Deep breaths, Democrats

Don't fall into the Trump trap and appear soft on crime

9-4-2025 (issue No. 207)

This week:

• Parrying the would-be king’s gambit — Don’t give Trump what he wants!

• Last week’s winning quip

• News and Views — Hot takes, fully baked on JB Pritzker’s weight loss; on the tragic death of a 9-year-old boy at a CTA station; on Trump’s 29-day solution to stiffing the National Guard; and on the shame of full military honors for traitorous insurrectionist Ashli Babbitt

• That’s so Brandon! — Updates on the misadventures of Chicago’s maladroit mayor

• Land of Linkin’ — Where I tell readers where to go

• Squaring up the news — Where Charlie Meyerson tells readers where to go

• Media notes — Another print newspaper bites the dust; changes at the Reader, SNL and WBEZ-FM

• Quotables — A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

• The best of Gavin Newsom’s recent satirical social media posts

• Quips — The winning visual jokes and this week’s contest finalists

• What’s on “The Mincing Rascals” podcast this week

• Good Sports — Northwestern’s lame excuse for dishonoring Tulane

• Green Light — A recommendation of the streaming TV show “Ludwig” from reader Brigid Lusk

Democrats and progressives, don’t fall for the Trump trap!

In yet another act of feral cunning, aspiring dictator Donald Trump is trying to provoke an impolitic rise out of his foes and detractors either by sending or threatening to send National Guard troops to fight crime in Chicago.

I urge my allies: Don’t lunge at the bait.

My previously voiced skepticism that Trump will follow through on this idea was heightened by such stories Wednesday as “President Trump says he may send National Guard to New Orleans next instead of Chicago” (USA Today) indicating that he’s waffling now that he’s gotten all the mileage he’s likely to get out of rattling his sword at the “hellhole” of Chicago.

“We're making a determination now," Trump said in the Oval Office to reporters. "Do we go to Chicago or do we go to a place like New Orleans, where we have a great governor, Jeff Landry, who wants us to straighten out a very nice section of this country that's become quite, you know, quite tough, quite bad? So, we're going to be going to maybe Louisiana.”

Even the insouciantly headstrong blowhard Trump knows that. absent an actual insurrection or rebellion, sending military personnel out to fight crime in an American city against the wishes of the mayor and the governor violates the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878. A federal judge said so Tuesday in ruling related to Trump’s dispatch of National Guard troops to Los Angeles in June.

It’s clear to me that Team Trump doesn’t care about fighting crime — if they did, as many have observed, they would be sending troops to cities where the per-capita crime rate is higher than Chicago's. They care about sending a message to voters in swing states that Democrats are soft on crime and care more about the airy abstraction of a 147-year old law than about those hapless citizens whose lives and property might be saved by a temporary infusion of uniformed soldiers.

Laura Washington’s op-ed in the Tribune Wednesday was right on point:

There is no mistaking that the Democrats are on thin ice with their knee-jerk and obligatory nods to local prerogative. The GOP is pinning the Dems: It’s “us,” the Republicans, who want “law and order,” versus “them,” the Democrats, who are excusing violence.

That is a silly and inaccurate oversimplification.

Of course, the Democrats oppose crime, but they are choosing to entrust local law enforcement with our safety, not the National Guard or other federal troops. Imagine that. …

This is a conundrum for the Democrats.

Downplaying the obvious and searingly painful crime plaguing Chicago neighborhoods is unacceptable and dangerous. It plays into the hands of Trump and other Republicans who argue that Democrats don’t care about the safety of their own constituents. …

I suspect Trump is bluffing on his threats, but if he does send Guardsmen in, let’s politely ignore them. … Demand that (officials in the White House) return the more than $800 million in anti-violence funds that Trump hypocritically terminated.

Also on point was this Tribune editorial:

Sending federal forces to Chicago (is) an act that all rational beings know is motivated far more by Donald Trump’s thirst for an ego-boosting victory than genuine concern for the well-being of the nation’s third-largest city. If the latter were the case, he’d be arguing not for a hostile takeover but for a cooperative plan. But that would require the man to have some genuine empathy and depart from his usual zero-sum game. Not gonna happen, at least without some bowing and scraping before his imagined throne.

