” or “poor,” even though it had its best year in decades.

View: I suppose it’s not news that people respond based on feelings rather than facts and that they’re really not paying attention to the news. The same poll shows President Joe Biden taking significant blame for the new wave of COVID-19 infections and for failing to tame inflation. His disapproval ratings are at a record high.

The widespread misapprehension about the stock market suggests that a big part of the Democrats’ problems these days have to do with messaging failures. Which party minimized and denied COVID-19 throughout 2020, thus magnifying the cascading health and economic woes we are feeling today? Which party is promoting vaccine hesitancy that is prolonging the crisis? Hint: Not the Democrats.

News: An accident in a snowstorm strands drivers on a Virginia interstate highway for more than 24 hours

View: A major complaint of the stranded and frightened motorists was the failure of officials to communicate with them — what was happening, what was being done to unclog the highway and when could they expect relief?

It’s a familiar complaint. When it comes to delays on trains, airplanes and highways, those in charge too often fail to realize how vitally important it is to provide frequent, honest information to those who are affected. Stuff happens. Everyone knows that. Being kept in the dark and regarded as an annoying afterthought amplifies rage and confusion.

News: Chicago Public Schools COVID-19 testing plan goes agley

School officials mailed 150,000 home testing kits to students over winter break and asked them to return the tests via FedEx drop boxes. The boxes quickly filled up, and both conventional and social media featured numerous photos like this:

ChicagoTeachersUnion @CTULocal1

These are two FedEx Drop Boxes on the Southwest Side, sites where CPS families are expected to leave completed COVID testing kits. Because boxes are overflowing, families are scrambling to find safe and secure places to leave their kits. The deadline for return is today.

Only 35,800 tests came back, but 25,000 of the samples were ruined and unusable. It was such an ill-considered plan and such a spectacular, wasteful failure that it’s hard to blame members of the teachers union and skeptical parents for wondering if the system is up to the job of reopening schools safely.

On the other hand, reports that the teachers’ “union asked CPS to have students and staff provide a negative test result in order to return to buildings” doesn’t give me much confidence that it’s on top of things either.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control notes that those who have recovered from COVID-19 “can continue to have detectable SARS-CoV-2 RNA in upper respiratory specimens for up to three months after illness onset,” and that “studies have not found evidence that clinically recovered adults with persistence of viral RNA have transmitted SARS-CoV-2 to others.“

The CDC adds that “these findings strengthen the justification for relying on a symptom-based rather than test-based strategy for ending isolation of most patients,” meaning that following the union’s request would potentially keep medically safe students and staff out of school for up to three months.

Book report

Last week I announced my goal for 2022 to read fiction at least 10 minutes every day, and I asked the PS family for recommendations. So many enticing suggestions for novels to read have flooded in that I've not even kept up opening the email, but I am working on generating a list of titles that will include some of your enthusiastic words.

One of the recommendations was one I’ve been hearing from many quarters for many years, “Olive Kitteridge,” author Elizabeth Strout’s Pulitzer Prize-winning book published in 2008. After that I plan to read author Ann Patchett’s “The Dutch House,” and something by author Michael Connelly, of whom many of you wrote with great fondness.

If you don’t want to pay for the Tribune’s ‘Premium Issues,’ just call and tell them so

So this postcard arrived in the mail:

Looks like a good price, what? About $13 for three months of digital access plus Sunday home delivery. A little more than $4 a month. But read on where it says that my subscription “may include up to twelve Premium Issues per year” and that each of these issues will cost me $5.99. So I’m effectively paying roughly 50% more for these monthly “Premium Issues” than I am for the entire newspaper.

And just what are these “Premium Issues"? Good luck finding any information about them on the Tribune website. But it turns out they are magazine-like inserts in the Sunday paper “like the NFL preview and the holiday gift guide,” said the customer service representative when I called to inquire.

“I don’t want them,” I said. “Can I opt out?”

“They are part of the paper,” she told me. But when I pushed a little harder, she agreed not to charge me for them, even though they will continue to be delivered to our home.

However, she said, the opt-out period only lasts for six months. I will have to call and go through this exercise again in half a year or else be on the hook for the premium issues that I don’t want, don’t need and won’t read.

In case you wondered why the digital subscription offers include free home delivery of the Sunday print edition, this may give you some idea.

As I’ve said before, if newspapers weren’t engaged in these scammy, deceptive practices, then newspapers would be leading the way in exposing them.

If you are a Tribune subscriber, I have just shown you how to save more than the cost of a paid Picayune Sentinel subscription. Plus I’ve got your NFL preview right here: The Bears will be mediocre again next season.

Land of Linkin’

• Billed as the “missing chapter of ‘The Last Dance,’” Australian public broadcasting has produced a documentary on Luc Longley, the Bulls’ center during the team’s three-championship run in the late 1990s.

