Legalize consumer fireworks in Illinois: A Krazy idea?

Why make people cross the border into Indiana to buy their annoying noisemakers?

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Tuesdays at 11:30 a.m. I talk with WGN-AM 720 host John Williams about what’s making news and likely to be grist for the PS mill. The WGN listen-live link is here.

Notes and comments from readers — lightly edited — along with my responses

Where does the parental veto about what’s taught in public schools stop?

Last week, reflecting on the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling that will allow parents to opt their children in public schools to opt out of reading books that normalize LGBTQ+ characters, I wondered what happens when parents claim their religion objects to the teaching of evolution? Or to the study of war? Or to women working outside the home? Or to interracial marriage? Or to meat eating? Astrology? The use of alcohol? Automobiles?

Are we going to have to rule on the sincerity and validity of these and other religious beliefs and provide opt-out programs with supervision for every student whose parents hold some view they claim is divinely ordained?

Jon Lederhouse —,I see the opt-out option as a positive compromise that encourages students from very different religious or moral beliefs to continue to participate together in public education classrooms, rather than (literally) moving away from each other into "enemy" Tribal groups such as exist in our current political/social arenas

Steven K. Much is made about the supposed hang ups of parents who wouldn’t want their young kids to read the books that normalize LGBTQ people. But Kindergarten is way too young to be reading sexually charged material.Let’s let kids be kids. Why is that so much to ask?

John Houck -- If the stories were cis-hetero tales, nobody would have objected. It’s wrong to call them “sexually charged” — a story with a boy and a girl in the exact same relationship would be perfectly fine. The real issue is parents who don’t want their kids having to face the reality we live in, where same-sex relationships exist.

Joanie Wimmer —The books at issue in the Supreme Court’s decision were not about coitus any more than Snow White is about sex because it ends with the prince kissing Snow White. Kids’ books are full of stories about heterosexual love.

Bob E. — The Supreme Court ruled that public school students should be allowed to opt out when the course material conflicts with their religious beliefs, But parents should be able to opt their children out for any reason they wish, whether or not that reason is rooted in a religious belief or simply a preference or convictions. Why shouldn't the parents decide whether the values the school is communicating are consistent with the values they want their children to learn? That way, no teacher, administrator or judge has to assess the sincerity or root of a parent's beliefs. Who is qualified to make such an assessment anyway?

Zorn — I find Bob E.’s point persuasive, in part because, the way things are going, I can easily imagine students being compelled someday to study the Bible — not as a historical document but as divine revelation — or books that badly distort history, glorify the idea of women submitting to their husbands, portray LGBTQ+ people as sinful, extol the virtues of firearms and so forth. And I can imagine many parents of my political persuasion being more than eager to prevent their children from being force fed such views. And while I think it’s more than healthy for children to learn about the realities of life and to accept people with differences, I can see the potential utility of parental control.

And a hat-tip to Joanie Wimmer for her use of “coitus.” The only other time it has appeared in this publication was “Affirmative. Human coitus it is,” an entry in the list of the least erotic ways someone can agree to having sex in five words or less.

Hurrah for Trump!

David Leitschuh — The national average price of gas is the lowest it has been in the past four years, inflation is very much under control — the widely warned-of tariff inflation has yet to make an appearance — and our economy is taking off. The stock market is hitting historic highs and our border is secured. God Bless America and happy birthday to the greatest country in the history of the world! 🇺🇲

Zorn — It’s way too early for Republicans to do a touchdown dance. Very few of the inflationary tariffs have kicked in — Monday’s announcement of 25% tariffs on goods from Japan and South Korea as well as steep tariffs on 12 other countries may well prompt big price hikes for consumers. We have no idea what the impact on health and the finances of poor people related to Medicaid cuts is going to be and what the economic and other effects of mass deportations are going to be.

See: “Immigration raids leave crops unharvested, California farms at risk,”for example. I still would like to know what law-abiding undocumented immigrants have done to harm you such that you’d endorse ripping apart their families, putting them in detention camps and shipping them out of the country. Where in the Bible does Jesus say to welcome only strangers with proper documentation?