Strategically, if Trump does send the Guard here, the best tactic for Democrats and progressives will be to adopt a “Yes, and …” rhetorical approach, fighting the deployment in court but holding off on the inflammatory and somewhat tone-deaf rhetoric. “We agree that Chicago, like every big city — like most cities — has a crime problem. And though that problem is waning, we remain eager for constructive, long-term help from the federal government in keeping our citizens safe long after the National Guard troops have returned home.”

Last week’s winning quip

My wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” I texted back “Nooooo!” My phone autocorrected my response to “Mooooo!” Please send help. — @mariana057

Here are this week’s nominees and the winner of the Tuesday visual-jokes poll. Here is the direct link to the new poll.

News & Views

News: Our incredible shrinking governor declines to say whether he’s using a weight-loss drug.

View: Gov. JB Pritzker missed an opportunity to destigmatize weight loss drugs and call for a price reduction. Here is the relevant portion of his interview Tuesday with NBC-5’s Mary Ann Ahern:

Ahern: I don't want to be too rude to you. But at the same time, are you taking also one of the drugs to help lose some weight?

Pritzker: I'm not going to answer that question partly because I think there are a lot of people who are on those GLP-1s, and it's kind of none of anybody's business. Sometimes people are doing it because they have a health problem, like a genuine medical problem, diabetes or something else. And those are amazing drugs.

Ahern: There will be those by not answering that are going to assume that yes, you are.

Pritzker: I don't care. I think that anybody doing anything that's good for their health, that's a positive thing. And this is good for my health. I have kids I want to be around for for a long time. So, I think being healthier is a very positive thing. I have fought my being overweight my whole life.

Genetics is often a contributing factor in obesity, so thinking less of someone for taking prescription drugs to help control it is like thinking less of a diabetic for taking insulin or thinking less of someone who takes anticoagulants or statins to combat potential heart blockages. We are all entitled to medical privacy, of course, but, if I may, Pritzker ought to have answered like this:

(Yes, I have benefited from those drugs, and … / No, I’m not taking those drugs, but …) they are clearly beneficial for most people who struggle, as I do, with trying to lose weight. Those on Ozempic, Wegovy, Zepbound and other GLP-1 drugs often experience wide-ranging health benefits. And if we’re talking about making America healthy again, the government needs to work to bring down the high cost of these medications so more people can afford them.

News: Vigilante charged in the death of a boy killed in a chase at a el station

View: This sad story ought also to include an indictment against the boy’s caretaker, Jonah Soria, 22, whom prosecutors say touched off the fatal altercation by grabbing money out of the hand of an unnamed man and then trying to flee the Green Line train platform with the boy, 9-year-old Elijah Flores, slung over his shoulder.

The alleged victim and his friend, Michael Korosa, 52, chased after Soria, who is the boyfriend of Elijah’s mother.

Sun-Times:

One of the men then hit Soria in his back with a cane, causing him to fall down a flight of stairs, prosecutors said. He landed on top of Elijah, who was knocked unconscious and suffered a (fatal) skull fracture.

Tribune:

Prosecutors said Korosa, who was wearing a walking boot on his foot and using a cane, struck the man on his back and head with the cane, causing the man to fall down the stairs and drop the boy.

Korosa has been charged with involuntary manslaughter. Though he was trying to recover allegedly stolen money, he’s clearly no angel:

Korosa has a long history of arrests and has served time for drug possession, theft, aggravated battery and other crimes, according to Cook County court records.

In the battery case, he cut a security guard with a box cutter at a Downtown Walgreens in January 2020, records show. He was sentenced to two years in prison later that year, though he had already served 341 days.

He was arrested three days after the attack on Elijah when officers allegedly found him with a pocket knife, a pipe and suspected heroin after they saw him smoking in a prohibited area at the 51st Street CTA station.

But Soria’s accountability in Elijah’s death seems undeniable.