• As all decent people look back with horror at the events of one year ago today, I look back with regret at “Trump’s tantrum injects some badly needed comedy into a tragic 2020,” a blithe column I wrote after the election that didn’t age very well: “President Donald Trump’s epic, infantile postelection hissy fit strikes me as one of the funniest chapters in American political history,” I wrote. “Folks! This is comedy gold! It’s a caper. It’s farce. The clown in the starring role appears to be plotting a coup, unaware that he’s being humored, not actually supported, by those with actual power who are currently standing with him. Years from now, historians will look back on Trump’s lame-duck flailing about as the most sidesplitting era in the annals of the presidency, a period in which each new delusion and each mendacious claim ended up deepening the shame in which posterity regards him.” I ended with this clinker of a prediction: “There are too many principled Republicans out there to allow an authoritarian takeover of our democracy for the temporary gain of reinstalling their grotesque jester as president.” I’m so sorry.

• “Chicago speed cameras in 2021 sent out a ticket every 11 seconds,” reports the Illinois Policy Institute. “In 10 months (the cameras) churned out nearly as many tickets as the prior 3 years combined. … The 8-fold spike came immediately after the city started ticketing at 6 mph over the limit.”

• The Picayune Sentinel on the air: On Thursdays at 4:30 p.m., WCPT-AM 820 host Joan Esposito and I chat about ideas raised in that day’s issue. The listen-live link is here.

Visual tweets now in the Picayune Sentinel Extra

Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969

you’ll eventually fall into the ocean

Most weeks now in the supporters-only extra edition of the Picayune Sentinel, I feature a collection of tweets similar to the one above that rely on related imagery and so can’t be included in the beloved Tweet of the Week poll.

I’ve also been posting Z-mail — reader reactions and dissents along with my responses — and other items. Earlier this week, for example, I played film critic:

What a suffocatingly dreadful, annoying movie “The Lost Daughter” is!

Critics love it, of course. A meandering 121 minutes spent with mostly unlikable characters behaving in peculiar ways with numerous scenes and plot developments that take forever to unfold and (spoilers ahead!) go nowhere particularly interesting…

Reader comments on my little tantrum were supportive and quite entertaining, including this one:

You've asked for comments about "The Lost Daughter." I just can't. I've already given up two hours of my life in paying attention to that awful, pointless, meaningless movie. I just can't give more.

To read this bonus content, join the commenting community and, most importantly, to support my work as an independent pundit/smartass, become a patron!

My Twitter spat with Ask Amy

Syndicated advice columnist Amy Dickinson, a respected former colleague at the Tribune, wrote this in her column published Tuesday:

I believe in anyone’s right to hold their vaccination status privately, and I have guarded my own.

She was responding to a reader who’d written in to say:

I am fully vaccinated and boostered, but I do not believe it is anyone’s business except for my medical providers’.

The reader was seeking a diplomatic way of saying “none of your business” to friends who want to socialize, but only with those who have been fully vaccinated against COVID-19.

Sigh.

The proper answer would have been: “Oh please! Get over yourself, you prissy little snowflake. No one is asking for a list of your prescriptions or your history of surgeries, ailments and procedures. We’re in a public health crisis, and your vaccine status not only tells us about the likelihood that you’re infected and contagious (not zero, of course!), but also how seriously you take the social obligation to do what you can to protect others from the raging pandemic.”

Framing the vaccination question as a matter of medical privacy plays right into the hands of the vax resistant who have been and still are making the problem worse. Asking someone if they’re vaccinated is no more intrusive than asking them if they wear a seat belt when they drive or if they keep their deadly weapons, if any, out of the reach of children.

Telling others that you’ve been vaccinated reinforces an important public health message.

In her response, Dickinson did go on to soften a bit in describing her emerging attitude: “If answering this simple question helps someone else to feel less anxious and vulnerable – then, OK!”

She added, “We now know that vaccination does not totally prevent the spread of this virus, but it helps,” which in my view understates the proven power of COVID-19 vaccines to keep people out of the hospital and the morgue.

Dickinson went on to suggest that the reader say to friends, “I’d rather not disclose my own status, and I understand if that means we won’t be able to see one another for a while, but I look forward to seeing you when things settle down.”

I tweeted my disapproval of her response:

Eric Zorn @EricZorn

Boo! @AskingAmy says "I believe in anyone’s right to hold their vaccination status privately, and I have guarded my own." This is no longer a private matter, my friend, it is a public health crisis. Set a better example.

Chicago Tribune @chicagotribune

Dear Amy: I am a 39-year-old married man. I made a friend two years ago at work. She is 39, divorced, and lives alone. Our friendship built up over time and is solid. https://t.co/CYBH4GEIhC

And she clapped back:

The Amyverse @AskingAmy

@EricZorn You don't seem to have read my answer. And -- kindly -- do not call me out without providing context. I definitely do not appreciate it, my friend!