As for the economy, here’s James Surowiecki in the Atlantic:

Unemployment is at 4.2 percent, right around where it’s been for the past year. Inflation has fallen mildly since Trump took office, but at 2.4 percent, it’s exactly where it was last September. The economy did shrink slightly in the first quarter of this year, but estimates suggest that it grew at an annualized rate of about 2.5 percent in the second quarter, which would put aggregate growth for the first half of the year in the 1 to 2 percent range, forecast to even out at roughly 1.4 percent for the year. That’s slower than last year’s 2.8 percent GDP-growth rate, but again, not a radical shift. … The economy as a whole is growing more slowly than it did last year, but seems to be chugging along at an adequate pace. Things are neither great nor terrible.

Here’s a term I’d never heard before

Clyde Behrendt — The Picayune Sentinel/Picayune plus are an integral part in my quest to be a lifelong learner. I was sure the answer to the July 1 NewsWheel puzzle was “ski enema.” When I searched for the term, I found out it was a thing.

Zorn — I learned something new today, too! An online search reveals that—

The phrase "ski enema" refers to a potentially dangerous situation during water skiing where water forcefully enters the body, particularly the rectum, due to the impact of a fall. This is also sometimes referred to as the "water skiing douche." While it can cause discomfort, it can also lead to serious injuries like rectal tears and hemorrhaging.

But as far as I know, there has not been a ski enema in the news, whereas the actual answer to the puzzle above is a name in the news (see the bottom of the newsletter).

The Chapman mystery: Solved?

Bob E. — How is it that former Tribune staff columnist Steve Chapman manages to hit the bullseye with well-crafted, tight prose in every guest column on the first Wednesday of the month?

If you haven't yet read his column from this past week, do yourself a favor: “Congress and the Supreme Court approve Donald Trump’s drive for absolute power.”

Zorn — Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because he’s one of the clearest thinking, fairest minded pundits ever? That could be it.

Trib subscribers: Here’s an easier way to opt out of paying for your ‘premium issues.’

Tom Samata — I discovered that Sunday Tribune home-delivery subscribers can opt out of paying $15.99 for the occasional “premium” supplements designed to shorten your subscription cycle and jack up your payments. Just email cswork_level1@tribune.cust-serv.com. The opt-out lasts only for six months, so I set a reminder on my phone.

Zorn — This seems to check out. You forwarded me a copy of your correspondence with members of the Chicago Tribune Customer Advocacy Group in which they confirmed your request not to pay extra for up to 15 of these costly Sunday inserts every year. I also called the customer service line —312-546-7900 — and plowed through the phone tree until a representative confirmed that making such a request via that email address will work (though an email to that address was not returned).

I’d include your name, delivery address and associated phone number to be sure you’re properly credited.

An inconsistency in the PS?

Mike Peterson — I detect an inconsistency in your mourning buyouts and potential layoffs at the Trib that will shrink the newsroom while also calling for the end of laws that mandate government legal notices be published in newspapers. Any loss of the revenue from legal notices would harm the future of print and not ultimately be a victory for news consumers.

Zorn — I hear what you're saying, but there no longer seems to be a strong case that printing tiny-type legal notices in newspapers is the best way to publicize information now that we are fully in the internet age. Newspapers editorialize against the repeal of laws that mandate such publication from time to time, but the conflict of interest in blatant. I'd rather there be direct public subsidies of newspapers than the legal-notices sleight of hand.

Unpopular opinions?

I find firecrackers and other home-grade fireworks annoying. The rogue pyrotechnic events in our Chicago neighborhood and just about every other neighborhood in the days leading up to July 4 (and sometimes a few days after) bother pets, military veterans, infants and those of us who never grooved to the thrill of things that go boom. Plus they’re not safe, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission:

In 2024, there were 11 reported fireworks-related deaths, most involving misuse and device misfire/malfunctions. An estimated 14,700 people were injured by fireworks last year – a sharp increase of about 38% in deaths and about 52% in injuries respectively compared to 2023.

Still, after recently reading another round of news articles such as “Illinoisans flock to Indiana to buy fireworks ahead of Fourth of July” and “Illinoisians are crossing state lines to get July 4th fireworks” I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time for our state to reap the tax and jobs benefits of legalizing the sale of fireworks. How much crazier could it possibly be in our alleys and parks around Independence Day? Here’s the Tribune:

(Krazy Kaplans Fireworks) in Hammond is the first exit off of I-94 driving east from Illinois into Indiana, and it’s across the street from two other fireworks stores — Rock the Sky Fireworks and Cheap Fireworks. Billboards touting the latest deals at Krazy Kaplans and other fireworks stores are common sights along Illinois expressways. … Each car parked outside Krazy Kaplans in Hammond Tuesday morning (July 1) had an Illinois license plate.