“While Mr. Korosa has been charged, this remains a continuing investigation,” a spokesman for State’s Attorney Eileen O’Neill Burke told me when I asked why Soria had not also been charged. Burke’s office “reviews evidence and makes charging decisions as that information is presented by law enforcement."

News: The 29-day deployment orders for National Guard troops allows Trump to stiff them

View: This is so Trump! Here’s CNN:

Guard members do not qualify for military benefits like a housing allowance or health care unless they are on active orders for more than 30 days.

The New Republic:

The thousands of National Guardsmen President Trump sent to Los Angeles in an authoritarian power play are working for free.

More than a dozen guardsmen told Military.com that they remain unpaid, as they have yet to receive official activation orders. Receiving such orders would allow them to receive pay, Tricare health benefits, and Department of Veterans Affairs eligibility. Without them, the troops dispatched aren’t getting anything…

And here’s former Illinois Republican Congressman and Afghanistan and Iraq war veteran Adam Kinzinger;

News: Trump’s Pentagon OK’s full military honors for slain insurrectionist Ashli Babbitt

View: Babbitt is not a martyr, she’s a traitor. On Jan. 6, 2021, She was at the leading edge of a violent mob that was trying to force its way past a barricaded doorway in an effort to attack or intimidate members of Congress who were voting to certify the results of the 2020 presidential election. She was shot and killed by a Capitol police officer as she was climbing through a shattered window into the Speaker’s lobby.

To afford the Air Force veteran turned insurrectionist full military funeral honors is a disgrace.

“She did not die defending the Constitution. She died trying to overturn it,” wrote retired Army Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling in an op-ed in The Bulwark. “She did not die defending the Constitution. She died trying to overturn it. …” Her actions were “ a betrayal of the oath she once swore and (giving her full military honors is) a desecration of the sacrifice made by so many who kept faith with theirs.”

Technically, Babbitt is eligible for this honor as she was honorably discharged and was never convicted of a capital crime — “military honors typically include a uniformed detail at the funeral, the playing of Taps, and the folding and presentation of a US flag,” CNN reported. “The honors had been previously denied under the Biden administration.”

For good reason

The Trump regime has already paid her survivors $5 million to settle a wrongful death lawsuit, which was an abomination in and of itself and part of the ongoing effort to whitewash the J6 riots and delegitimize the results of the 2020 election, which Trump lost.

I would not be at all surprised to see the administration agree to a lawyer’s demand that the J6 rioters are entitled to cash reparations for all the trouble they went through after being arrested and charged for attacking Capitol police.

News: Russian President Vladimir Putin and Chinese leader Xi Jinping caught on a hot mic discussing prolonging their lives to age 150 through multiple organ transplants.

View: I doubt it. In a 2018 column (gift link) I analyzed the $1 billion bet between Jay Olshansky, a University of Illinois at Chicago professor of public health, and Steven Austad, chairman of biology at the University of Alabama at Birmingham about whether a 150 year human life span is possible and came down firmly on the “nope” side.

That’s So Brandon!

I know that when I'm done serving as mayor these next 18 more years, and when the Lord calls me home in another 45, 50 years, he's gonna say, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You taught 12 year olds and 13 year olds. Welcome in to my bosom. — Mayor Brandon Johnson

Good and faithful, perhaps, but delusional and not particularly humble.

Land of Linkin’

• An ESPN parody from the brilliant Key & Peele: “If We Treated Teachers Like Pro Athletes.”

• The FW has a disquieting report: “ Thirty-four chains That Are Closing or Have Closed Locations in 2025.” The list does not include Starbucks.

• CBS: “Visitors dropped for a 6th straight month in Las Vegas.” The article says “Las Vegas saw a 12% decline in visitors compared to a year ago. … Traffic from Canada is down about 18%.”

• CNN: “Confirmed: America is in a serious jobs slump.”

• “The shooter was transgender. So what?” in Tuesday’s Picayune Plus

• “Restaurant owners say cost of tipped minimum wage causing them to raise prices.” And increasing food costs can’t be helping either.

• Several years ago, the Danish Road Safety Council came up with this clever commercial to urge cyclists to wear helmets.