When a supporter of hers tweeted that I’m “a grumpy internet commenter who doesn't read the article before he retorts,” Dickinson responded, “Jeeeezus, I guess so.”

But I did read the article before grumping. And now that context is clear, let me put the question to you in a click poll: Do you consider COVID-19 vaccination status to be a private medical matter?

Against all odds, I've had my AirPods for a whole year

I resisted the lure of Apple AirPods for a little more than four years after their introduction in late 2016. Friends raved about the wireless in-ear speakers and said they were well worth the price (now $129). But given my track record for losing and breaking cheaper, conventional wired EarPods (now $19), I was certain it would be a waste to upgrade.

But my wife believed in me and got me AirPods for my birthday a year ago. They lived up to the hype with their performance and their convenience. Wired headphones now seem to me as quaint a relic of the past as wired telephones or wired keyboards.

And though I’ve mislaid my AirPods every so often — lost them in the bedding, set them down and then forgotten where for hours at a time — they’ve always turned up and are in my ears streaming classical piano music as I type this.

My biggest problem by far is keeping track of the charging case, a smooth, roughly 2-inch square device that goes missing on me several times a day, it seems. Replacement cases from Apple are $79.

So I was happy to see in MacRumors a report that the case for the new, high-end AirPods will emit a “here I am!” sound, same as the individual AirPods now do, to help people like me find it.

Mary Schmich: The 2021 Rhyming Year in Review

My former colleague Mary Schmich posts column-like thoughts most Tuesdays on Facebook. Here is this week’s offering, posted on New Year’s Eve:

Photo by Mary Schmich

I've written a rhyming year in review for at least 20 years and couldn't resist doing it this year, if only for Facebook. Happy endings and beginnings, everyone. And that's a photo I took of a sunset in Oregon.

And now it’s all over / Finito and done

The 21st Century’s / Weird year twenty one.

It’s finished, it’s vanished / It’s come and it’s gone

But something survives it— / That dang omicron.

The year started rosy / By which I mean Trump

Had lost the election— / And that made him grump.

“It’s stolen!” he ranted / “The winners are thieves!”

Repeat a lie often— / That’s how it deceives.

And soon a mob rallied / And staged an attack

They showed their dear leader/ They’d take his House back.

The rioters stormed / Up the Capitol steps

They manhandled cops / And they threatened our reps

They battered our country / With pipes and with sticks

Waved flags like a weapon— / And that’s just Day Six!

But…

Joe Biden took office / The rioters failed

The nation felt fragile / Yet truth had prevailed.

Then vaccines arrived—/ A real shot in the arm!

Except for resisters / (Which caused more alarm.)

But even some holdouts / Grew smarter and wiser

And rolled up their sleeves / For Moderna and Pfizer.

The days ticked away / And we felt on the mend

We took off our masks, / Hailed the pandemic’s end.

We went to the movies! / To dinner! To lunch!

Not knowing we’d soon take / A new COVID punch.

The summer seemed hopeful— / But on the West Coast

The heat was so hot / It turned forests to toast.

We wept for the climate: / “Our planet’s in pain!”

We also lamented / The stalled supply chain.

Meanwhile…

Poor migrants kept moving / In search of a home

The whole Earth was shaken / By people who roam.

The stock market vaulted / (Is that good for biz?)

We talked about crypto / (Whatever that is.)

We railed against Facebook / (It’s harming our teens!)

So Zuck named it Meta / (Whatever that means.)

The job market grew / And yet prices were high

Inflation went soaring / Like Musk in the sky.

That’s Musk as in Elon / Who sniffed, “I won’t vax!”

Time’s “man of the year” / Who pays diddly in tax.

Yep, rich guys flew rockets / While flaunting their dough

As folks without billions / Kept struggling below.

But workers rose up / In The Great Resignation

Fed up with low wages / And little vacation.

And over in Congress / The Dems had big dreams

For health care and child care / And great social schemes.

Republicans blocked ‘em / Said aid is a crutch

And even some Dems / Sniffed their dreams were too much.

We fought about culture / And theories of race

We reckoned, again, / With the past’s ugly face.

And then came the end of / The long Afghan war

And folks were left asking: / What good was it for?

We bid adios to / To some folks we revere

How lucky we’ve been / That we had them all here.

Goodbye to Hank Aaron / A player with heart

Goodbye Stephen Sondheim / Whose music was art.

Joan Didion left us / And also bell hooks

They’re gone but bequeathed us / Some life-changing books.

Goodbye, Desmond Tutu / Who fought for what's right

And thanks for the laughs / Golden Girl Betty White.

And speaking of right…

The land’s highest court / Full of Trump appointees)

Made right-leaning rulings/ And Roe felt the squeeze.