The General Assembly should repeal the paternalistic Illinois Pyrotechnic Use Act that makes us one of only three states still banning the sale, use and transportation of most fireworks.

And while I’m at it, let me ask you this:

Last week’s result

453 votes

“28% of readers in an unscientific Axios Chicago poll said they lowered their tips in the first year of the hikes.”

Leegee — I’ve always been a generous tipper, especially at lower priced establishments such as diners. However, the cost of eating out has skyrocketed in the past few years. Splitting a salad, pizza and a couple beers costs nearly $60 before tip at a place down the street. We go out maybe once a week at most now, so I can see why restaurants are suffering for business. As for tipping, where I used to tip 25-30% for cheap places is now 15-20%. Other places I’ve reduced to max 15% and, should tips become tax free… I’ll be tipping less. Chicago should take a page from Europe and have restaurant pricing all-inclusive of wages and eliminate tipping.

Melinda A K. — The tip requests at establishments that have always paid at least minimum wage annoy the heck out of me. If someone does something beyond the norm, I may add a tip. But otherwise I don't regularly tip in those circumstances. If I had to stand in line to order and then stand in line to pick up my food, I've not been "served" in a manner that prompts me to tip.

Ted — The actual dollar difference between a 15% tip and a 20% tip on my food and beverage purchases--added up over a full year--is in the very low three figures. I can afford that a lot easier than a waiter or barista can afford to live on the minimum wage. I think of it as my own little private effort at income redistribution, in return for the good fortune I've been granted.

K Mason — I am inveterate tipper! I tip the drive-through staff, the garbage guys, the person who cuts my hair, etc. I have long determined that the $1 to the drive-thru person will mean a lot more to them than to my wallet. And based on their response, that seems to be true. I do it in part because I imagine that if I were working those jobs, what would make my day better? I will continue to tip if the tipped wage minimum is finally abolished as it should have been decades ago. Minimum wage is not enough to live on in most cities.

Zorn — I like the idea of adding a buck for the drive-through person. Going to start doing that, though I'll have to have some dollar bills in my car, since I hardly carry any cash anymore.

This feature is intended to highlight opinions that are defensible but may well be unpopular. If you have one to add, leave it in comments or send me an email, but be sure to offer at least a paragraph in defense of your view.

Scam or honest error?

A text came in the other day from a number I didn’t recognize with a Quebec area code: “I’m planning a trip to Chicago in September for a conference, would you like to tour the Museum of Science and Industry?”

I replied, “Who is this? And no,” as I am not an MSI fan.

The texter then addressed me with a female name, identified herself with a female name and added, “I met you in Chicago in April when I was visiting the Art Institute and we exchanged numbers. Didn't you save my number?”

I told her she had the wrong number, but she persisted, “Your area code is from Chicago as well, do you live there as well? You live in a beautiful city. I have some business in Chicago and have been there a few times on business trips. I love Lake Michigan there. As a local, I think you must know a lot of places worth exploring in Chicago. If you don't mind, can you share with me some good places to enrich my trip to Chicago in September?”

I ignored this weird overture and have ignored follow up texts, but am wondering, does this sound like a scammer to you? Or just an impertinently friendly Canadian who had stored the wrong number?

NewsWheel

Inspired by the WordWheel puzzle in the Monday-Friday Chicago Tribune and other papers, this puzzle asks you to identify the missing letter that will make a word or words — possibly proper nouns; reading either clockwise or counterclockwise — related to a story in the news or other current event. The answer is at the bottom of the newsletter.

The week’s best visual jokes

Here are some funny visual images I've come across recently on social media. Enjoy, then evaluate:

There’s still time to vote in the conventional Quip of the Week poll!

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Info

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise.

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Answer to the NewsWheel puzzle that could have been “ski enema.”

KHAMENI

Answer to the NewsWheel puzzle:

REDSTONE