• Painful flashback: A profile of Groupon co-founder Eric Lefkofsky in Wednesday’s Tribune referred to Groupon’s “disastrous 2011 Super Bowl ad.” When I rewatched that commercial here I cringed again. And you will, too.

• Steve Chapman: “Donald Trump pioneers a strange policy: Republican socialism.”

• People I love love to go to Burning Man, yet I can’t resist sharing this delicious takedown from Lyz Lenz.

• Legendary Chicago journalist and commentator Charlie Madigan announced his retirement from punditry on the occasion of his 76th birthday last month in a Substack post headlined, “Farewell and bless every one of you!” Madigan’s elegant, funny and insightful Tribune blog “The Gleaner” inspired and intimidated me back in the early aughts.

• Associated Press: “Podcasters and influencers among jobs covered by Trump's ‘no tax on tips' plan.” Also Golf caddies, blackjack dealers, dancers, musicians, deejays, ushers, bellhops, home maintenance, repair and lawn service workers, house cleaners, portrait photographers, baby- and pet-sitters, massage therapists, hair-care specialists, tattoo artists, tailors, chauffeurs, bus drivers and movers. The opportunities for legal tax evasion and minimization are enormous.

Squaring up the news

This is a bonus supplement to the Land of Linkin’ from veteran radio, internet and newspaper journalist Charlie Meyerson. Each week, he offers a selection of intriguing links from his daily email news briefing Chicago Public Square:

■ “Is Trump dead?” Noting that searches for that phrase soared on Google over the weekend, columnist and former Politico editor Garrett Graff offers six questions worth asking about the president’s health.

■ “As a Jewish daughter of a father once in poor health,” Chicago author and columnist Elaine Soloway writes an open letter to Trump’s daughter Ivanka: “Insist he resign.”

■ In a full-page newspaper ad, dozens of Chicago’s faith leaders tell Trump, “We are not afraid of your troops.”

■ The Handbasket: “Officer repeatedly seen on camera in D.C. crackdown shows Trump agents … are out for blood.”

■ Columnist Charlotte Clymer explains why Trump’s announcement of his decision to move the U.S. Space Command from Colorado to Alabama constitutes a “dangerous gamble on our national security.”

■ Chicago’s lead problem: WBEZ’s analysis finds the threat of water contamination is worst in the city’s majority Black and Latino neighborhoods.

■ Enter a Chicago address to find out whether its water service is compromised by lead.

■ “The scam email that almost fooled me.” Tech-savvy Advisorator Jared Newman sounds a warning about a PayPal-branded hoax that looks like the real deal. Meanwhile, ZDNET recommends deleting browser extensions right now.

■ “Note to self: Next time TV asks, just say no.” Columnist Neil Steinberg shares his experience as CNN tried to talk him into appearing on a show at 4 a.m.

You can (and should) subscribe to Chicago Public Square free here.

Media notes

RIP AJC print edition

The 157-year-old Atlanta Journal-Constitution will discontinue its print edition and go all-digital on the first of next year. The New York Times reported:

About 40,000 subscribers receive the print newspaper, down from 94,000 in 2020. At its height, in 2004, the paper’s Sunday edition had a circulation of about 630,000. … The Journal-Constitution is one of the largest daily newspapers yet to completely abandon print. … Roughly a third of the country’s more than 1,000 remaining daily newspapers still print seven days a week, according to a 2024 report on the state of local news by Northwestern University.

Here’s Rick Edmonds, media business analyst for the Poynter Institute:

Cutbacks to just a few days a week or Sunday-only have become common in the industry, but quitting print altogether is not. That’s because Sunday papers typically remain profitable, popular with advertisers and a segment of readers. Despite steep declines that show no signs of moderating in 2025, print still contributes a meaningful share of revenue (half or more at many outlets) since it commands much higher rates among both subscribers and advertisers.

But even a one-day-a-week print schedule locks a paper into printing press and delivery staff issues, which can greatly minimize or even erase those profits.

Poynter’s senior media write Tom Jones noted:

Anytime a newspaper cuts print editions, you hear from those who love “the feel of holding the paper” and long for the slow mornings on their porch while reading the Sunday edition with their cup of coffee.