Then omicron came / And we started to freak—

But look on the bright side / We’re learning some Greek.

Some days we felt broken/ Some days we felt sad

And yet let’s be honest— / It wasn’t all bad.

We found some distraction / By watching TV

We cheered as Prince Harry / And Britney broke free.

And in this tough year / Some good seeds have been planted

We paid more for gas / But we took less for granted.

We did what we must/ When the days get too dark

We looked for the light/ For the sun, for the spark.

Hey, look at that butterfly / Look at that tree

Look at the wonders / That set our souls free.

And now here we are at/ Day Three Sixty Five

Let’s toast to the future, / To being alive!

Yes, COVID’s still kicking / We’re dizzy with change

But look on the bright side: / We’re experts in strange.

A new year is coming / Let’s welcome it in

And hold on to courage / Come thick or come thin.

And each day we feel at / The end of our rope

Let’s find ways to open / Supply chains of hope. — Mary Schmich

Follow Mary and leave comments on Facebook.

Minced Words

This week’s Mincing Rascals: Austin Berg, Jon Hansen, host John Williams, Heather Cherone, Eric Zorn

Austin Berg of the Illinois Policy Institute and Heather Cherone of WTTW-Ch. 11 have some very sharp and informative back-and-forth this week about COVID-19 protocols in schools on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast. We also discuss Jan. 6 and other days of infamy, and we introduce a new weekly segment on Campaign 2022 that focuses on the upcoming race for the U.S. congressional seat of the retiring Bobby Rush.

Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page.

Re: Tweets

This week’s nominees for Tweet of the Week:

• My son once asked me to explain the essence of the song “Cats in the Cradle” to him and I told him, "Not now." — @chalzamora

• Seinfeld Today: Elaine spends six hours in a testing line, Jerry finds his new girlfriend less attractive with a mask off, George attends an anti-vax rally so he can get "super-immunity," and Kramer hoards rapid tests. — @YoAndyZou

• I’ll  worry about artificial intelligence when I stop getting ads for things I already bought. — @bonesher

• When watching an action movie with your spouse make sure to say things like “Oh yeah, right,” and “That could never happen.” This way, they’ll know you are fully present. — @StruggleDisplay

• And I saw a pale horse. And a pale rider upon it. And the name of the rider was Death. And the name of the horse was Pickles SparklePants, because Death let his 7-year-old niece name the horse after forgetting her birthday and covered by telling her naming the horse was her gift. — @living_marble

• Help! Do I wear the fanny pack over the gut or under it? I don’t want to look like a dork. — @metickleu

• "Welcome to Red Lobster. May I see your vaccination card?" "I am being forced into a train bound for a death camp" — @JohnDeVore

• When folding laundry, I don't like to match my socks. I put them in there willy nilly and let them find their own mate. This isn't the 1800s. — @a_simpl_man

• Do you remember, before the internet, it was thought that the cause of collective stupidity was the lack of access to information? Well, it wasn’t that. —  @JebTheJarhead

• The CDC now says you can hurry love. You’re no longer required to wait. —@RickAaron

Click here to vote in the poll. For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Today’s tune

Well, it kind of has to be this one, doesn’t it?

I was 9 years old in 1967, the year “When I’m Sixty Four” was released on the Beatles’ “Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band” album. The lead singer, Paul McCartney, was just shy of his 25th birthday then, but some sources say he was in his mid teens when he actually wrote the song.

To him, to me, to everyone who was young at the time and to all those who are still young and hear this oom-pah ditty, 64 seemed or seems ancient. Older than God’s dog, as the saying goes.

The song suggests a 64-year-old is an otherwise unlovable, nearly hairless gnome who needs to be fed — pureed protein slop administered by spoon was my overly literal interpretation of the words, “Will you still feed me?” — and who fills time gardening and performing minor chores around the house (the lyrics allude to “mending a fuse,” maybe the simplest home improvement project there is).

A 64-year-old is a person “wasting away” in near irrelevance while dandling grandchildren on his knee and awaiting the imminent embrace of death.

Seemed about right.

Don’t get me wrong. The basic message is touching — young sweethearts pledging a devotion that will last beyond the bloom of youth and evolve into the blissful yet humdrum domesticity of the nearly decrepit.

You can knit a sweater by the fireside/ Sunday mornings go for a ride. …

Every summer we can rent a cottage / In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear

But now that I am turning 64 today, the use of that age as a metaphor for the outer limit of vitality strikes me as unfair. I made that mistake, too.

It’s always difficult to envision yourself as an older person. But if I could go back and have a word with 9-year-old Eric, I’d tell him don’t worry, kid, it’ll be pretty great. You’ll have your hair, great kids, the love of your life and circuit breakers instead of fuses.

You won’t need anyone to feed you, except, of course, spiritually.

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