But those sentiments feel outdated, if not tired.

Times have changed. It’s 2025. Digital journalism offers so much more than a print edition: clearer visuals, video, audio, better graphics, unlimited space, interactive features and so much more. Digital also offers timeliness, and the ability to change as the news changes. Those who read print are getting news that is at least 12 to 24 hours old and is stagnant.

The Tribune’s early news and sports deadlines are frustrating for those of us who read the digital replica each morning. It’s no longer just West Coast baseball games that don’t make the final editions, but virtually everything that happens in the evening.

Chicago Reader editor Salem Collo-Julin is leaving the paper

Collo-Julin, editor of the alt-weekly for the last two and a half years, posted:

It wasn’t an easy decision, but I took a buyout along with several other staff members, including senior writers Deanna Isaacs and Ben Joravsky, and multimedia content producer Shawnee Day. … The new management has already started a search for the new (editor-in-chief), and I’ve been promised that they’ll pick someone with deep Chicago ties.

I noted the new management story last week.

Cast shake-up at ‘Saturday Night Live.’

Heidi Gardner, Michael Longfellow, Devon Walker and Emil Wakim are out, replaced by five new cast members, several drawn from the world of viral videos. I’m relieved that Bowen Yang and Chicago’s own Sarah Sherman seem still to be with the show which, sorry haters, is still funny enough to be worth recording.

Sun-Times: Chicago Sports Network lays off staffers on digital side

Chicago Sports Network let go of several staffers this week, the Sun-Times has learned, including Bears reporter Alex Shapiro, who announced his departure Monday on X. … The “creatives” worked on CHSN’s editorial and digital side, which produces content for the network’s website, podcasts and social media platforms.

The Independent: “From chip paper to clickbait: ‘The Paper’s’ portrayal of an industry on its knees is painful to watch”

The Peacock series (trailer) debuting premiering Thursday looks as though it may provoke flashbacks among those of us who have lived through the struggles of print journalism. It’s a spin-off of NBC’s “The Office,” which went off the air 12 years ago.

Axios Chicago: “Mary Dixon to co-host new talk show as WBEZ Chicago revamps lineup.”

Justin Kaufmann reports that “The new lineup will feature local weekday programming at 9 a.m. again, replacing the ‘BBC Newshour’ with a new show called ‘In the Loop with Sasha-Ann Simons,’ followed at 10 a.m. by ‘Say More with Mary Dixon and Patrick Smith.’’ ‘Reset,’ the station's flagship midday talk show, will end and be replaced by ‘1A’ with host Jenn White, which has been airing at 10 a.m.”

Disclosure: My wife is on temporary assignment as a news editor at WBEZ.

Quotables

A collection of compelling, sometimes appalling passages I’ve encountered lately

The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything. — Albert Einstein

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and wraps themselves up in the flag. —Molly Ivins

Thanking God for sparing your child when other parents’ children were shot dead is a bit like sending a thank-you note to a serial killer for going to the house next door. — Betty Bowers

I’d like to be here for my career, but if things don’t pan out, obviously I might have to move in a different direction and do what’s best for me. — Angel Reese

There are a lot of common sense solutions — things that can be done to protect children at schools and in churches — that do not involve taking away the constitutional rights of law abiding American citizens. This is not a time to politicize these issues. … At the end of the day, the problem is not guns. … The problem is the human heart. It's mental health. — U.S. House Speaker Mike Johnson

Find someone who cares about you as much as an old white person cares about the logo of a restaurant they haven’t been to in a decade — Steve Hofstetter

Without the United States every everything in the world would die. It's true. It's so powerful, it's so big. And I've made it real. I made it really big . We’re the hottest. We're the best. We're the best financially. — Donald Trump

The Trump regime—this carnival of third-rate strongmen, grifters, sycophants, and sadists—isn’t innovating anything. It’s copying. It’s importing the authoritarian model wholesale. … Trump, a failed businessman and serial conman, didn’t stumble into power because he had a vision. He stumbled into it like a raccoon into a jewelry store: overwhelmed, opportunistic, and desperate to grab everything shiny before the lights come on. He brought with him a gang of similarly hollow, self-serving goons—parasites in flag pins—who recognized that brute force and spectacle could serve as a perfect cover for mass-scale corruption. All they needed was enough boots, enough masks, and enough Americans too scared or too exhausted to resist. — Oliver Kornetzke

We need to stop trusting the experts. … Trusting the experts is not a feature of science. It’s not a feature of democracy. It’s a feature of religion and it’s a feature of totalitarianism. In democracies, we have the obligation — and it’s one of the burdens of citizenship — to do our own research. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

The best of California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s Twitter feed

Newsom’s press office has been posting satirical digs at President Donald Trump, aping Trump’s absurd, grandiose style. Newsom probably doesn’t write these broadsides, but he clearly signs off on them. Here are a few recent posts you might find amusing:

Sept. 1:

HAPPY LABOR DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT IS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY WITH A SICK WARPED RADICAL MIND, KILLING SMALL BUSINESSES WITH CRAZY TARIFFS, TAKING HEALTH CARE FROM CHILDREN, PARDONING J6 THUGS, SENDING THE "PRIVATE ARMY" TO ARREST GRANDMA, WRECKING OUR BEAUTIFUL ENVIRONMENT, DEFUNDING OUR SCHOOLS, AND DESTABILIZING LONG-STANDING INTERNATIONAL RELATIONSHIPS. HOPEFULLY THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, AND OTHER GOOD AND COMPASSIONATE JUDGES THROUGHOUT THE LAND, WILL SAVE US FROM THE DECISIONS OF THE MONSTERS WHO WANT OUR COUNTRY TO GO TO HELL. BUT FEAR NOT, WE HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS IN RECENT WEEKS, AND AMERICA WILL SOON BE SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN! AGAIN, HAPPY LABOR DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA! — GCN

Aug, 29:

I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM (THE MOST SUCCESSFUL GOVERNOR IN AMERICAN HISTORY), HEREBY DEMAND THAT CANADA GIFT ME “A BIG BEAUTIFUL PLANE” I GET TO KEEP AFTER I LEAVE OFFICE (IF I LEAVE). IF THEIR NEW PRIME MINISTER (VERY NICE GUY, BUT NOT AS HANDSOME AS TRUDEAU) DOES NOT SEND ME A PLANE, CALIFORNIA WILL IMPOSE “THE BIGGEST TARIFFS” HE HAS EVER SEEN, AS IS MY GOD-GIVEN RIGHT. MANY PEOPLE ARE SAYING, “GOVERNOR GAVIN C. NEWSOM DESERVES THE BEST PLANE, EVEN BETTER THAN AIR FORCE ONE.” I AGREE. SEND THE BIG PLANE, PRIME MINISTER CARNEY! I DESERVE IT. THANK YOU! — GCN

Aug. 28:

LAURA “LOW RATINGS” INGRAHAM ON FOX HAS A TERRIBLE CASE OF NEWSOM DERANGEMENT SYNDROME (NDS!). THE AMERICAN PEOPLE LOVE ME, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AMERICA’S FAVORITE GOVERNOR!!! FOX SHOULD CANCEL LAURA IMMEDIATELY — OR FACE HUGE “CONSEQUENCES!!!” THANK YOU! — GCN

Aug. 28:

J.D. “JUST DANCE” VANCE, WHO NOBODY LIKED UNTIL TRUMP PICKED HIM OUT OF THE "BARGAIN BIN" IN THE WALMART CLEARANCE SECTION, WENT ON FOX TO TRASH ME, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR GOVERNOR. THE DANCING QUEEN CAN’T STOP! I LIVE RENT-FREE IN HIS HEAD (VERY TINY SPACE, ALMOST NO ROOM WITH "THE COUCH"). HE IS VERY WEAK... THE GUY CAN'T RUN, TAKES MORE "VACATIONS" THAN ANY VICE PRESIDENT IN HISTORY (AND WE’VE HAD SOME LAZY ONES!), GOT CAUGHT TAKING PHOTOS IN THE BATHROOM (VERY SICK!) AFTER APPLYING HIS EYELINER AND WEARS A COMMUNIST RED SHIRT. PERFECT, SINCE "CHAIRMAN TRUMP" NOW OWNS INTEL AND TELLS HIM WHAT TO WEAR. WHY DOES FOX AIR THIS NONSENSE? THEY EDIT THE TAPES, AND EVEN TRY TO MAKE HIM LOOK "SMART," BUT HE IS A TOTAL JOKE. FOX SHOULD BE ASHAMED. STOP GIVING AIRTIME TO A TOTAL LOSER. HIS TIME WOULD BE BETTER SPENT PRACTICING FOR HIS SOON “DEBUT” ON DANCING WITH THE STARS. EVERYONE’S LAUGHING AT HIM, BELIEVE ME! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! — GCN

Trump seldom writes in all capital letters — his goofy capitalization and occasional bursts of upper-case mania are signatures that Newsom and his people ought to try to copy. Otherwise, steady on, Gavin.

Quips

In Tuesday’s paid-subscriber editions, I present my favorite tweets that rely on visual humor. Subscribers then vote for their favorite. Here is the winner from this week’s contest:

The new nominees for Quip of the Week:

• Every person has a story to tell. That's why I wear earbuds. — @BobGolen

• When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket. But this morning, at Whole Foods, it's now all amazing bangers from my youth. –@Mattyglesias

• I could never ban phones in my classroom. Many of the activities require students to use their devices to like and repost my tweets. — @John_Attridge

• Life is short and the hour of our death is a mystery. So no, I will not rate my transaction. — @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social

• Whenever I’m facing a moral dilemma, I think of the advice my father gave me. “Never leave a paper trail,” he’d say, tapping the glass partition between us for emphasis. — @johnlyon.bsky.social

• It was actually really challenging for me to take candy from that baby, so I don't appreciate your tone. — @jzux

• My wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Me: Can we change the subject? My wife: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you. — @ThePunnyWorld

• Cracker Barrel should periodically change their logo so over time the old man gets up and moves towards you while holding a knife, like a “Night Gallery” episode. — @jlock17

• Film flubs: In the movie “Spartacus”(1960), several different characters identify themselves as Spartacus. This scene was mistakenly left in the final cut of the film. — @jonbois.bsky.social

• I took a picture with my phone, but it wasn't a selfie. Is there a word for that? A "someone elsie"? — @jakevig.bsky.social

Vote here and check the current results in the poll.

For instructions and guidelines regarding the poll, click here.

Why “quips”? See “I’m rebranding ‘Tweet of the Week’ in a gesture of contempt for Elon Musk.” Also, I’m finding good stuff on BlueSky now as well.

I swiped an image of Brandon Pope’s study to use as my own Zoom background (and make people think I’ve won an Emmy)

Minced Words

Cate Plys, Brandon Pope, Marj Halperin, and I joined host John Williams on this week’s episode of “The Mincing Rascals” podcast. We spent a lot of time talking about President Donald Trump’s tactics in planning to send federal troops and agents to Chicago. We also discussed Gov. JB Pritzker’s weight loss and my take — posted Tuesday — on whether it was fair quickly to identify the Minneapolis church school shooter as transgender.

Traffic lights:

• John — A red light for “Bad Words,” a 2014 Jason Bateman film available on Netflix. The trailer does make it look awful.

• Brandon — A green light for “Deli Boys,” a comedy series streaming on Hulu

• Marj — A green light for “Zeitoun,” a 2009 nonfiction book by Dave Eggers about a family dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and the war on terror.

• Cate — A green light for “Rome,” the 22-episode HBO series that ran from 2005 to 2007

• Eric — A green light for “Apples Never Fall,” a 2021 novel by Liane Moriarty, part mystery, part intergenerational family saga a la Jonathan Franzen

Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Or bookmark this page. If you’re not a podcast listener, you can hear an edited version of the show at 8 p.m. most Saturday evenings on WGN-AM 720.

Read the background bios of some regular panelists here.

Good Sports

Just deserts: Northwestern disses Tulane and then gets blown out

The Tulane University football team wanted to wear its white, away uniforms for its home game last Saturday against the Northwestern Wildcats — it was a tribute to the team that played in white uniforms in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina 20 years ago.

Northwestern refused, saying the request came in on Aug. 17, just under two weeks before the game. and this was too short a window of time for the Wildcats equipment staff to make the change.

Folks! One person could easily swap out all those uniforms in well under two weeks.

The upshot? Tulane pasted Northwestern 23-3.

Said Tulane head coach Jon Sumrall, “When you show disrespect to the city of New Orleans, that’s what’s going to happen to you.”

Fresh Meadow went stale; famed local golf course closed after just over 100 years

Driving to a jam session out in west suburban Brookfield Sunday I passed the intersection of Cermak and Wolf Roads in Hillside and saw a large overgrown field where Fresh Meadow Golf Club used to be. I’d played the course maybe half a dozen times in years past (it was a public course, not a club as the name suggested) and hit balls at the range on the property, but had missed the news that it had shut down October 14, 2024, just six months after its 100-year anniversary.

The National Golf Foundation reports that the game’s popularity is rising.

Sports gamblers, take notice

Steve Greenberg is an excellent, knowledgable sports writer for the Sun-Times. Last Friday he offered this list of winners in five of the biggest games: Texas, Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame and Baylor. Each team lost. In his one other prediction, the University of Illinois victory, he got the point spread wrong (he went 48-50-1 picking against the spread last year).

I’m not criticizing Greenberg! I’ve made scores of bum predictions myself over the years (this will not stop me from making “Zorn Was Right About Everything” ballcaps) and he was 70-29 last year in picking winners. I point this out only to remind anyone tempted to take up sports wagering as a hobby that it’s really hard to guess the outcomes of sporting events, which is why casinos and online betting services are so rich.

No big deal

The NCAA spanks Michigan (with a pool noodle) — is a link to my “meh” response to the sanctions imposed on the University of Michigan’s football team.

Headline/graphic for the ages

Green Light

Green Light features recommendations from me and readers not only of songs — as in the former Tune of the Week post — but also of TV shows, streaming movies, books, podcasts and other diversions that can be enjoyed at home — i.e., no restaurants, plays, theatrical films, tourist sites and so on. Email me your nominations, and please include a paragraph or two of explanation and background along with helpful links, perhaps including excerpts from reviews or background articles. For TV shows, please include links to trailers/previews on YouTube and advice on where to stream them.

Today’s green light comes from reader Brigid Lusk:

I hugely recommend the British mystery/comedy/detective show “Ludwig” starring David Mitchell. It’s a six-part series about a professional puzzle maker whose twin brother goes missing. Ludwig impersonates his brother, a detective chief inspector, to try to find out what happened to him. Naturally, every week there is a crime which the imposter chief inspector solves brilliantly using his puzzling skills. This show is funny and thoughtful and suitable for the whole family—the weekly murders notwithstanding. Rotten Tomatoes calls it “one of the best tv series out of the UK recently” and gives it a 97% tomato meter rating.

I’m a fan of David Mitchell of the great comedy duo Mitchell and Webb, who are returning Friday to sketch comedy after a 15-year hiatus with the TV premiere of “Mitchell and Webb Are Not Helping” on British TV. Here is a trailer and here is one of their new sketches, a lampoon of airport security. Their previous series, “Peep Show,” like “Ludwig,” is available on the BritBox streaming service ($11 a month) but you can find many clips on YouTube.

Tangential note: BritBox actually charges $10.99 a month, but I’m finally rebelling against this 99-cent bullshit. It’s basically a slippery diversion to make a price seem lower than it is. We should all simply round up to the dollar and enforce a little honesty on these companies. Who’s with me?

Info

Eric Zorn is a former opinion columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Find a longer bio and contact information here. This issue exceeds in size the maximum length for a standard email. To read the entire issue in your browser, click on the headline link above. Paid subscribers receive each Picayune Plus in their email inbox each Tuesday, are part of our civil and productive commenting community and enjoy the sublime satisfaction of supporting this enterprise. Browse and search back issues here.

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